Karissa walked along the Promenade, a couple of bags already in hand. Ming and Ciara had taken the twins for the afternoon and practically booted her off the Ronin, telling her to take some time for herself. It was true that she didn't often take time for herself anymore, except on the holodeck. However, she tried to work as often as she could. Or she threw herself into motherhood. It kept her from her grief. But one thing was certain, even as she walked the Promenade, she was still first and foremost a mother... Her bags were filled with items for Luc and Maya...
Suddenly something in a store got her attention. It was a selection of lullabies from all over the galaxy. She quickly went in and bought it. Too busy looking at the songs instead of where she was walking, she suddenly walked right into someone. Taken so by surprise, her bags fell, along with the new selection of lullabies.
"Oh, I am so sorry!" she said as she bent down to pick up her things without even looking at who she had bumped into at first.
Nathan smiled and knelt down helped the other woman pick up her dropped bags, since he'd been the one not watching where he was going when he'd spotted the disc with the lullabies on it and thought that Tara and her daughter would appreciate it.
"I'm sorry." He looked at the Starfleet uniform and the medical branch insignia and asked, "Are you new here?"
"You could say that," Karissa smiled softly, though the smile never quite reached her brown eyes. "I'm Karissa Bentara, Chief Counselor aboard the Ronin." As she looked at him and saw his uniform she went through the list of medical personnel that she had read and tried dragging up the name that went with the face, but found she couldn't. "You're a doctor here on the Station, I take it."
"I'm Dr. Nathan Fletcher, a surgeon actually, but working here in sickbay. I've never been out to the Ronin, on my next off shift I'll have to wander over, maybe you could give me a tour?"
"I could do that," she relied, "As long as you don't mind two six month olds chattering and trying to get into trouble along the way."
"Six month olds; there seems to have been a rash of babies all born more or less around the same time... although I think yours are slightly older." He smiled and laughed holding up his copy of the lullaby cd. "That's what I was doing in this store... shopping for a friend's baby."
"Ah!" she replied, with a soft laugh. "Well, it looks like a good CD... You don't have any children of your own?"
"No children, no wife, just a very demanding job. But I've made friends here who have children and I enjoy the time I spend with them."
"That wonderful," she replied. "I have friends watching my two at the moment. I was practically ordered off the ship, with the hatch sealed behind me so that I would go take some time for myself," she laughed. "And what do I do? I shop for the kids, of course!"
Together they walked out onto the promenade and left the shoppers to the narrow isles, "There is this little cafe with an outdoor seating area, would you join me for coffee? and maybe some dessert?" He asked kinda steering them in that direction.
Feeling her stomach actually rumble a bit, she nodded. "All right. Sounds good!"
They walked in and ordered and he had the bill placed on his card. Together they walked back out and sat at one of the three tables and watched people wander by for a few minutes. "So you're chief counselor on the Ronin, do you know Kassia the station's counselor?"
"I haven't met her yet, but it's something I'm suppose to do soon..." she replied, not elaborating, wondering if Nathan picked up her wording. She could sense that he was curious.
Nathan smiled as their order arrived and he took a bite of his chocolate cheesecake. "I didn't mean to intrude it's just that she's a friend of the woman I'm seeing and thought maybe we all could have dinner sometime?"
"I'm sure that would be great," Karissa replied. "From what I understand Kassia is a very kind person and easy to get along with... Of course, she'd have to be to be a counselor! I've actually only been aboard the station two times since we docked, I think, and that was including the Captain's formal welcoming dinner."
"If I may be so bold; you need to get out more." He watched as she took a second tentative bite of the cheesecake and smiled. "I'll talk to Kassia and Jayme and see what will fit into the various schedules and let you know when I take that tour of the Ronin."
"Do you like Starbase 901?" Karissa asked as she took a sip of her coffee. It seemed like a nice enough place, she thought. Now that the Ronin was attached to it, she supposed it was time to learn more about the place firsthand rather than just reading about it. But the Ronin still felt like home now... She wondered if there would ever be another place that would feel like it.
"When I first got here I wasn't excited to be here. But as you know that making friends in any new place is the worst and it's a lot of work. Being who I am and as a physician I don't move around as much as some members of Starfleet but 'we' see lots of patients every day and the last thing I want to do after shift is go out and meet more people. And it must be even harder when you are raising twin infants... with he help of friends even." He edited himself quickly as she hadn't brought up a relationship... not that it was any of his business but didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
"Things can be very difficult sometimes..." she replied, suddenly getting quiet. "All the friends I have on the Ronin are more like family... They've seen me through a lot." Tears misted her eyes as a bittersweet smile crossed her face before she took another sip of coffee. "After the twins were born making new friends wasn't exactly a priority... But if the Ronin's going to be attached to the Station, it would be a good idea." She knew those were the right words behind the right idea, but she could also feel her heart wasn't in it. But somehow she had to push through.
He watched as she withdrew and sipped her coffee. "There's lots to do on the station, and I've been told childcare isn't a problem. I can introduce you to Tara and Kassia if that make things easier?"
"Tara is the friend you were shopping for?" she asked curiously. "Her and her baby?"
