Kassia leaned against the wall outside Jayme's quarters and sighed. She knew Jayme would be there any moment. Though she had made most of her appointments, she had missed yesterday's and that sent up a red flag to her. Kassia had felt something was wrong and her instincts were very rarely wrong. So one way or another, she was going to talk with Jayme. Relaxing against the wall, she waited patiently. Jayme was due to arrive any minute.
Jayme rounded the corner and saw Kassia standing beside the door to her quarters. She looked up and made eye contact and couldn't just turn around and find something else to do until she left. "Kassia." She smiled, but the thoughts 'oh hell', was running though her mind. "Why don't we go in and I can make us some tea." Jayme offered.
Kassia smiled graciously and nodded. "I think that would be a very good idea. I could use a cup a tea."
With that Kassia followed Jayme inside. "I noticed you missed your appointment yesterday," she said as she took a seat on the couch.
Jayme pulled off her jacket and toed her boots off and walked to the replicator, "Tea, two orange pekoe's . . . hot." She looked at her terminal and the note she'd left herself to cancel the appointment. "I'm sorry. I've just been really busy Kassia and had meant to reschedule that appointment."
The tea arrived and she carried both cups over and handed one to her friend and then sat on the other chair across from the other women. She followed her gaze to the bruises that decorated one shoulder.
"It seems you've definitely been busy," Kassia replied as she sipped the tea, "How many doubles are you working?" The hot liquid soothing her as she gazed at Jayme, knowing something else was wrong. She could feel it.
"Twelve since the first." She knew the other woman noticed the bruises, "Sparing injuries." Jayme said as she took a second sip of her tea and then put the cup down on the table between them. "I referred one of my team to you . . .I know you can't tell me details, but I hope she spoke with you?"
Kassia was quiet for a moment as she sipped her tea again. "She spoke a little. It will take time for her to recover . . . " Kassia offered without giving details. "In fact, she has another appointment with me for next week."
"I'm glad, hate to see someone else make the same mistakes I made at her age. I am also trying not to make the same mistakes my senior officers made back then," Jayme made eye contact with Kassia, "by not getting me help."
Kassia smiled gently. "You have great wisdom, Jayme. You're helping Marki and yourself immeasurably." She took another sip of her tea and finally set it down. "So how are you with what happened?" she asked, meeting Jayme's gaze.
"Truth. I wanted to go into barracks and start busting heads." She trailed off not wanting to give to much in the way of details...and didn't want to bring a flashback to the surface before trying to sleep.
She picked up her tea and took a sip. "The day that I treated her I ended up with a flashback and a migraine and was treated for in Sickbay." Not meeting the other woman's eyes, said, "I guess, I was more upset then I really wanted to acknowledge."
Kassia nodded. "Sooner or later those memories will surface. You will have to deal with them, even if you don't want to . . . " She said seriously. "But having them brought up that way, of course, is not exactly good for you . . If you'd like, we can try to bring them up in a controlled setting in my office, one by one and try to deal with them . . . One image, one emotion, one memory at a time . . . Are you ready to finally do this?" Kassia looked at her. She knew what was in Jayme's best interests. But the questions was, did Jayme?
"Kassia." Jayme looked away. Then tried to organize her thoughts and start over, and started, "Kassia. Damn!" She looked at the other woman with tears in her eyes..."I know, I should do what your suggesting but bringing everything to the surface. I'd probably kill the partiesresponsible the next time I saw them."
"On the other hand, you might do that if you don't deal with this," Kassia replied. "Jayme . . . when you leave my office, you shouldn't feel it on the surface. The end result is to help you deal with it . . . Resolve it within yourself . . ."
"At least with everything suppressed I can...work, build a case for Marki and nail these SOB's, without killing them and throwing away my career in the process." Jayme drew her knees up on the edge of the chair and hugged them close. "If we do what you are suggesting and I leave your office...and do act on that impulse..."
Kassia gently reached over and touched Jayme on the shoulder. "Are you so sure you'd act on that impulse? If you continue to keep this locked up inside you, it will destroy you," she replied with certainty. "It will start eroding your trust in everyone. You will pull away from others. You will isolate yourself . . . You will have a hard time having a truly intimate relationship because there will also be a part of yourself you are trying to keep locked up tight. And no one is strong enough to keep things like that hidden forever. It makes them crazy and kills their spirit . . . " Kassia sighed," Even if you decide not to do this now, promise me you will do this with me later . . . You are a dear friend and I don't want to see you suffer over the past any more . . . Not when you don't have to."
"There are no guarantees either way, is what you're saying." Jayme took a deep breath. "When do you want to start?"
"As soon as your schedule allows would be good," she replied. "I'll make my schedule fit yours, I promise you."
Nauseated and in tears Jayme rested her forehead on her knees. She could feel the warmth and soothing waves from her friends hand on her shoulder but it felt too much like pity and she brought up another wall and sat up and wiped her eye's clear.
"How about this evening, after your last appointment? If we wait for my schedule it won't happen..."
Kassia nodded. "I'll see you at 18:00 for the appointment then. I honestly think this will help you," she offered as she tried to meet Jayme's eyes.
"Okay." Jayme thought about finishing her tea but decided to just let it sit. Kassia stood to leave and Jayme stood too, to walk her friend to the door. Then grabbed her own jacket and followed the other woman out.
"You should try to get some rest," Kassia said with a gentle smile.
"Right." Jayme flipped her hair and adjusted the neck of her jacket. "Like that is going to happen anytime soon. Think I'll go workout for an hour and burn off some off the anxiety, and then sleep for a few hours."
"I suppose you're right," Kassia replied. "But definitely get the rest. You will need it for everything that's to come your way." With that, Kassia tossed her one more gentle smile and walked away in the opposite direction.
Forty minutes later, Nathan in a T-shirt and shorts found Jayme in the MC gym using the resistance equipment, breathless and sweaty. "Hi," he said looking down at her.
"Eight...nine...ten." Jayme sat up and wiped her face off with her towel, and asked, "How did you know where to find me?"
"I ran into Kassia, outside Sickbay, on my way off duty."