Thirty six hours later Dr. Cherrin released Captain Alcon to her quarters. All she could do there was listen to soft music, mediate, or just lay around which she found very hard to do. Everything triggered a colossal headache. She'd been home alone all morning but Nathan came to see her on her break and found her laying on the couch in semi darkness. He leaned over her and asked, "How's the headache?"
"Rivaling a drum circle." She kissed him and he moved to sit on the edge of the couch. She sat up a bit higher.
"What do you want for lunch?"
"Nothing." She saw him frown and shake his head. So she changed her mind and said, "Soup. But make yourself whatever you like."
He stood and headed over to the replicator to see what was programmed in for soups...and chose cheddar cheese and broccoli. For himself he ordered a sub sandwich. He also ordered a glass of cold water which arrived immediately. He took the glass and found Jayme's pain meds where he'd left them in the bedroom. Taking two out he headed for the couch. "Here. Dr. Cherrin prescribed these and meant for you to take them." She took the two tabs and looked at them and then clenched her fist around them. "I can't."
"You mean... won't." He set the glass of water down, and asked, "Why not?"
"That's what I mean--won't." She was trapped on the couch by him sitting on the edge. She looked into his dark eyes and with a sigh, "They make me sleepy."
He shook his head and said. "That's not entirely a bad thing, Jayme."
"It is if you don't want to have nightmares or flashbacks..." Ok, she'd said it. And she saw the confusion on his face and then the dawning of remembrance, 'Heart of the Matter'. He stood and went to the replicator and got her soup, spoon, and a towel. "I'm sorry. I hadn't realized that was a problem. I want you to call and talk with Kassia this afternoon. You can't not takeanything for your headache or you'll be back in sickbay. Do you have Acetaminophen in your gear?"
"Yes, I do." She made a move to get off the couch, but sat back down with her head between her hands.
He set the bowl down. "Stay put, I'll go get it." He entered the bedroom and pulled her pack out of the closet and found the med kit in the top compartment of the 25 kilogram pack. He walked back into the living room carrying it. He sat on the couch and handed it to her. She pulled the tab and opened it and found the right envelope and shook out a dose and reached for the water. She handed the pouch back to him and sat with her eyes closed for a few minuets.
Before securing the tabs he pulled out the hypospray and loaded a dose a Terakine and set it on the coffee table beside the water glass he placed the med gear under the table out of the way. He stood and fetched his own lunch. He thought about calling Alistair to let him know he planned to hang out here in case he was needed...but didn't want to crowd Jayme. She ate her soup and placed the bowl back on the table and rolled her head on her shoulders a bit.
"How are you feeling?"
"A bit better. Thanks." She sat back and watched him eat. "I won't take what you've loaded into the hypospray. But, do you think that pain patch you used with my knee would work for this?"
He chewed and thought about it. After a few minutes he shrugged and said, "I don't see why it wouldn't and it shouldn't make you sleepy just comfortable." He took another bite of his sandwich. "The only problem I see is that 'Asinolyanthin' doesn't work instantly and will take about 12 hours for it to work...you'd have to be willing to take something else. Before with your knee it was placed after surgery and you were held and medicated for 24hrs until your discharge." He saw the look of disappointment on her face, and he said, "I'm willing to try it. I have to go back to sickbay to work this afternoon and can get it. Acetaminophen isn't going to be enough coverage, Jayme...either take one of the pills Alistair sent or let me dose you with Tarekine, until I can get back here this evening."
"No. I'll just take the acetaminophen. Thanks." He stood and took the dishes to the kitchen area and walked back over. He picked up the hypospray and adjusted the dose. I have this set and ready--should you get to uncomfortable enough-- you know how to use it. I'll be back later." He leaned in and kissed her. He adjusted his jacket as he walked out the door.
Part of Kassia's job entailed her going to sickbay and checking on a few of the patients that the doctors there referred to her for an evaluation. Most times, just one session in sickbay was enough. On other occasions, the patient warranted on going therapy. As she finished up with a young woman who had not only fallen down, hitting her head most unfortunately against a shelf in the bulkhead, but her marriage was falling apart. Kassia spoke with her and calmed her . . . This after Dr. Cherrin had already given her a mild tranquilizer. After setting up an appointment with the woman for later in the week, she began to just peruse sickbay. She had no other real reason for being there now. She was just there to be . . . But there was no real need for her to return to her office either. Her work was essentially done for the day. She didn't even have anymore patients until tomorrow morning . . .