"Yes." He smiled and thought about their first meeting which was over coffee and cheesecake and laughed, "She and I have talked over this very same snack. And Kassia has a daughter who's five-ish."
Karissa smiled gently thinking of her own two playing with Ming and Ciara. "Children are a wonderful gift... They're blessed then... Just like I am." She took a bite of cheesecake.
"There are a lot of children around and lots to do. I think once you meet a few more people and see some of the sights—you'll like it here too." He placed his cup down on the table and spotted Tara and Jayson walking along the promenade and waved and caught Tara's attention and watched them walk towards him.
"Cheating on me, I see." Tara said with a smile and reached out for the other woman's hand. "I'm Tara Carmichael and this is Jayson Sandoval, security. Is this man being decent again?" She asked with a wink.
"He's being very decent," Karissa replied with a smile. "Karissa Bentara, Chief Counselor on the Ronin."
"Ah yes," she replied, her CVI bringing forth memories from the Captain's formal dinner. "I remember meeting you, though it was quite brief. How are you liking the Station?"
"Well, this is actually my first time or second time just exploring it on my own... I'm usually busy with work or my children."
"I understand about work and children, although I only have the one child. But work as chief of security keeps me busy. Speaking of that we need to finish our rounds. Contact me and we'll go out with the kids to the park and to lunch. Stay out of trouble, Nathan!" She said as they walked off."
Nathan watched to see who else he could point out or drag over to meet her and didn't see anyone that he recognized enough to bother. Hmmm. He looked to the center of the promenade and saw the large time clock in the center. Jayme was still on duty or he'd page her to join them...maybe Kassia would be available, he mused to himself.
~You don't need to page if you want to talk~ Kassia replied telepathically. ~Why don't you bring your new friend over to the shop? I'm actually over there now.~
He startles in his chair and shakes his head and notices Karissa looking at him funny, and asks, "Sorry, did you feel that breeze?"
"No," she replied shaking her head slightly, "But it does feel a little cool. Maybe the environmental controls are a bit off at the moment."
Hhmmm, maybe," he said as he looked at her. "Care to take a walk. I can escort you at least part of the way back to the lifts for the docks."
She nodded, and said, "Sure."
"Good. There is this little shop that I do need to stop at and pick up another package if you don't mind?" He watched as she shook her head no, and together they walked out and down the row until they came to Kassia's Kave of Curiosities. Inside the shop Nathan nodded to Kassia and smiled.
"Hi, Nathan!" she replied cheerily as she walked from the back with a wrapped package for him. "The book you were interested in arrived."
Karissa suddenly realized that she was looking at Kassia as she saw the uniform on the woman with the dark hair, green eyes and leopard like marks framing her face. "You must be Kassia," she replied.
"The one and only," Kassia replied with a smile. "You must be Karissa Bentara. We're suppose to meet."
Karissa looked to Nathan. "Did you set this up?"
"He didn't do it entirely. After all, we were suppose to meet," Kassia replied. "Welcome to my shop." She extended her hand. Cautiously Karissa took it. A wave of images washed over Kassia. She saw Karissa's life aboard the Ronin... Ryan... The twins... As they're shake ended, Kassia looked at her. "You have twins..."
"No... and... I'm very sorry..."
Tears suddenly came to her eyes, though they didn't fall. She shook her head unable to respond.
"On that note, I think I'll leave you two women and go make rounds... He took the package from Kassia's other hand and kissed her quickly on the cheek and fled the shop with Danni hiding a laugh behind her hands.
"Men..." Kassia smirked. But seeing that Karissa was still unable to pull herself out, she motioned for Danni to watch the shop as she gently took Karissa by the hand. "Why don't you come with me..." Slowly, she lead her into the back room.
Before Karissa knew it, she was seated at a small table in a room lit by candles. She was then handed a cup of herbal tea. Kassia took a seat across from her. She had a gentle countenance, Karissa thought as she gazed at the woman who took a sip of her own cup of tea. She still wasn't sure she would be able to find her voice, sensing what Kassia was going to speak to her about.
"Yes, I was briefed on you," Kassia replied gently. "In fact, I was instructed by your Captain that if you didn't contact me within the next week I was to seek you out."
Karissa nodded unsure of what to say.
"He didn't tell me much... But from our handshake I pretty much picked up everything... I am very sorry for your loss. Losing Ryan must be -"
"Unbearable..." Karissa said barely above a whisper as her eyes teared up once again. Memories of Ryan's arms around her and his kisses encompassed her... The day she told him that one of the twins was his came to her mind... He had been so happy. They were going to be a family.
"I would like to have us schedule an appointment so that we can speak more on this. Maybe we can get you past the worst of the grief," Kassia offered gently.
Karissa gently shook her head. "We can schedule the appointment, but I doubt I will recover from losing my soulmate anytime soon... Ryan... He was... " She couldn't even finish what she was going to say. How did you explain to someone about a man who even after revealing your biggest flaw, instead of pushing you away, loved you anyway and wanted you even more. When they had met, their hearts had connected in a way she had never connected with anyone before.
