Tonight was the night for the big dinner party that she'd finally planned with Kassia and . . . Ryan's urging. Also, Will had talked to her about taking the kids for the couple of days he had off-duty. Of course, she had agreed. He was, after all, Maya's birthfather . . . It would just be the first time she'd be away from them for longer than an evening. She wasn't sure how she was going to feeling about that. But she wasn't going to take time away from Will. He deserved time with Maya and since he wanted time with Luc as well, the young ones being twins, she didn't have a heart to say no. Not that she would have anyway . . . As she packed a bag for them with everything they would need, she felt tears misting her brown eyes. The little ones were napping while she did this. As she finished packing, she decided to get dressed before they woke up.
Instead of her usual black dress that she favored, she opted for a dress of crushed velvet in a rich green color. She then pulled her dark hair back away from her face, but allowed the curls to fall around her shoulders. A green bejeweled comb decorated her hair. The only jewelry she wore was a simple emerald pendant and the ring Ryan had given her, which rarely left her finger. As she finished the final touches to her make-up, the twins woke up. She quickly dressed them. She put into a velvet like romper of lavender and Luc wore a little outfit of blue and white. Placing the twins on the floor to play with some toys, she began to set up the hors d'oeuvres. She should have been excited, but she wasn't. Instead, she was having a hard time mastering her emotions. But as a counselor, she also knew the saying that sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. However, her heart was telling her that she was never going to make it. She decided to start everyone with spinach dip in a bread bowl set up on one of the tables along with bread cubes and vegetables. Just as she was going to replicate some punch, the door sensor chimed.
"Enter," she called, setting the punch out and rearranging the beautiful bouquet of flowers in front of her. She watched as A.J. entered. He was early, but she suspected he wanted to help her in anyway he could. In his hand he carried a small bouquet of flowers. "Hi, A.J.," she smiled as she went to him.
"Hi, Karissa," he said with a gentle smile. "It's been awhile . . . How are you doing?" he asked, looking at her carefully.
She smiled softly, but her eyes betrayed her. "I'm fine," she replied, as she took the offered flowers.
Before she could step away, he embraced her warmly, like a brother would. "You know, I've glad you invited me tonight.. It's good to see you in a less formal setting . . ."
"Well," she replied, "I'm trying to rejoin life . . . It's . . ." For a moment she almost choked with emotion as tears misted her eyes. "It's what Ryan would have wanted."
A.J. smiled in understanding. "If you ever want to talk . . . or if you just want a game of cards . . ."
"I know . . ." she replied back, with a smile of her own. Tenderly she caressed his cheek. "Thank you, A.J.."
"Is there anything I can help you with?"" He asked, "Before everyone else gets here?"
"Actually, I have everything ready except the music and a couple of other food items . . . But if you wanted to entertain Luc and Maya for me while I make sure everything is perfect, that would help me out," Karissa smile with a sparkle in her dark eyes. The tears were starting to fade a bit.
"You got it," he replied, as he made himself comfortable next to the twins who were busy playing with several toys all over the floor.
It wasn't long before the door sensor chimed again. This time it was Nathan with a bottle of wine.
"The Ronin's quite a ship," he said as he entered her quarters. "And your quarters are very nice as well. Here."
"Thank you," Karissa replied, taking the bottle and looking at it with a smile. "I'm glad you could make it. Nathan, this is Chief A.J. Talsmin, our Senior Operations Officer. AJ, this is Commander Fletcher Nathan. He's the Chief surgeon on SB901."
"It's good to meet you, Commander," A.J. said formally.
"This is my party and though I might be making formal introductions, the formalities get left there," Karissa smiled and gently nudged A.J. with her shoulder. "You know better than that."
"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a devilish smile back at her.
She giggled. Nathan enjoyed watching her smile. He suspected she needed more reasons to smile.
When Shara arrived, Nathan practically did a double-take. Shara was identical to Karissa except for the clothing and the fact that their ages were separated by a few years.
"She's my sister, for lack of a better word," Karissa said, as Shara embraced her warmly and gave her a bottle of wine for the dinner.
"I couldn't ask for a better sister either!" Shara replied with a twinkle in her dark eyes as she looked at Karissa and then at Nathan.
~How are you doing, really?~ Shara asked her sister, but she could still feel the overwhelming sorrow that was lingering just beyond her facade she was holding up.
