"Activate program NadiraArturus1," Paul Deveraux ordered as he approached the holosuite.
The door slid open. The battle appeared, with the same terrain and tactical situation: Arthur and his forces defending a fortress against a Saxon onslaught. Paul was horrified to see how far the weaponry had advanced.
The Saxons had set up trenchlines before the fortress, with rows of barbed wire stretched across a no-man's land. Paul saw hundreds of Saxons carrying bolt-action rifles and wearing steel helmets. Every 20 meters Paul spotted a machine gun emplacement, a mean-faced Saxon crouched behind a belt-fed, water-cooled machine gun. The low thumping of artillery sounded in the distance. Seconds later, a shell crashed into the fortress, destroying most of the wall.
A Saxon sergeant blew a whistle and hundreds of Saxon troops rose up out of the trenches and charged the fortress. Arthur's forces responded in kind, and soon a vicious hand-to-hand battle was taking place in the no-man's land.
"Sacre bleu! Computer--freeze program!" Paul ordered. The program stopped.
"Arch." The control arch appeared in the middle of the battlefield. Paul accessed the controls, and tapped a few commands.
"Delete program NadiraArturus2. Replace with program NadiraArturus1. Restore NadiraArturus1 to original parameters with ze following subroutines," Paul ordered, tapping in additional commands. "Lockout further modifications under code Deveraux Epsilon 402 an' mah voiceprint."
"Resume program."
The riflemen disappeared promptly, to be replaced by Saxon warriors bearing swords and axes. Where the wall had been breached, a siege tower now stood. Arthur's warriors were responding quite capably with cauldrons of boiling oil and a catapault of their own throwing Greek fire into the Saxon formation.
"Zhat eez more like eet!" Paul smiled. "Computer, end program."
He left the holosuite immediately to seek out Katianna.
Katianna was sitting at Harry's taking in a cup of Raktajino. Her mind was wandering, but not really staying anywhere for long. More like random images running through her mind. But the prevailing thought was getting back to training. She sighed as she finished and ordered another. Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder. She jumped, but did nothing as she felt Paul's presence. She turned and looked at him.
"Hey, stranger," she smiled.
"'Ello, Kat. How are you today?" Paul asked.
"All right, I guess," she replied. Her distraction still evident. "I can't seem to really focus today though . . . Go figure. Hoping the raktajino helps." She motioned to the new mug that was placed before her as she smirked.
"Eet eez an eminently better solution zhan alcohol," Paul remarked."Do you feel up to doing anyting today?"
She shrugged. "What I always do, I suppose . . . Train . . ." She took another sip of the strong Klingon coffee and sighed.
"Ah zink you'll find a bit of a surprise een your program," Paul said with a wink as he sat with her and ordered himself a coffee.
Immediately her brows knit together. "What did you do?" she asked curiously, yet cautiously. "Are you talking about my newest King Arthur program with all my alterations? Did you add something to it to make it more challenging?"
"Let's jes say eet eez somewhat more realistic now," Paul said with a wink.
Katianna groaned. "You took it back to the beginning?"
"Ah 'ad to, Kat! What were you going to do next? Tanks? Aerial bombardment? Nuclear weapons? Zhis eez getting out of 'and! What are you trying to prove?" he asked, exasperated.
"Maybe!" she replied as she rolled her head trying to loosen her neck muscles which seemed to always be tight. "If I had wanted to go back to the beginning I could have put on my original program." Though almost as soon as she said it, she regretted it. Images of Arturus came to her. She pushed them away. She couldn't deal with them right now.
"What are you trying to accomplish?" Paul asked. "Do you know zhat ze safety protocols were removed from ze last simulation?"
She bristled for a moment, but didn't say anything immediately for fear of what she'd say and she didn't want to say anything she'd regret later. Especially with Paul. "Yes, I did," she replied evenly; softly. "I did it. The simulations have to be real or they won't do me any good." She wasn't sure if that was the truth or not. She wasn't sure what her motivations were, but that she had been lead, somewhere in her mind, to do things that way.
"Do you any good for what? For getting killed? You tink you can take on an entire regiment armed with rifles, machineguns, and howitzers? Do you wan' to make your children orphans???"
For a moment she was silent as she looked away from him, tears leaping into her eyes. Is that what she wanted? Was she trying to kill herself? Was she trying to stop the pain she always seemed to feel? She shook her head as she looked at him.
"I don't want them to be orphans," she replied. "I'm doing this so I can save them." But doubt was creeping into the back of her mind. It was that darkness that lingered within her . . .
"You still 'ave not told me 'ow zhese 'simulations' are preparing you," Paul said angrily. "Eef Kalimar eez zhat powerful, zhen ze simulation eez useless to you. Eef eet eez someting else, zhen what are you preparing yourself for zhat Starfleet cannot handle?"