Suddenly, she saw Nathan. She sensed that something was bothering him and immediately went straight to him. "Hello there, stranger," she smiled gently as her green eyes sparkled.
"Hey you? I was thinking about you earlier...were your ears ringing?" He smiled. "If you're looking for Jayme, Dr. Cherrin discharged her last night and she's in her quarters. I think she'd like to see a friendly face especially since just about everything else makes her head hurt."
He finished the chart he was looking at and signed off and crossed his arms over his chest, looking into her green eyes, said, "she's refusing to take pain medication..."
Kassia sighed and shook her head. "That's Jayme for you . . ." she replied. "Has she said anything to you about why she doesn't want to take the medication?"
He nodded and leaned against the wall so that he wasn't towering over Kassia. "Yeah, and I quote, "They make me sleepy." And I said that wasn't entirely a bad thing and she said, "It is if you don't want to have nightmares or flashbacks..."
Kassia nodded. She understood enough . . . "Maybe I will go have a chat with her. If she's having nightmares and flashbacks . . . Well, I have been there and I have done that!" Kassia said. "Maybe I can help her. After all, I am the counselor!" She added a wink for good measure.
Jayme was laying on the couch and decided that she'd contact Kassia and see if she was available for tea. She tapped her combadge that she wore on her t-shirt, "Captain Alcon to Lt. Kassia."
With surprise Kassia's eyebrow arched. She tapped her badge and smiled. "Kassia here. What it is, Jayme?"
"Was wondering if you have time this afternoon to have tea with me?"
"Absolutely!" Kassia replied. "In fact, I'm free now. Care for a visit?"
"Sure, as long as you don't mind making the tea. Moving around to much makes my head hurt." Jayme said.
Nathan looked at Kassia and shook his head in wonder and smiled and mouth, 'any movement makes her head hurt.'
"No problem!" Kassia smiled. "I can play hostess and therapist and friend and whatever role you'd like to hand me!" She laughed softly.
Jayme groaned silently and said, "Great look forward to seeing you." Jayme touched her combadge to break the signal.
Nathan stood and continued to shake his head in faint amusement that Jayme had actually followed through. "Oh, don't leave. I want to order a medication for her...it is one she actually brought up and I think she'll wear. He went to the medication computer station named 'Pyxis' and typed in her name and then found the medication and ordered it. It popped out of a slot a moment later. "Here. Place it on clean dry skin, preferably where she can't reach to take it off."
Kassia nodded. "All right," she replied. "Anything else I should know before I head off to visit Jayme?"
"No," he said, but after a moment of thought added. "Have a good time."
She smiled. "Of course!" she replied as if it were a given. Quickly, she headed off to Jayme's.
It didn't seem to take her long to get to Jayme's quarters as door sensor chimed.
"Enter." Jayme called out. The door slid open and Kassia with a smile and the sparkle in her eyes entered. And just the amount of energy given off from the counselor made Jayme's head ache. Jayme sat up on the couch and placed her feet on the floor. "You must have been halfway here when I talked to you?"
"I was in sickbay," she replied, doing my job . . . Checking on referrals . . All that fun stuff!" Kassia replied. "How are you doing? It seems like that headache has gotten the better of you. But Nathan gave me something that should help in time!" In her hand, she produced the patch.
"Great. I'm glad he sent that here with you. Did he give you any instructions?" She saw Kassia nod yes and with a sigh reached up and pulled her hair out of the way while Kassia fought with the backing of the jell patch. Kassia slid it under the neck of the t-shirt and placed on her left shoulder. Kassia pulled her hand back and walked over to the replicator to summon tea and some shortbread cookies.
"Kassia--did Nate tell you I was being a pain in the ass?"
"I wouldn't say that," she replied. "He's concerned though. He thinks it's a mistake for you not to take the medication prescribed to you. I'm leaning toward that general direction myself," she said, returning with the tea and cookies. "...I certainly don't want to see you sufferneedlessly."
