She set the program and they entered the suite. As they stepped into it, the door slid shut and disappeared. She went and sat down at a particular spot. Her movements weren't as fluid as usual because of the alcohol, but at least she was sufficiently numbed.
"This is where I buried Coran. He was the last of the Order of the Light . . He died in my arms," she said. She then pointed over to the mountains in the direction of the fire caves. "Over there is where Kalimar released the Kosst Amojen and where they slaughtered the Order of the Light, or what was left of them in front of me . . . They're both demons bent on destroying the universe . . ." Suddenly she laughed. "And it's prophesied that I'm suppose to stop them. Little old me . . . Somehow, some way the Light arranged for me to be some sort of savior to the galaxy, only I don't know how! But if I fail, they win . . . everyone dies . . ." Her laugh stopped abruptly as tears appeared in her green eyes thinking of Jovan and Kalimar. And from Jovan she thought of Will and Arturus . . .
Lee looked around, now puzzled at seeing tears appearing in Kat's eyes. Order of Light?..Kosst?..demons?. ..saviour? What sort of program was Kat running thought Lee. "Are you not taking this rather too seriously..this..er..fantasy world of yours," waving his arms at the scenery. "Perhaps you're spending too much time in this..er..game..simulation!!" Lee smiled. "You know..back in the late 20th Century..at the start of the computer revolution..people played a lot of computer games..some well into the early morning...doctors and shrinks were concerned about people's minds...." Lee trailed off with the idea that it was going to be a long night!!
"I wish it were just some simulation I was running . . . some game I could turn off," she replied as she looked around. "Kalimar use to be Jovan Kalimar. He was our other Intel Officer here on SB901 . . . He was also my significant other . . . the father of my son," she said. "He had this orb inside him that had powers of a demon, and we didn't know it. We thought the orb was from the Prophets . . . They're good guys . . . long story . . . " she said realizing he might not know about the Bajorans yet. "But the more he used the powers of the orb, the more it took him over, until only Kalimar was left . . ." A tear trickled down her cheek. "Do you know what it's like to have to shoot someone you love? I had to do that . . . I probably killed whatever was left of Jovan when I did that, but I didn't have a choice. Kalimar was going to kill me, then my daughter and Kara . . . I couldn't let that happen. The blast only knocked Kalimar out though. Put him into a coma of sorts," she said. "Captain Mallory has this on report since I had Kalimar contained in sickbay behind a level 10 forcefield . . ." She grew quiet remembering how much it hurt her. How much it still hurt . . .
"So you're dealing with real demons?" he asked her, still unable to wrap his head around the thought.
"I can even show you . . . I recreated portions of my life here in the holodeck for the kids when they get older," she said, not looking at him, but her implication was clear. "I wanted them to know the path I had taken and why . . . Computer, change program to Nadira8826.4."
Instantly the prairie around them melted away to be replaced by the USS Eagle's gym. As Katianna stood and guided him out of the way, they watched her perform some martial arts moves across the floor. He then saw himself watching her. It was then, he realized she had recreated their first meeting. He watched himself approach her and grab one of her wrists. She immediately turned into a tiger, swiping at him and pushing him down on the mat and covering him roaring in his face.
"Freeze program," she said. "I just added that," she smiled. "Computer, go forward to .4354."
The scene melted away to be replaced by what looked like an Earth home with things he remembered and some things he didn't. Katianna was there in a passionate embrace with a man who had brown hair and hazel eyes. On his arm was some kind of symbiotic creature. As they kissed the Katianna beside him let out a breath.
"Computer, freeze program. Go forward to -"
"Who was that?" He asked curiously.
"His name was William Boone . . ." She replied. "He was someone from another dimension . . ."
Keung picked something up in her voice as he looked at her. "Were you in love with him?" he asked.
Katianna choked back a cry and nodded. "The last time I saw him I would have gladly stayed, if I'd had my daughter with me . . . But it wasn't meant to be . . ." She shook her head as she looked down. "He's dead anyway . . . The last time I ended up in that reality, I was told he'd been killed . . . It tore me apart, so close on the heels of losing my husband . . . Two men I loved dead in less than three years . . ." She sighed.
