"Eventually, you need to move away from the fantasy you've created in the holodeck," Kassia said gently, as one professional to another, and yet knowing that the woman before her wasn't just a professional. She was making decisions for herself based on her heart, instead of her head.
"But not now," Karissa countered. "I'm not ready to leave the safety net I've created."
"Do you think it's healthy?" Kassia asked, gazing at the woman before her, her green eyes penetrating her.
Karissa was trying hard not to become defensive, but it was nearly impossible. She had Ryan back to some degree and she wasn't willing to lose him again!
Kassia sighed. "I know it's difficult. But would Ryan want you to hide yourself from the world?"
"But I'm not!" Karissa insisted. "I planned that dinner and . . . I'm trying to make more of an effort to see friends . . . Kassia . . . I'm not ready to let him go . . ."
"Sooner or later, you'll have to," Kassia replied gently.
Ryan found himself in a clearing under a spreading oak tree, dressed in a loose-fitting ruffled poet's shirt and black trousers which, while snug, were not confining. I look like a pirate, he thought as he surveyed the scene. The tree was in a meadow by a small creek. The creek bubbled gently and a frog could be heard croaking in the distance
He still didn't understand the nature of the sudden shifts in his reality. Were they part of the fabric of the afterlife or controlled from the outside? Who or what dictated when and where he'd appear? And why did he only see Karissa and not others he cared about whom he'd left behind?He pondered these things as a door slid open behind him.
Karissa entered the holodeck swiftly, carrying Maya and Luc in her arms. She wore a white dress that had a corset. It didn't impede her breathing so she had no problem with the outfit. Her hair was pinned up and only a few delicate curls had been allowed to come down around her face. Thechildren were also dressed in white. As the door shut, Ryan turned to her and she couldn't help a smile. He looked wonderful, she thought, trying to put what Kassia had said to her earlier out of her mind.
"Hi," she said, "I bought you some guests."
"Hey!" Ryan said as he smiled down at the babies. "I've been thinking about you! You've grown!"
Karissa laughed. "By leaps and bounds!" she replied as Maya tried wiggling from her grasp.
Ryan picked up the little girl from her mother's arms. "Oh, behave, you!" he scolded her gently as he held her in the crook of his arm. Maya continued to squirm and started to cry a little bit. "Oh, hush!" Ryan laughed.
Maya looked at him with a pout, but stopped her crying. She looked at him and squirmed as if something seemed to unsettle her. Karissa was picking it up, but didn't try to remove her. Instead, Maya looked at Ryan and her pout turned to curiosity. She then reached out to touch his face.
Ryan held out his finger, which Maya grasped with momentary curiosity. "How have the kids been?" Ryan asked. "Maya seems a little fussy."
"Like all children, they have their moments," Karissa replied, leaning over and kissing his cheek. "But she hasn't seen you for over half her life now and she might be trying to sort things out."
Luc, though quiet, had been watching carefully in Karissa's arms to his sister's reaction and sensing her as well. He was also sensing his mother's reaction. He didn't know who this person was they were with, but he didn't feel anything. Only saw him . . . He didn't understand.
"Probably true. And who knows what being on the other side is doing to the connection," Ryan replied, although his own mind was still busy with the problem. "Let me see Luc for a moment," he asked as he handed Maya back to Karissa.
Karissa took Maya and handed Luc over. He didn't cry, but he did start squirming immediately. It took several moments before he settled down to look into Ryan's face curiously. Karissa smiled as she watched them.
Ryan smiled down at his son and made a low cooing noise. Luc seemed to ease into his new situation as Ryan tickled him under the chin. "Yeah, they just need to adjust a little," he said.
Balancing the squirming Maya on her right hip, she took one of Ryan's arms. "How about we find a place to sit?" she asked. "Seems to me this would be a nice place for a picnic. Is there a blanket spread out nearby?" Of course, she knew there was, complete with picnic basket, but she was going to allow him to take the lead.
"You know, I think I saw something like that just behind this tree," Ryan said. Sure enough, they rounded the tree and a picnic site was laid out for them, complete with a bottle of wine in an ice bucket.
Her eyes sparkled as he helped her to sit. The corset was a little snug as she sat on the ground, but nothing she couldn't handle. As she set Maya down on the blanket, her daughter immediately set off to grab at a flower growing just beyond the edge. She laughed as Maya tugged at the flower. As it broke off, she put it in her mouth. She made a funny face, not sure what to make of the thing she had just tasted. Karissa laughed. "This is wonderful," she said as she glanced at Ryan, trying to adjust her corset once more.
"Comfortable?" he asked as he watched Luc laughing at a caterpillar that had climbed onto his little hand.
"Corsets are lovely, but they're not the most comfortable things to sit in," Karissa laughed softly, half at Luc and half at herself. "You know, you look quite dashing."