~At the moment, I'm okay . . . Just keep me distracted.~ Karissa replied.
~I think this party will do that!~ Shara replied.
~Yeah, but what happens after the party is over?~ Karissa asked, then pushed the question away.
Shara embraced her once more as Nathan spoke with A.J. ~I'm here for you, Karissa. Don't forget that.~
Karissa smiled. Just then the door sensor chimed again and Will entered. He brought Karissa a bouquet of flowers. Everyone seemed to be bringing her something. He also leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. There was something in the kiss. She tried to make it a point to block his thoughts since he always seemed a bit flustered when she knew what he was thinking, but her feelings were filtering through . . . Some of them . . .
"How are you doing this evening, Karissa. You look stunning," he smiled, his soft brown eyes looking her over, but resting on her face.
She swallowed and smiled. "I'm well. I think the dinner will be good."
"How's Maya and Luc doing?" he asked, quickly changing the subject, fearing she would pick up too much from him.
"They're doing wonderful as always. I'm sure they've missed your visits this week," she smiled. "But before you go play with the kids, let me introduce you to someone. I think you two will have some things in common." She introduced him to Nathan and then the last person arrived.
Tyran walked through the door with a gift in his hands. It was wrapped and on top was a single white rose.
"Glad you could make it," Karissa smiled.
"I wouldn't miss it for the," he paused for a moment, "Universe."
She laughed softly. "I'm sorry Dinara had to work, but you know how it is . . . One of us has to be available."
"I know," he replied, taking one of her hands. "How are you holding up? I haven't heard from you in awhile, except for formal ship communications."
She sighed and for a moment grew quiet. Her dark eyes fell to the ground. But then she lifted them back up to him and forced a smile. "I do as well as I can . . . One day at a time, you know?"
"Here, take this. It's a gift that's been hanging around for awhile. Dinara and I just never found the right time to give it to you," he said as he gave her the wrapped gift.
"Thank you," she said as she took it. He tenderly kissed her cheek.
"You know, if you ever need anyone to talk to . . . I might not be a counselor, but I am your friend . . ." Nige replied.
She smiled and caressed his cheek, letting him know that she thanked him for the offer. With that, she led him to the group as they gathered around the dip and other hors d'oeuvres. The twins were playing with their toys, but also very interested in the adults and what they were doing.
Several times as the adults talked, ate and drank the wine, the twins were held and passed around. They enjoyed the attention. Luc especially enjoyed playing with Nathan's collar and Maya specially loved to bounce on her father's lap. Soon Will was helping Karissa get the twins set up in their high chairs and get them their dinner.
As the twins ate, the adults sat. Karissa served a very elegant dinner. She had decided to go all out. They started with Caesar salad and rolls. Dinner consisted of lobster tails with garlic butter, cheese stuffed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Dinner was a hit and though everyone was eating, the conversation never died.
The only time Karissa found herself lost and almost on the verge of tears was when Ryan was mentioned. Memories would pour into her mind and it was so hard to maintain her composure. She would remember his gentle touch and his kisses, but then remember the last moments of his life before he was pushed through the Iconian gateway.
As she served dessert, chocolate mousse with chocolate dipped strawberries, Ryan was mentioned again. Nathan had asked a question in regards to a report he had seen about the Gemini device and the Ronin. As Tyran launched into the explanation, Karissa's mind went back to when she had first met Ryan. It was then, during that time . . . on Deep Space 11 that she had been sent to become part of the Ronin crew and there she had met Captain Ryan Evans . . . She took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that were misting her eyes. Shara looked at her, and could feel Karissa's emotions.
~Are you okay?~ she asked.
~No . . . I'm not ready for this . . . I can't do this anymore . . .~ Karissa said, still trying to keep the tears back.
~Hold on just a little longer,~ Shara urged. ~It'll be over soon . . . and we've all loved being here with you.~
~It's not that . . . I've enjoyed the company it's just . . . Ryan . . .~
~Listen, we all understand . . .~ Shara told her. ~Everyone at this table cares about you. Don't shut us out.~
A few moments later Karissa seemed to have herself back under control. Everyone left the table as Shara and A.J. helped her clean the mess from the table as Will helped her with the twins, who didn't need a changing, thankfully, she thought.