"And yet there was Jovan?"
For a moment she smiled. "Computer, go forward to .6988."
Suddenly their surroundings changed yet again. This time to a tennis court.
"That man with the nose ridges is Jovan?" Lee asked questioningly. "But isn't that a . . . Bajoran?"
"That was his cover identity at the time, Reni James . . . before he finally became Jovan Kalimar . . . One day I'll have to tell you the entire story," she smiled. "But this is how we first met.
The tennis match was just coming to an end. It had been a tough game, Captain Turner had beaten James by five points. Turner smiled as the computer announced her victory. "Well, Jim, you played a good game. I gotta go, though. There are a few formalities to run before the Aquitania leaves the starbase."
James reached for a phaser and pointed it at Turner. "Let me save you the paperwork."
Turner was surprised at James's reaction. "Look, just because you lost the game..."
"It's not because I lost! Look at me! Don't you remember me?"
Turner looked closely. "No, I don't."
"Picture me with black hair, and as a Q!"
Turner's eyes went wide open. "Jovani? But you're dead!"
"Just call it luck." He approached her. "I spent a long time in the brig because of you. I've come back to pay you back."
Turner didn't waiver. "You were volatile. You were headstrong and insubordinate. You had way too much power. I kept you locked up for your own safety."
"Liar!" He backhanded her, and she fell against a bench and onto the floor. "Die, you..." There was a flash of light and James flew back against the fence of the tennis court.
Commander Katianna Nadira stood at the entrance to the holodeck with a phaser in her hand. It had recently been shot. She stepped into the room. The doors closed behind her and were replaced by the background image of a park. "Sorry. I can't let you do that, Jovani."
James gradually stood up. He wasn't used to having phaser blasts hit him so hard before. "You don't understand. She..."
"She saved my life, my daughter's life, and the lives of the crew of the Sarek. She saved a race from extinction from the Borg. She kept the crew of the Caronia alive. She has only done good all her life."
"But..."
"But nothing. In this line of work, you have to put the whole picture before your personal agenda. You work for the Federation. You have to think of what is best for it. Captain Turner is a very valuable officer for the Federation. She must continue to serve it and only it."
Captain Turner stood up. "Commander Nadira, arrest this man. He is not a Bajoran."
Katianna walked up to Turner. "Sorry, Captain." She placed a mechanical object on her right temple, and she became unconscious.
James walked up to Katianna and an unconscious Turner. "I am sorry. I just felt so much hatred for her. She..."
"I know already. Charlie told me. She did it for the best. You must understand that. Some decisions a captain makes are hard. But they make them because they know it'll be for the best." She paused. "Just be thankful you've been assigned an understanding watcher. Had Charlie been here, he would have vaporized you on the spot."
"Computer freeze program," Katianna said. She looked at the frozen image of Reni James and sighed. This was where it all started . . . This was the moment she made her decision to help him and guide him . . . That moment had put her on the path to losing her heart to him. "Now . . . Computer, forward to .8221," she said.
Their surroundings changed again to a structure on an asteroid.
Kat leveled the weapon at Jovo's chest. "Don't come any closer!"
Jovo laughed again. "Or you'll what? Shoot me? Please. You couldn't shoot me when you were my Watcher. What makes you think you could do it now?"
Kat charged the weapon.
"Oh. The bitch is back, indeed." He smiled. "You know, Kat, this whole you and I thing... I don't think it's going to work out. Being that I'm going to kill you in about a minute, I think it's best that I see other people."
Kat's voice cracked. "I'll kill you if I have to."
Jovo shook his head. "No... you won't." He began to walk forward with his hand out as if asking for Kat to give him the gun.
Without warning, the wall began to morph. They seemed to have been replaced by a beach over a purple sky and blood red oceans. Startled, Jovo moved in Kat's direction.
Then, she fired.