"The headache and the related nausea is annoying, but I wouldn't say overwhelming. Even if I didn't have them I still wouldn't be released for duty... so this way it keeps from being a hero and trying to do stuff." Jayme said accepting the cup of tea. "Besides, if I was in the field, Acetaminophen is all I'd treat this with, wouldn't want anything to mask other symptoms."
Kassia sighed. "Jayme . . ." she took a sip of her tea. "We're not in the field. And the doctors already know that's wrong. They did all the tests and everything . . . Out in the field they don't have all the fancy equipment to make all the right decisions . . . " Kassia shrugged. "The best thing you could do is just rest. If you get up and start moving around, trying to do anything, you're going to land yourself right back on the deck, and I think you know it . . ." She took another sip of her tea very nonchalantly. "This is such a good blend of tea! I really like it!"
"Thanks, it's one of the blends I've put together over the years. And, no, You can't have the recipe--otherwise you wouldn't come visit me for tea." Jayme reached over and took a cookie and nibbled on it, then said, "Kassia, I know we aren't in the field. I trust Dr. Cherrin and Nate to do their jobs...I don't trust the medications and how they make me feel. I know if I do to much I'll be on my back for days, hence another reason to suffer the headache otherwise I'd be working out and trying to pull duty." She sipped her own tea.
"There's something deeper to this, isn't there?" she asked. "You don't like not being able to wake up and be alert at a moment's notice, perhaps?" This time she was very concerned. She didn't want to force the issue, but this was interfering with her friend's recovery. And that's what she was concerned about.
"No, I don't like the drugged feeling that comes with the meds Dr. Cherrin ordered. I also don't like the fact that it lowers the barrier between my conscious and subconscious mind..." Jayme set her tea cup down and drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, and said, "while I was unconscious and I don't know if this before or after I was taken to Sickbay but I kept reliving the events of that night on Europa. Kassia, every time since then it has invaded my dreams."
Kassia let out and breath and nodded. " I thought it might be something like that . . . You've told me some of what happened . . . Have more of the memories come back? Or are you trying to prevent that from happening?" she asked. "I couldn't blame you if you are . . . No one would want to relive a trauma they went through . . ."
With a derisive snort, Jayme said, "No. I remember all of the details." She rested her forehead against her knees and tried to take several deep cleansing breathes. "I don't want to..."
"So you do remember the details finally. . ." she said quietly, taking another sip of tea. "I know you would rather not have these memories, Jayme. Those of us with these kinds of memories try to wish them away, only they're part of us. What we learn to do in time, hopefully, is to learn to accept what happened. That it was merely an event from our past. It might have ended up shaping where we are now, but we can grow from here and get beyond it slowly . . ."
Jayme looked up and shrugged her shoulders and realized that the pain was building in her head again. "I remember the details. And I understand what your saying." She rested her head back down on her knees and closed her eyes trying to push the nausea away.
"As long as I don't sleep. I'm not overwhelmed by the memories. I know... I have to sleep sometime, but there is a difference between natural sleep and the drugs."
Kassia nodded but interjected, "Exhaustion and pain are not helping either Jayme and will prevent you from resting."
Kassia wanted to offer her another quick fix, but she wasn't sure it was the wisest thing to do. It could at least take the edge off the pain, she reasoned. She also began thinking about the stones in her shop. There was one in particular she wished she had with her. It was a healing stone.
As she thought about it, she suddenly felt something cool in the palm of her right hand. As she looked, it was the small, flat, dark purple stone with etchings on it. She closed her eyes for a moment concentrating her own energy into it.
As she contemplated it, she looked at Jayme. "Maybe I have something that's not drug related that might help the pain and help you sleep better," she said, as she held out the stone. "This is a Simbarii healing stone." Sensing no resistance from Jayme she placed the stone up to Jayme's forehead and held it there as she closed her eyes, again as if concentrating her own powers through the stone.
As her green eyes opened she looked at Jayme. Her countenance seemed a bit more calm. Less pained . . . "How do you feel now?" she asked, removing the stone and placing it in Jayme's hand.
The pain in her head remained but the nausea was gone. Jayme looked up and slowly dropped her right leg to rest on the floor, her arms still encircled her left knee. She moved her head and her shoulders around for another minute and said, "The nausea is gone for the moment." Jayme leaned over and picked up her tea and took a sip. "I can live with just the headache."