"Paul, the more I do, the faster I get," she replied. "The quicker my responses are . . . and I need to be lightening fast. I also have to build up my strength to fight them. Physically I'm not much of a match, but I might as well have myself in the best possible condition I can be in to go up against Kalimar and the Kosst Amojen. If I'm not, I don't have a chance at all . . . Starfleet can't get close enough to them. They'll want me . . . I can get close enough to do damage, though I'm not sure how yet. But I have to be ready when I get there. If I'm not, not only am I dead, so is everyone else. They will turn this universe into cinders," she said with such certainly in her green eyes. She knew this was the truth. But could she live through this trial by fire? It was taking its toll already.
"An' eef ze simulation kills you, zhen Kalimar wins anyway! Zhis eez pointlesss, Kat! Can you not see zhis? Kalimar eez already defeating you by driving you eento zhis state!" Paul nearly shouted. "You are gambling weeth your life! An' you look terrible!" Paul stopped for a moment to compose himself. "What eez your strategy for dealing weeth Kalimar? 'Ave you even thought of one?"
She shook her head. "I don't know the future," she replied. "I don't know what situation he will find me in or put me in. I'll most likely just have to react." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I do look that bad, don't I?" She knew she hadn't been sleeping well. Not for a long time now. She spent hours in the holodeck training. She ate when she could. It was starting to get to the kids . . . Laurissa was starting to cry on occasion in the mornings when she'd leave for school. But she couldn't stop. Kalimar could show at any time.
"Your cheeks are sunken, you 'ave dark circles around your eyes, an' your hair eez matted," Paul said. "An zhat's jus' what Ah can see immediately! 'Ow often do you eat? Or sleep? Do you even know what your kids are doing right now? You aren't een fit enough shape to take on a troupe of Orion dancing girls, much less an entity who claims to be able to destroy ze universe!"
She arched her brow. "You'd be surprised at what I can do," Katianna replied. "As for myself, I eat about once a day, I suppose . . . Sleep? Whenever the mood strikes and for as long as the nightmares don't hit or as long as I am able. As for my children . . . They're with Kara. She would be seeing to Laurissa's homework about now." She didn't want to admit that she was weary. Probably more weary that she even looked. A pang of guilt did hit her. Paul's hint about her mothering as of late was accurate. She looked down at the table so he couldn't see her face. She was afraid he'd actually be able to read the look on it.
"You're not telling me everything, are you?" Paul asked. "This isn't about Kalimar, at least not entirely. What else is going on?"
"Everything . . . nothing . . ." she replied mysteriously. "I don't know . . ." She finally looked at him and for a minute her guard was down. "I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the pain . . ." she sighed. "I'm so tired of it all." As she took a breath and let it out, she regained her posture. "Too much history and not enough future," she finally ended with the quip, almost trying to sound light.
"The future is what you make it," Paul told her. "And if you burn yourself out with pointless exercises and risk your life needlessly, the future's going to look pretty bleak. If Kalimar is that powerful, and you're the only one who can get close enough to stop him, then you'reputting everyone's lives at risk by driving yourself into the ground. And I don't know about you, Kat, but I still have things I need to do with my life!"
"Your accent . . ." Katianna replied, momentarily side-tracked by Paul's voice. "What happened?"
"There comes a time to speak seriously," Paul said. "I want to make absolutely sure you know exactly what I'm saying. I'm worried about you. You are killing yourself and doing no one any good. Pull our act together!"
A lump started growing in her throat. "I . . . uh . . . don't know if I can." She suddenly felt very vulnerable. "But I'll try," she replied. "I'll tell you what, why don't we go to the holosuite. I'll let you pick something. Maybe we can pick something not along my lines tonight. How about you pick something you think would be good for me . . . Maybe something with no fighting in it. A change from the usual," Katianna smirked softly, trying to ease some of his concerns.
"Fair deal," Paul said as he finished his now-cold coffee in one gulp. "Let's go."
The door opened to reveal a forest scene, with a small stream passing through a thicket of woods. Birds could be heard in the background, but other than that Katianna could hear no other noise.
"It's very peaceful here," she replied. "I like it."
"Enjoy," Paul said. He decided to keep the other subroutine for a later date. Katianna needed rest more than anything else.
"You won't stay?" she asked quizzically, taking a seat on the ground.
"Maybe for a little while," he said as he sat down next to her.
She smiled as she leaned against him. She sensed his concern for her and he was right. She knew it. But she couldn't deal with it. Katianna just allowed the scene to carry her away. She felt his arm go around her, as if comforting her, and it was. She sighed. As much as she wanted to keep her eyes open, she found that they were closing on their own volition. Before long, she was in a deep, dreamless sleep.
Gently, Paul laid her down under the shade of a pine tree. Rather than disturb her, he simply decided to let Kara know where she was. He kissed her on one cheek as he left to cover his bridge watch.