Jovo stumbled back as the walls returned. He looked at his wound, then at Kat. His eyes wild. He began to scream as he charged at Kat.
Kat fired again.
Jovo flew back against the wall and through the bulk head, crushing the hull of a shuttle he landed on three stories below. He lay motionless.
Kat began to sob uncontrollably. Laurissa released Kara and moved over to console her mother.
As Katianna watched herself, her voice cracked, she called for the computer to forward again. This time their surroundings became that of a cave. Only two players were in this scene. Katianna was obviously one. Kalimar, Lee surmised, was the other.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, but you're not Jovo." She fought back the tears in her eyes. "I have tried to ignore things for a very long time. I wanted you to be Jovo. But you were too perfect, and then there were things that weren't the same. Like this, with the tetracorder. Then there's the fact that I can't pick up any emotions in you. I use to be able to read you. I wanted to be wrong. But I know I'm not... Kalimar." Her green eyes were alight with her emotions. She kept them in check, but they were just beneath the surface.
Kalimar dropped his arm. "There are no smugglers, are there?"
She stared him down for a moment. "None," Katianna replied. "Just you and me."
Kalimar smiled and shook his head. "Well, that's just great." He turned around, took a step, and quickly turned back toward Katianna. "Do you think you're the only one who's suffered?" He began to mimic Katianna. "'Oh! Oh! I'm in pain. I'm the only damned person in the freakinguniverse that deserves any sympathy!'" He shook his head. "Wake up! You are not the only person in this cave with problems!"
"I'm not the only person in the universe with problems," Kat replied, "But they won't be solved by someone like you. Kalimar, you create suffering. You make things worse. That's what you are. What you do... What you thrive on. But its going to stop here." She wasn't yelling. She wasn't crying. She wasn't hysterical. She was willing herself to go numb. This is just how things had to be. There was no other way.
Kalimar scoffed. "Oh please. I create suffering? What about you? Little miss perfect Starfleet officer? You think little Laurissa is happy to be dragged around the quadrant because you happen to get yourself knocked up with the first demon-infested wanna-be that comes along? And what about him? Do you know what 'Jovan' really thinks about you? He blames you for all of this. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't abandoned your daughter in that other reality. He's dead now because of you. Because he 'loved' you. How sick.
"And Kara Lac. The lone survivor of an entire race. Is she happy? Was she happy abandoning her world because you let yourself get knocked up with the daughter of their king? What would good ol' Arturus think if he knew that, once he was gone, you ran off with the handsome Lancelot?" Kalimar turned into Arturus. "You've betrayed my memory, Katianna. You're such a worthless--" Immediately she struck him to shut him up and then smiled with a wicked twinkle in her eyes. "You can't hurt me," she replied, forcing everything away from herself to put up the charade. "What you're representing to me are lies. You take what's truth and twist it to suit your whims of darkness. But it won't work this time!"
Kalimar turned back into Jovan's form and stumbled back. "Ow!" He looked up at Katianna and smiled. His eyes glowed red as he pulled out a dagger. "You like explanations, right? This is a traditional Romulan blade. It was used in the olden days for clean assassination. I planned touse it on you. I figured that you would die in the heat of battle against some vicious smugglers who would not allow their precious ale to be taken from them."
Kalimar ran up to Katianna and pinned her against the wall, placing the blade to her neck. "Since there are no smugglers, I say, why wait!"
Katianna quickly pulled out the vile of Demon's Bane and crashed it on the floor. The purple gas shot up, and Kalimar let go of Katianna, stumbling back. Katianna began to run.
Suddenly, a wind swept by her, and Kalimar was in front of her, blocking her exit. "Nice trick. It's too bad I got so strong so quickly." He whispered into Katianna's ear. "Sex with you has fed me. You're quite the little animal. Now let's see you squeal." He slashed at Katianna's arm with the blade, then he threw her back five feet.
Katianna landed on her rear, cradling her arm.
Kalimar licked the blood off the blade. "You taste marvelously delicious. I'm going to enjoy bathing in your blood."