As everyone talked for a little longer, Nathan looked at his time piece. "I hate to bust up a great party, but I do have early duty tomorrow, so I have to take my leave," he said as he stood up walking over to Karissa and embracing her warmly. "Great party. It was nice meeting al of you. And, Karissa, you should get together with friends more often. Smiling suits you," he said with a grin.
She laughed softly. "Thanks. I'm glad you were able come."
"Me too," he replied.
Soon Shara and A.J. left as well. Will finally went to her. "I should get Luc and Maya back to my quarters and get them to bed," he said noticing a yawn come from Maya.
Karissa nodded reluctantly with a sigh. "Let me get their bag for you," she said as tears began welling up in her eyes.
Will suddenly grabbed her hand. "Are you sure you're all right with this?" he asked with serious concern in his eyes and voice.
Karissa gently took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Maya should have time with her father and the twins shouldn't be separated . . ."
"There's no reason you can't come by and be with them too . . . Just because they're with me doesn't mean you can't see them," he said gazing into her eyes.
She felt it again and a smile crept across her face. "Thank you, Will . . . I'll keep that in mind." As she let go of his hand, she went to their room and grabbed their bag. As she handed it to him she almost wanted to go with him. Not that she didn't trust him. Far from it. She just wanted to be with her babies . . . "Everything you might need for them should be in there. If it isn't, let me know," Karissa said as she looked at Luc and Maya starting to play while laying on the floor.
"I will . . . Maybe after your shift you could come over and we can go to the holodeck for a picnic or something?" Will suggested.
Her mind wandered to Ryan again. The Ryan she had created on the holodeck. "Maybe," she smiled. "I'll let you know. "
Together they got the stroller and put the twins in it with a minimal amount of fussing. Karissa tucked their favorite blankets around them and placed their favorite toys with them. Then she kissed their cheeks once. She could feel the tears, but held them back for Will's sake. The babies were too tired to notice their mother's emotional upset and she was thankful for that. She didn't want them to start fussing for Will.
"I'll contact you tomorrow and let you know how they're doing, all right?" Will said, before he left.
"All right. Thank you," she replied.
As the door closed behind him and her children the tears came back. Almost instantly hands were on her shoulders guiding her to the couch. Nige just held her for awhile as she cried. As she finally stopped, she wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks, though more lingered in here eyes, sparkling in the light.
Nige looked her over carefully. "This dinner hasn't been easy for you, has it?"
"Parts of it have been," Karissa replied, sniffing a bit, trying to gain back control of her emotions.
"I noticed a couple of times where you seemed upset," he replied. "It was when we talked about Ryan . . ."
She felt a lump grow in her throat and more tears mist her eyes. She didn't want to cry anymore, but it was almost as if it were an automatic response. That part of her heart was gone and when she was reminded it was gone, it hurt her a great deal.
"It's all right to miss him, Karissa. We all do . . . And I know how much you love him . . . And he loved you so much. He was miserable without you. As miserable as you were and are . . ." he said. "I remember how happy he was when he knew that everything between the two of you was okay . . . And how worried he was when you miscarried one of the babies . . . then when you almost died . . . And I watched you try to deny how you felt for him to save his career . . . Yes, I figured it out. And I watched your love together just bloom . . ." He knew he was strolling her down memory lane and some of it was painful. "He wouldn't want you to just remember that he's gone . . . He'd want you to be able to remember his love and look back on everything wonderful you two had . . . I know I can't feel the pain the way you do, but I just want to do something to help you . . ."
Karissa again dabbed at the tears in her eyes. "Nige . . . I want to remember the good things and I do . . . I miss them and him too much," she admitted. "He was my soulmate and I just don't know how to cope with that . . . The only reason I had this dinner party was because it was suggested to me by Kassia, the counselor on SB901 and-" She stopped herself before she could go further. She couldn't let her secret out. "And I felt she could be right. I had been avoiding everyone for so long . . . It was never anything personal . . ."
"We all know that," Nige replied, embracing her warmly. "But remember we're here for you. We're your friends."
She nodded. "I'll try to do that more often . . ."
"You'd better!" he smiled.
He stayed with her for awhile longer before he took his leave. As she sat alone, she finally opened the gift. As she looked at it, more tears misted her eyes. It was photos of her and Ryan . . . Each one was one to treasure. Tears fell from her eyes. They were a mixture of happiness and sorrow. But she allowed each emotion to take her. It was well into the evening before she finally went to bed still thinking about Ryan, but also thinking about the wonderful family of friends she had.