"I do understand the depth of your love," Kassia replied softly. "I have a soulmate as well. There have been times I thought I have lost him -"
"But you didn't," Karissa pointed out quickly, as a tear trickled down her cheek. "If you ever did, the pain is be beyond anything you've felt before."
"Don't be so sure," Kassia replied. "I once thought my brother was dead. He was my only family before I came here. I fell apart..."
"But you got him back as well..." Karissa replied. "Ryan is dead... stabbed and pushed through an Iconian gateway..." she continued as the memories assaulted her. "If we had known where he had ended up maybe we could have gotten to him if he wasn't already dead... But he couldn't have survived... and who knows where he ended up." The tears came freely as she remembered watching the Nausicaan pirate stab Ryan and push him through the gate just as she had rolled from under the decon chamber's wall as it had lifted. She had been too late... That image still haunted her. Though she didn't blame herself as much as she did in the beginning, she still felt guilt. She knew Ryan didn't want her blaming herself, but it should have been her. She could have taken down the Nausicaan without anyone getting hurt... without Ryan getting hurt. And she did take him down... after the fact... when it no longer mattered, only that he had threatened her. But her rage was strong and it hadn't been self-defense on her part. She had wanted him dead. She had wanted to kill him and she had.
Kassia watched Karissa intently, taking in all the young woman's thoughts and feelings. But something else tickled at the back of her mind. "Karissa... Ryan loved you with all his being. I can tell by how much you love him. No one loves like that without it being returned," she smiled gently. "I won't tell you that the pain is going to go away easily. It won't... But in time it'll get better... You have to believe that."
"All I want is Ryan back..." Karissa replied. "The one thing I can't have... not really..."
Kassia lifted an eyebrow at the remark, as an image of the holodeck came to her mind. There she saw an image of Ryan suddenly appear. She knew what Karissa had done and nodded to herself. It wasn't unexpected. The danger was losing one's self in the fantasy.
She watched as Karissa quickly composed herself, wiping away her tears, but her control was only so strong. She could sense that it would break again at any moment. Kassia stood up and asked her to wait for a moment. She returned a moment later with a small box that contained a book, two crystals - one pink and one a light translucent blue, a few scented candles and some incense. She handed the box to Karissa. Karissa looked at the book - It was about coping with deep grief. She recognized the crystals as calming crystals. No doubt the incense and candles were to also help promote peace.
"I couldn't..." Karissa tried to refuse.
"I insist," Kassia replied. "Believe me, when I give something to someone, it's for a reason. Take it. Use them... If nothing else, they'll help a little with the depth of your emotions. They'll give you some sense of peace, even if it's not much..."
Karissa looked down into the box and nodded.
"Now, I'm going to schedule an appointment for us, and I'll forward you the time," she said. "Until then, try to relax and... remember the good times you had with Ryan... I'm sure that's what he'd want you to remember..." She could feel the tears well up within Karissa again and almost felt sorry for mentioning him, but Karissa needed to deal with the grief. Avoiding him wasn't the answer.
Karissa barely managed a nod as she stood. "Thank you..." she replied, barely above a whisper. She met Kassia's eyes once more.
Gently Kassia took her hand and smiled, but was hit with another image. One that was impossible... Ryan and Karissa with a grown Luc and Maya.
"I have to leave. I'm sorry..."
Before Kassia could stop her, Karissa was out the door. Kassia wondered if the image was just what Karissa had desired before her world had been turned on it's ear. With a soft sigh, she pulled a PADD from a nearby shelf and went over her schedule. She made an appointment for Karissa and wrote a note to herself to send the date and time to her patient. With that she left the small room.
Karissa was almost at a run when she reached the Ronin's holodeck. She entered the empty grid, dropping her bags and the box that Kassia had given her to the side. As she stood in the center she called for her program of Ryan to start. The setting was Bosherston. As she saw him appear walking along the shore as if sort of surprised to be there, she took the moment to run to him.
Within moments, she was engulfed by his warm embrace. Concern was etched in his brown eyes as he felt her stifle a sob. Tenderly, he pulled her face from his chest to look into her eyes, red and a bit swollen from the tears that had come, that she hadn't been able to stop.
"Kari... what it is?" he asked. "What's wrong?" Tenderly he wiped a tear that had lingered on her cheek.
She shook her head, for a moment unable to speak. "I've missed you..."
"And I've missed you as well," he replied, though in actuality, it didn't seem like there had been any time between the last time he had seen her and now... But any time away from her was enough for him to miss her presence. "But we're here now," he added. "Together... Even if neither of us can stay..."
She smiled bittersweetly as another tear slipped down her cheek.
"There should be no tears, Kari..."
"But -"
"I know the pain," he said. "The separation hurts us both... But lets take what we have and treasure it."
She nodded her agreement and kissed him. "I love you so much... Oh, Ryan..."
With all the love he had, he returned her kiss and then pulled her to him in his strong, protective embrace. "Have faith, Kari... Love always finds a way..." Suddenly, he swept her up into his arms like a child. "Let's go back to the cottage."
With her eyes still moist with tears she smiled and kissed him as he walked with her still in his arms to the cottage. He was determined to change her tears into a smile before they had to retreat to their own realms once again.