Katianna began to run further into the cave. She heard Kalimar yell, "Where are you going? Aren't you having fun?!" Katianna kept running until she reached a larger cavern. She looked around and noticed a crack along the ceiling of the cavern. Then she noticed the cavern held up by three columns of rock. Out of nowhere, Kalimar appeared behind her.
"Hi," said Kalimar as he grabbed her by the hair.
Katianna quickly used both hands to grab the arm holding the blade, and twisted it so that the blade stuck into Kalimar's chest.
Katianna was thrown forward. She rolled behind one of the three columns of rock just as Kalimar fired an energy blast from his hand, shattering the rock. Katianna got an idea.
Kalimar pulled the blade out of his chest. "That hurt, you bitch!" He threw the blade to the ground and fired another blast as Katianna jumped out of the way. Kalimar's eyes glowed angrily. He fired at Katianna again as she jumped behind the second column, and the blast shattered that column as well. Katianna ran again and jumped behind the third column just as Kalimar fired a fourth time, shattering the last column.
Katianna then ran to the exit from the cavern the same way she had come.
Kalimar was almost gloating at his impending victory. "Leaving so soon?"
Katianna made a face. "I have other engagements." She pulled out her phaser, set it to overload, and threw it at the cavern's ceiling. The phaser exploded, tearing a hole in the cavern's infrastructure. Katianna began to run.
Kalimar looked up and saw the cracks in the rock continue to grow. "Shit," he said as tons of rock fell upon him.
Katianna jumped out of the cave's entrance as the dust from the imploding cave shot out after her. She landed clear of the cave on some bushes. She didn't even look back as she called for the transport.
"And the last . . ."Kat said soft. "Computer, forward to .8854."
Another cave appeared. But this one was different. It had a feeling of evil to it almost. And there were men and women dressed in white, except for Katianna. They were the Order of the Light she spoke about. Lee also recognized Kalimar now. As the movement started he saw a blur of movement.
Boam went at Kalimar twice with his sword, missing both times. The third time, Kalimar grabbed it with his open hand, hit Boam in the forehead with the handle, and flipped it around. Then, he kicked Boam, sending him flying against a wall. Piatt and Samin attacked Kalimar at the sametime with their swords. Kalimar blocked every attack, then, he used his own sword to guide Piatt's thrust into Samin, then he backhanded Piatt, knocking him into the chasm.
Kalimar growled. "C'mon! I haven't broken a sweat!"
Katianna presented herself. "Kalimar!" She pulled out a photon grenade, setting it to explode on impact.
Kalimar smiled greedily. "Why, Kat! I've been looking for--"
Katianna threw the grenade, and it hit Kalimar on the chest. The blast caused him to go tumbling into the chasm. Kalimar quickly kicked the side of the chasm, and propelled himself into the air. He backflipped and landed on the other side. Kalimar looked down. "Close one." He jumped across the chasm and landed in front of Katianna. "Try that one again."
Katianna went to punch him in the face, but Kalimar grabbed her arm. He charged up an energy blast. "Now's when you go away." He hit her in the chest with the energy blast. It exploded, but nothing happened. "What the--?"
Katianna smiled. "I came prepared." She headbutt Kalimar and flipped backward, kicking him in the face.
Tunim, Reva, and Coran attacked Kalimar. They went at him, slash after slash, trying to get him to fall into the chasm. Coran went to kick Kalimar, but he grabbed his leg and used him as a bat against Tunim. He then grabbed Reva's sword, pushed it back, embedding it into the front of her head. Boam fired a plasma blast at Kalimar with his gun. Kalimar used Reva's body as a shield for the first shot, then the second. He tossed her body into the chasm and blocked the third with his hand, reflecting it back at him. The plasma blast his Boam in the belly, and he flew back against the wall again, though this time he was dead.
Tunim and Levi attacked Kalimar. Kalimar backhanded Levi, throwing her off. Kalimar then kicked Tunim's sword, knocking it out of his hand. He completed his attack by sidekicking Tunim's head, swiping it clean off the rest of his body.