Jayme knew that her friend had also picked up and knew the memories that haunted her from that brutal assault back on Europa station.
"Kassia, I want to go through this once and for all to night! I want Nathan here; I just need to do it! I know one of you or both are going to say 'No' with the concussion being so fresh...I know it might end up putting me back in sickbay--so be it."
Kassia nodded in complete understanding. She could sense that maybe this was the right time. There was never a perfect time and only the person who had to let out the emotions and the memories could decide when to do so . . . When it was right for them. Kassia tapped her combadge. "Lt. Kassia to Dr. Fletcher," she said.
[Dr. Fletcher here.] He responded from the desk where he was reviewing an article and radiation sickness.
"How soon can you pull yourself away?" she asked.
[Anytime. Is something wrong?] he asked, all of a sudden worried that Jayme was feeling worse. Jayme stood while they were talking and walked into her bedroom. There she went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Between the pounding of her head and her heart she wouldn't be surprised if everyone else could hear it too. She walked out and found an old soft sweat shirt to wear and sat on her bed with her hands tucked under her arms.
"No, nothing is wrong . . . It's just Jayme wants to talk . . ." she said, knowing he'd get her meaning. "She needs you here."
He stood walked around the corner and saw that Alistair was in his office. He tapped on the glass and when motioned ahead entered and took a seat. He closed the computer file he'd been reading and looked at Nathan. "What's up?"
Nathan cleared his throat, "I need to take the rest of the day off... Jayme I think has changed her mind about the pain meds but wants me there."
Alistair's telepathic abilities weren't obvious but he didn't avoid using them. "Nathan don't let that woman do anything stupid...I don't want her back here tonight. I'm off in an hour, if you need me call."
"I don't plan on anything happening I think its more just lazing around. I do plan on taking a mild tranq dose with me...to help her relax." He saw the other man nod ok. Nathan walked over to the 'Pyxis' and requisitioned three different meds--several doses of each, and he walked out of sickbay.
Kassia was there at the door as it slid open to greet Nathan as he waited to enter. She guided him in. She was worried about him as well. "Glad you could make it," she said softly, but there was no humor in her face.
Nathan set the med kit on the table beside the door and with his hands on his hips and a guarded expression on his face looked around and didn't see Jayme. He lets out the breath he'd been holding and stated, "Kassia, I don't understand?"
"You don't understand what?" she asked. "Jayme has picked this time to talk about her memories. She needs to get this out in the open and off of her mind."
"That came out both badly and wrong...why now?"
Kassia shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it was the assault . ." she replied.
"The woman, I left here is in no shape to be torturing herself this way, damn it! I understand the value of doing this and I'm glad she wants to open up, but she doesn't need her blood pressure or intercrainal pressures spiking and she'll be back in sickbay before the evening is out."
"I believe you've brought something with you that will solve that problem, did you not?" Kassia asked, looking him dead in the eyes. She wasn't going to back down from this. She didn't want to see Jayme back in sickbay either, but she knew this was important, or these ghosts were going to keep haunting her. She didn't want that for her friend.
Nathan looked away and nodded, and said quietly. "I brought several meds with me one for anxiety, a tranq dose, and something to keep her blood pressure from getting out of control."
He looked back down on the counselor. "I'd rather not have to use any of these...any chance of putting this off?" He saw Kassia shake her head no. He picked up the med kit and asked, "I assume Jayme's in the bedroom?"
Kassia nodded. "She's waiting for us . . ." she replied, her green eyes watching him carefully.
He paused before heading into the bedroom to face off with Jayme to see if sweet reason could yet prevail. He asked, "do you have any objections to the use of 'Ambazine' anti-anxiety medication for this session?"
"Actually, I think it would help her get through it a lot easier," Kassia replied honestly. "Just because she's remembering doesn't mean she has to experience it as intensely as she did . . . The memory is what's important . . To get her to acknowledge the memory and to talk about it."
Nathan took a deep breath, and said, "I'm glad you don't have a problem with the meds. I want to assess and talk to Jayme alone. I might need you to help get her to take the meds, but I'll call if I do."