"Why, thank you!" Ryan said. "I'm not sure where this outfit came from, but it seems to suit the occasion somehow."
"I think you're right," she replied, turning to look at Maya who had found the picnic basket and was having great fun opening the lid and letting it drop. Each time it dropped she would giggle. "Of course, these two will provide us with our entertainment, do doubt!" Tenderly, she reached over and tickled Maya's side. Maya giggled all the more and squirmed.
Luc, having abandonned the caterpillar, now crawled over to see what his sister was doing. Ryan took the opportunity to tickle the boy's foot, which caused him to squeal with laughter, making a little kick back at Ryan.
Karissa laughed again. "Can you believe them? They're so perfect . . ." she said. "I'm glad you're able to see them." Tenderly, she reached over and caressed Ryan's face.
"Yes," Ryan said as he returned the caress. Then, opening the picnic basket, he found a bunch of grapes and plucked off several. He also pulled out an old-fashioned wooden container of cookies. One by one he fed the grapes to Karissa, who smiled as she took each one with her teeth. Maya, wanting to be in on the fun, and reached for the grapes.
With a smile, Ryan pulled his hand away. "Oh no . . . I think you're a little young for these. But I do believe these might be right up your alley," he said pulling out a cookie. She took the cookie, which was a large sugar variety and put it in her mouth. "Is it good?" he asked.
Maya didn't take the cookie out of her mouth. She just continued to chew on it.
"I think it's winner," Karissa laughed gently.
Soon Luc was beside his sister trying to grab her cookie, much to Maya's annoyance. With a laugh, Ryan produced a cookie for his son. "Here's one for you too, big guy."
Happily Luc tried the treat out and found that it was something that was very good.
"Care for some wine?" Ryan asked, as she looked at Karissa just smiling softly as she watched their children.
"I'd love some," she replied.
He set to work opening the bottle and pouring two glasses. "So did you ever have that dinner party?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yeah, I did," she replied. "I invited a handful of people. Tyran, Shara, Will, A.J. and Nathan Fletcher . . . He's the Surgeon on Starbase 901."
"Did you have a good time?" he asked as he handed her a glass of white wine.
She shrugged. "It was . . . good." She took a sip of the drink and looked down into her lap. "But it wasn't easy, doing it without you . . ." Finally her dark eyes met his.
Tenderly he caressed her cheek. "I know, Kari . . . But you have to live again . . . I'm not part of your world anymore."
"But we have this . . . We have each other . . ." she replied, leaning into his hand, as if willing the moment to continue.
"You belong to the world of the living, Kari . . . Don't abandon it for me," he said. "If nothing else, live for our children."
She reached over and caressed his face as well. "I'm not abandoning anything . . or anyone . . ." With that, she tenderly kissed him.
Forgetting the wine momentarily, he returned the kiss. They lost themselves in each other, until the moment was broken by a cry and a giggle. As Ryan and Karissa finally pulled away from each other to stare at the little ones, they found them playing with a baby bottle Maya had managed to pull from the basket. In the course of wrestling for it, Maya had cried and pulled on the nipple, sending a stream of milk from the tip, which had caused them to giggle and do it again. Another shot of milk streamed out followed by another set of giggles.
"That's quite enough of that,"Karissa replied with a laugh as she took the bottle and Maya in her arms. "There should be another bottle in there, if you'd like to feed Luc. I'm sure he's hungry. These two drink a lot!"
"I bet!" Ryan replied with a smile as he retrieved a bottle and grabbed Luc. As he held his son, he remembered the night feedings and smiled. "Remember when we first had them?" he asked. "We hard got any sleep . . ." he laughed.
Karissa smiled as she remembered those hectic days. "Yeah, and they were so tiny and way more dependant than they are now. Now they want to get into everything!" She said as she tickled Maya's cheek, making the little girl smile.
Ryan suddenly grew silent. "I wish I was around to watch them grow," he replied. "I've already missed so much . . . and I'm going to miss so much more . . ."
A lump formed in her throat. "You don't know what the future holds, Ryan . . "
"I'm dead, Kari. Something tells me that's not going to change . . ." he replied.
Of course, he was right, she knew. "Well, let's not think about that. Let's just enjoy the time we have together."
"Your right," he smiled as he stared down at Luc. After all, how many times would he get to enjoy his son and daughter he thought.
As the twins almost finished their bottles, they fell asleep in their parents arms. Tenderly, Ryan and Karissa laid them down on the blanket, gazing as the babies slept peacefully.
Together they stood up. He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips and kissed them. "This is a perfect day," he smiled. "The sun is shining. I have you and the children . . . What more could I want?"
To be alive again she thought, but she smiled and said nothing, allowing herself to be caught up in his moment.
"I love you, Karissa Bentara," he said, as he drew her close and kissed her.
She melted into his embrace, forgetting everything else except him and his love. She couldn't let him go yet. She wouldn't . . .