Katianna angrily attacked Kalimar again. She kicked him twice on both sides. Kalimar grabbed her leg on the fourth kick and slammed her on the ground. Katianna jumped back up, Tunim's sword in hand. She slashed twice at Kalimar. The third time, she managed to embed the sword in his side.
Kalimar growled. "Ow! You bitch!" He pulled out the sword, twisted it around, and slashed at Katianna's neck, but instead of going through, it was repelled by a powerful blue shield. "What is that?!" That's when he saw the shimmering thing on her neck. Kalimar lunged forward and yanked off her necklace. He quickly dropped on the floor and stepped on it.
Katianna looked at Kalimar, bewildered.
Kalimar smirked, "Tough luck," then he uppercut her, causing her to fall on Coran.
Levi attacked Kalimar. She slashed at him once. Kalimar quickly twirled her around and held her in an armlock. Kalimar sniffed her. "She smells like you, Coran. I'm gonna borrow her for a bit if you don't mind."
Levi tried to fight away. "You'll never win, you demonic--"
Kalimar cut her off by snapping her neck. Then he grabbed her with one hand and tossed her into the pillar of fire that had been created by the jet stone.
"NOOOO!!!" yelled Coran as he got up and ran at Kalimar.
Kalimar simply turned around and punched right through Coran's side. "I thought I killed you once before." He used his leg to pull his arm out of Coran and to push him back to where Katianna lay. Katianna crawled to Coran as Coran gasped for air.
Levi, whose body had been floating within the pillar of fire, began to convulse. The air in the chamber turned stale and dry. Fire began to shoot up from the chasm. Thunder roared.
Before long, Levi was shot out from the fire and landed in a genuflecting position next to Kalimar. She raised her head; her eyes were glowing red. Then, she stood up.
Levi looked at Kalimar. "I thought you were dead."
"Yeah, well, I'm not. Good to see you too, Amojen."
Katianna whispered to Coran, "Who is that?"
Coran could barely make out the words, "Kosst... Amojen..."
"Oh."
Amojen looked at her new body. "Hmm. The last time I had one of these it was a Cardassian male." She felt her breasts. "I could get used to this."
Kalimar was pleased. "Well, I wanted us to be compatible. I wanted to give you that one," he pointed at Katianna, "but she was a feisty one."
"Indeed." Amojen approached Katianna and Coran. "Where is the Emissary?"
Katianna looked at Coran, then back at Amojen. "The who?"
Kalimar shook his head as he came up to Amojen's side. "She doesn't know. She's not involved with Sisko. He has other worries now. She and a witch are our only obstacles."
Amojen nodded. "Ah. A Tercerim. It's been too long since I've fed on a witch's flesh." She looked at Katianna again. "So, do you have plans for this one?"
Kalimar thought for a moment. "Not particularly."
"Then, I may have a kill?"
"Take pleasure in it. It will be the first of many."
Amojen smiled and lifted her arm. "I will set the universe aflame, and I shall start with you."
Suddenly, a phaser blast hit the ground, just in front of Kalimar and Amojen, sending the two flying backward against the wall on the other side of the chasm. The USS Seth descended into the chamber through the skylight. As Kalimar and Amojen got up, several blasts from a skrill cameat them, keeping them down.
"Go, Kassia, go!" Tara said from her position on top of the Seth.
Kassia initiated a transport and both Katianna and Coran were transported onto the Seth.
Tara jumped back into the Seth as Kalimar and Amojen began to fire energy blasts at the Seth, hitting the Seth's shields harmlessly. The Seth quickly went to impulse and shot out of the area before the two demons could do much of anything.
Katianna lay over Coran, not even noticing that Kassia and Tara had just saved her life. "You're going to be okay."
Coran coughed painfully. "My time here is through. We have failed today. The Dark Trinity is more than half-reunited. I'm sorry that the task of stopping the Dark must now fall upon you."
Katianna shed a tear. "Please. Don't talk. Keep your strength."
"You cannot let the Light be extinguished. You are our only hope."