Nathan walked into the bedroom and as soon as the door closed Jayme stood and flowed into his arms and just stood there while he held her. Finally he took her by the shoulders and moved her over and sat beside her on the bed. "Jayme. Kassia called me. But I want to hear from you if this is what you want..."
"Yes" was barely more then a whisper, and said, "I have to do this."
He tilted her face up, and looked into her eyes, and saw that they were clear but red from crying. "Will you consent to me checking you out first?"
"Yes." She said biting her lower lip.
He pulled the Tricorder over and scanned her and shook his head..."Jayme your blood pressure is high." He saw her nod, and he continued with the neural exam and found no deficits. "Jayme, I don't want you to do this. I could very easily tranq you so that it's doesn't happen, but that wouldn't be honest or fair." He squeezed her hand, and said, "Unless you take the meds I order, this whole thing is off and that's what I'll do to guarantee your safety. Do you understand?"
She nodded her head and looked into his eyes. "I understand and know this could put me back in sickbay, go ahead."
He laid out the meds and filled the hypospray with the first to lower her blood pressure (inpedrezine), and then the second to relax her (Ambazine). He administered both. While they waited for the meds to work he pulled her in and just sat there holding her. A few minutes later he re-scanned her and was happier with her numbers but gave another half dose of Inpedrezine. He walked around the bed and got the glass of water that sat there and one of the pain pills and handed it to her and watched as she took it without a battle.
A half hour later they walked hand in hand into the living room where Kassia had lit some candles and lowered the rooms lights.
Kassia looked at Jayme and smiled gently. "Are you ready for this?" she asked, only as a question leading up to what Jayme had wanted. As a final touch, she lit some incense.
Jayme and Nathan took seats on the couch still holding hands. Kassia took the chair across from Jayme's seat, refilled the tea cups...Nathan even had one now. Jayme took her cup and sipped it. She would have ran from the room had Nathan not been holding her other hand. She set the cup down.
For the next little while Jayme painstakingly told them the details of the Night before she left Europa for Earth. By the time she was done she was resting against Nathan's chest, crying, with his arms were protectively around her.
Finally the demon was out in the open. It wasn't hidden inside her friend any longer . . . Now maybe Jayme could start healing, Kassia thought. She wasn't keeping it buried within herself anymore, and that was a step in the right direction.
"You've taken the first serious step toward healing . . ."
Kassia gently squeezed Jayme's hand. "It's not hidden inside you anymore. Now we can deal with it . . ."
Jayme returned the squeeze. She sniffed back the tears but that only caused the pain in her head to double, attempting to stand she lost her balance and almost landed on a startled Nathan. Jayme tried again and this time made her feet and sent herself staggering from the room. The doors opened and she headed for the bathroom, and was sick. Nathan followed and took it as a really bad sign.
"Nathan, it's all right . . ." Kassia reassured him. "She's still healing and she is dealing with a very traumatic event. This isn't so abnormal and it's not a bad sign. It means the emotions are coming to the surface. It also means they can be dealt with . . . But I suspect her injury has a lot to do with this too, though . . . I think if she can get some rest, she'll feel better."
Nathan grabbed a cold wash cloth and handed it to Jayme who was so pale and the bruises under her eyes were so dark. "Kassia, hand me the tricorder." He had Jayme pressed against the wall. She was taking deep breaths. He ran a scan and said, "shit". Hand me the hypospray. Kassia didn't hesitate but handed it to him. She watched as he changed settings and injected Jayme. She watched and then heard Jayme say, "I can make it to the bed." He helped get her there and laid down.
He scanned her again...and heard Jayme beg, "Just make the headache go away...please." She'd rolled onto her side, with her arms up holding her head. He'd grabbed the hypospray that had been loaded with Terakine, from the living room, when he'd followed Jayme to the bathroom. He maxed out the setting and gave it to her in her upper arm--so that it didn't hit her all at once. His hand rubbed small circles in the middle of her back. Until the meds worked he was powerless.