"You will not die on me."
Coran did not respond.
"Coran? Coran. Coran!" Katianna's eyes suddenly went blank. "Stop the ship."
Kassia looked back. "We need to get--"
"Stop. The. Ship."
Tara leaned down over Katianna. "Katianna. Commander. If we stop, we risk everything."
"Computer, land this ship."
<Voice recognition confirmed. Setting to autopilot.>
Kassia looked at Tara. "I'm locked out."
The Seth landed on the side of a mountain range that lay next to a green prairie. Katianna opened the airlock and carried Coran's body outside, ignoring Kassia and Tara's protests.
Katianna laid Coran's body on the ground and morphed her arms into shovels with which she began to dig. Before long, she had a large hole made. She lay Coran into it and began to use the same procedure to cover him up.
Katianna, then, fell over on top of Coran's fresh grave. "I promise you I will carry out the Order's mission. I will stop the Dark. And I will kill Kalimar with my own two hands. You will be avenged. You and all your family."
As the image froze, Lee realized it was indeed the Prairie that she had picked as a place she came to when she was trying to find peace. He wasn't sure how she could. He was also a little astonished by her recreations. How real they were . . . As he looked at her, he watched as she just fell to the ground on her knees. She was almost silent as she looked on at the grave and herself.
"I swore to him I would stop Kalimar . . . I swore I would . . . That I would carry on this quest," she said and then shook her head. "I don't know how . . . How do I fight someone with so many powers . . . and I have next to nothing in comparison . . . But I'm suppose to trust the Light . . . The problem is, I'm not real big on trust right now . . ."
As he sat next to her, he gently brushed away the tears from her face. "Do you trust me?" he asked.
She nodded."Of course," she replied without thinking twice.
"Then you're able to trust . . . Maybe you just need to exercise it a bit more," he replied. It was easier to deal with her emotions than to try to get his head around her problems and think about demons. "If you're suppose to trust the Light as you say, then the Light will provide your way."
"I don't see how . . ." she shook her head. "And I'm so tired of everything . . the pressure, the fear . . ."
"And if you stepped away, would you feel any different?" he asked.
She was silent. "No . . ." She sighed. She knew she'd feel worse. If there was something she could do and didn't, she would feel even more guilty than she did now. "I just want the pain to stop . . . I want to enjoy my life again . . . I want to not be afraid of what the future is going to bring . . "
"The first place to start is to take one day at a time," Lee said as he tenderly caressed the hair out of her face and then gently ran his fingers over her lips. He shook his head gently still with puzzlement in his eyes. "Even with all this, Kat, you're a very strong woman . . . I don't know what else is eating at you, but it's more than just the memories . . . Or this seemingly unsurmountable challenge . . ."
She was quiet for a moment as a tear dropped to dampen the ground beneath her. "I don't know if I can give it a name . . . It's the feelings . . . I feel . . . responsible . . . For everything . . . For Kalimar . . . For what he's already done . . . For what he will do . . ."
"Guilt," He said as he wrapped an arm around her. "You feel guilt . . . You've been fighting against yourself."
She had known that the answer was within her, but she had not wanted to hear it. It scared her to know. She was afraid of what it might lead to. "And I am guilty," she said.
"No . . ." he tried to reassure her. He might not know all the particulars, but he did know that Katianna Nadira was not the type to deliberately do anything that would hurt someone else, unless it was necessary. "I don't understand all of this, I know that . . . But I know you . . . You would have never hurt anyone deliberately . . . Not unless you had to."
"But the more I turn it over in my head, the more I see my own faults . . . what I did wrong . . . Maybe what I should have done different . . ."
"You're allowing your mind to try to back track the problem and all it's doing is destroying you," Lee said. "As much as you might not want to hear this, what's done is done. Now you deal with the present. Forget about what you could have done, might have done, would have done . . . It all doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"
Katianna looked at him, her eyes pierced him into his soul. "But I am responsible."
"Even if you are, you can't change that," he replied. "Instead of destroying yourself over your guilt, focus on your objective . . . Truly devote yourself to what you want to accomplish . . . The answers will come sooner or later. The Light," he said, somewhat unsure, "Will guide you. You just have to believe that."
She wasn't sure what to believe anymore and instinctively curled up into his arms, like she use to do so long ago. As he held her, he really felt that all she was were her muscles, skin and bone. There was hardly anything else of her. And the darkness around her eyes, though mild, always stood out to him.
"Do you eat and sleep?" he asked seriously.
"Some," she replied softly. "I eat when I think about it . . . or when my stomach allows . . . Sleeping? I do that until I have a nightmare . . ."
"And how often is that?"
She laughed for a moment gently. "Almost every night . . ."
"And do the doctors know?" he asked.
"Let's just say I've been to sickbay," Katianna replied.
"Oh?"
"Yeah . . . lacerations, punctured kidney . . . That's what generally happens with sword fights," she replied.
"But the holosuite safety protocals-"
"I was shutting them off," she replied quietly. "Last time I was put into sickbay on a 72 hour medical hold . . . Right before you arrived on Station actually . . . Now I'm not allowed to mess with the safeties . . . At least for the next month . . ."
"That actually sounds like the best thing for you," he replied not sure how she would take that, but he was worried about her.
She could sense his concern and slowly sat back up. She looked at him and smiled. "Don't worry, Lee . . ." she smiled softly as she caressed his cheek allowing her hand run through his hair. "I'll be okay . . ."
He wasn't convinced. This was too ingrained into her at the moment. "Katianna . . . the pain is still there . . ."
"But I can push it away," she replied as she smiled, still feeling the black hole inside her.
"For how long before it catches up?" he asked. "It will catch up to you . ."
She shook her head. She didn't want to think about it. "I don't know . . . But I do what I can, when I can . . .It's the only thing I can do to survive."
She looked liked she was old and young all at the same time. She was strong and fragile. She was a tiger and a kitten . . . She was both extremes put together in this shell. He wanted to protect her and fight with her by her side all at the same time.
"I'll stand beside you through this," he said. "You 're not alone."
"But I am," she replied. "I showed you what Kalimar can do. How can I ask someone to go up against that with me? I would be asking that person to die for me . . . and I have already seen too many people for me . . . Besides . . I'm the chosen one . . ." She said softly.
He didn't understand her statement about people having died for her, but he held her anyway and tenderly kissed her forehead. "Well, you won't have much choice. I'm here, and I'm here to stay. You can't push me away, because I won't go . . ."
She tilted her head up to look at his and in that moment he brought his lips to hers and kissed her softly. All thought washed away from her. She called to the computer to change program to the original one she had been running. The grave disappeared and it just left them in the prairie. A light breeze blew her hair out of her face. He gently weaved his hands through it as he kissed her again. Gently he laid her on her back on the grass. His movements were slow, tender . . . She responded to him, needing the tenderness and comfort and acceptance he offered her. Each caress made the darkness subside just a little and each kiss filled the hole. She knew it wouldn't last, but it would last for now . . . and for now was all she needed. She needed a reprieve from the darkness and the pain. Just enough to get her feet again . . . But could she? She didn't know . . . She returned his touches and caresses and lost herself to him once again.
In Lee's and Alicia's quarters the lights were off and the only illumination came from the aquarium in the corner of the room. In a sleep shirt with a throw over her Alicia slept restlessly on the couch waiting for Lee to arrive back in quarters after talking with Katianna.
She didn't wake when he stepped into their quarters, but until the touch of his hand brushing the hair away from her face and his sitting on the couch beside her, "hmmm," she said, "I take it you found Kat and spoke with her?"
"Yes." He said, "I'll tell you tomorrow. Let's get you off the couch before you get a kink in your neck." He led her into her room, and with a troubled mind kissed her good night, tucked her in, and she was asleep before he'd turned back to tell her goodnight from the doorway. He stepped out into the main room and debated going to his own but sat on the couch and watched the fish swim long into the night.