"Let me help a little," Kassia replied as she approached the bed and her friend. Gently, she touched her friend's head with her hands and shut her eyes. She was concentrating, taking the pain into herself. She winced as she did so, but was able to tolerate it and drive it away . . . Long enough for the medication to start working. "That should work until the medication can do it's job," she said. She winced again for a moment. The pain wasn't completely gone, but she would have it gone from herself shortly. Jayme had suffered enough . . . "Time to sleep . . . Without the nightmares," she said, verbally and on a level that would register on Jayme's subconscious. "Let's focus on pleasant dreams . . . and pleasant futures . . ." She smiled.
Nathan watched both women, and was surprised when Jayme closed her eyes and looked relaxed. Kassia stayed where she was for several minutes and watched while he ran another bioscan...he administered another dose of the medication for her blood pressure and the tranq. He nodded and held out a hand for Kassia's. With his help she stood and he stopped long enough to position the comforter around Jayme. In the living room, Kassia sat and sipped her tea. "Nice technique...but what does it cost the user?"
He took a seat on the arm of the couch.
She was looking a bit drawn as she winced again. She hadn't been able to push all of the pain away. The pain from the injury was strong, and then doubled with the emotional pain . . . "There's some cost," she replied, taking a breath, leaning forward just a bit and trying to massage her head. "But it's worth it," she added as she winced yet again.
She was thinking she might have to get something for what was now her headache . . .
Nathan shook his head in wonder before standing and walking behind the woman before him. He didn't ask permission but scanned her for his own comfort...just a normal tension headache was all he could diagnose. "Are you as stubborn about taking something?"
She managed a soft laugh. "No, I'm not," she replied. "I was actually considering the idea."
He sat down and pulled Jayme's med kit out from under the table where he had stashed it, and rifled though and found something a little stronger then acetaminophen, but not on a par with what Alistair had sent Jayme home with. He handed her two tables, "Take those." He watched while she did, and said--"You tried that earlier while I was working, didn't you...that's why you didn't object to me medicating her." It was a statement and an observation.
Kassia nodded. "It's not an easy practice. It takes a lot of concentration and well . . . Sometimes it's tricker than at other times. Though I was able to help her out some earlier, I wasn't able to do enough for her," she explained.
"Well, its going to be a long night... I'm going to call Dr. Cherrin and see if he'll come over and watch her while I get a nap and a shower. When I said her pressure was high, I was serious... We'll monitor her hourly for the next twelve...if Alistair doesn't just override me and have her moved . . As for you, go home and take a hot shower, eat, and go to bed early. Doctors orders."
Kassia smirked. "I suppose I can let Tarik take on the parental duties for the evening . . ." Not that he wouldn't. Several nights a week they would switch roles when they could just for the diversity. Tonight Tarik would help Tiyanna with her homework, getting her bathed and intobed . . . As for herself, she was going to have to practice honing her own abilities. She knew she should be able to do more than this without getting the headache . . . But that was a subject for another time. "Please let me know if Jayme should end up moved..."
"I will." He watched as she stood and moved for the door. "Good night counselor." He said as he disappeared back into Jayme's bedroom.
"Goodnight," she whispered more or less to herself, just to feel the completion of it. With a gentle smile and one more wince, she headed out of Jayme's quarters and to her own.
The next morning Nathan had woken Jayme and made her drink some juice and tea before medicating her for her blood pressure and putting her back to sleep. She'd admitted that her headache; while it wasn't gone, it was much better.
He sat at the table which was loaded with bagels, cream cheese and a fruit plate. He sat and ate his bagel and cream cheese and some fruit, waiting for the buzzer on the door sounded. In the hallway, Kassia, Tarik, Dr. Cherrin, and Jayme's father who had no idea of what had occurred the evening before, arrived at the same time. Nathan invited everyone in and provided bagels for the group and gave them the update. Nathan took Marcus to the side and told him what had gone on.
Kassia saw the stress and lack of sleep in Nathan's face and as soon as everyone had eaten she ordered, "Nathan, go get some sleep." And she pushed him towards 'their' bedroom.
"That's an order." Dr. Cherrin said taking a seat on the couch. "I'll play host and monitor Jayme for a while like last night the tricorder is still in the bedroom and linked to the desktop, right?"
"Yes, it is." He saw Alistair wink. Nathan said, "Goodnight." He was halfway through the door when he'd realized that everyone just naturally accepted they were a couple... "I guess we are."