Will woke up in the holodeck, not remembering why he was there, or how he'd gotten there. He was fully clothed, although he looked as though he'd dressed with one hand in the dark. What's going on? I don't remember drinking that much! he thought.
"Computer, time."
<The time is 00:22 hours.>
"At least I haven't overslept," Will muttered to himself. "How long have I been in here?"
<Twelve hours, seventeen minutes, forty-three seconds.>
What was I doing yesterday at 1200 hours? Will thought as he left the holodeck. He didn't remember drinking anything; he did remember hearing reports of strange goings-on aboard Starbase 901. Something about people behaving strangely...Oh, my God!
Will sprinted to Sickbay and activated the EMH.
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency--good morning, Doctor Hancock! Will you be requiring my assistance today?"
"Do a full scan on me, please. Report all anomalies since my last official physical."
The EMH picked up a medical tricorder and scanned Will. "Your blood pressure is a bit higher but nothing to be concerned about. You have gained two kilograms and there is a small wart growing on your--"
"Have I encountered any foreign microorganisms unaccounted for in mission logs?" Will asked, trying to cut to the chase.
The EMH adjusted its readings. "That's curious. There's a retrovirus operating in your system that's entirely unknown to the Federation medical database."
"Is it the same one Mr. Wang is working with now?"
The EMH nodded. "You should probably consult with Mr. Wang regarding an--"
But Will was out the door before the hologram could finish its sentence.
Karissa sat in her quarters trying to get a hold of herself. She was thankful that Ciara had the twins as she sat on the couch staring out the porthole into the docking bay, holding herself and rocking back and forth. It wasn't suppose to happen again, she thought as tears misted her eyes. She was trying to get a hold of herself, but old memories were coming to the surface. The whole scene on the holodeck had hit too close to home . . . The past . . . And the pain she had caused. Oh god, what had she done . . . She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to get a hold of herself. Virus or not, she still felt responsible. It was the past repeating . . . She felt her stomach flip-flop as she thought about it.
The door chimed. "Enter," Karissa said, not really caring who or what showed up at the moment.
Will stood, framed by the entryway. "I need to know, Karissa. What happened?" he asked, rather bluntly.
"Close the door, please," Karissa told him quietly. Will could see that she was on the verge of tears.
"I'm sorry I was so abrupt. But I need to know, because right now I'm confused and afraid and I have absolutely no idea how to proceed from this point forward," Will told her.
"I . . . I'm not sure what happened," Karissa began, hugging herself tighter. The tears glittering in her brown eyes didn't fall, but were prominent. "I felt like I was going into heat last night while I was on the station," she said as she tried to put her thought together. "I remember that I felt the safest place for me would be the holodeck. When I was there I told Ming what was going on . . . I didn't know you had followed me . . ." A tear finally escaped and trickled down her cheek.
"There's a virus going around. A retrovirus. It's what's causing everyone to go nuts. Ming's working on an antidote now, and I'm going to aid him just as soon as we get this straightened out. But first I want to know, just for me--was it all just the virus?" Will asked, still not sure if the effects of the virus had worn off completely.
The only other time he'd been with Karissa it was pure, unmitigated lust. He was attracted to her, and that was it. Now, there was more going on. He'd known her for more than a year, and she'd borne his daughter. He was attracted to her, but he could put his finger on specific reasons why. Will had stayed his distance out of respect for her grief, but the infection had put him over the edge.
Will had been monitoring her usage of the holodeck out of concern that she'd retreated into a fantasy world, leaving the real one behind. Under ordinary circumstances, he'd never have interrupted her. Voyeurism was one vice he'd considered himself well past, but yesterday had been different...
She tried to contain a sob as she turned away from him and tried wiping at the tears that fell to stain her cheeks. "I don't know . . ." Karissa replied. "Everything is so confusing . . . I was just there to make sure I didn't get myself into trouble and yet . . . I made the past happen again . . I don't . . . I couldn't . . . I . . ." She just shook her head and buried her face in her hands. The words wouldn't come as all the old guilt came back to her. Knowing she had caused so much pain and now she was causing more.
"It was as much my own fault as yours," Will said. "Had I been minding my own business, it wouldn't have happened. I'd have stayed and helped Ming with the antivirus, or maybe found someone else at least. But it's happened, and we can't change it. I've had my suspicions about what you've been doing in there, you know."
She turned to look at him again, the emotional upheavals apparent in her face. "You have?" she asked, but then nodded. "Of course, now you know . . " Her eyes fell to the floor.
"It's not unheard of," Ryan said. "Thousands of people every year use the holodeck to get back someone they've lost--a lover, a spouse, a child. Sometimes holodeck replacement therapy can be helpful, but only to a point. You have to re-enter reality at some point."
The thought of ending her time on the holodeck with Ryan was not somethingshe could think about right now and shook her head. New tears sprang to her eyes. "I can't. I'm not ready to . . ." she said quietly.
"I understand," Will said. "But you need to get real help. And more than that, I don't want to lose you," he said, almost regretting the words as they came out of his mouth.
Tears came to her eyes again as he met his gaze. "I know how much you care and . . . I am so sorry for hurting you, the first time and this time . . . I am so sorry . . ." She began to sob softly. It were as if she were simply spiraling downward with no floor beneath to stop her. "It was all my fault . ." she cried softly hiding her face in her hands. "My fault . ."
Will took her in his arms. To hell with professional detachment! he thought. "Mine too. If I'd minded my own business this whole incident would never have happened."
"I just feel like its happened all over again . . ." she sobbed. "That I should have stopped it . . . That I . . . should have done something different . . . I don't know . . . I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore . . and I don't want to feel like this anymore . . ." Old memories and new memories were colliding with one another along with all the old and new emotions. It felt as if she was going through a meltdown from within and she couldn't stop it.
"Karissa, listen to me--this is not your fault!" Will said forcefully. "You at least had the sense to take precautions. That puts you a lot farther ahead than most people. If I'd stayed out of your way--and I could have--it wouldn't have happened. But you're not responsible for this virus, and you're not responsible for anyone's feelings other than your own. Once this dies down, I want you to get counseling for yourself. That's an order from your doctor. And I want us to talk about things. As friends."
She tried to settled herself down, but she couldn't seem to stop the tears. "We'll talk . . . We need to talk . . . But, Will . . . as my physician, do you think you could prescribe a mild tranq? I . . . I can't stop the tears," she said, still trying to get a hold of herself, but completely unable to. "Perhaps I should sleep this off . . . I don't know . . . I can hardly think at the moment."
Will stepped over to the replicator and programmed in the scrip. "You'll get a dose prepared automatically every six hours--and only at those times. As long as this thing is out there Ming's keeping the kids, so you don't need to worry about that. Just get some rest. We'll get this sorted out," he said with a smile.
He handed her the medication and she took it. As she looked up at him. "Thank you . . ." she said, tears still streaking her face. She reached up to caress his face, but stopped himself feeling it was an inappropriate gesture on her part after all that had happened and a sob escaped her again as she looked away. "I'm sorry . . ."
"Don't be," Will told her. "We'll get through this. Together." With that, he took her hand in his and embraced her.
She derived some comfort from him, but could not sense his feelings. Hers overrode everything. As minutes passed, she finally began to relax and the tears began to slow. She looked into his face as he wipes some of her tears away. "Thanks for the tranq. It's helping," she said. She could feel her whole body begin to relax.
"Get some sleep. I'll check on you in a few hours," Will said as he helped her to lay down on the sofa.
She nodded. "All right," she said. "Just come in. Don't worry about ringing the bell . . ."
Will stayed just long enough to watch Karissa drift into sleep. Then, securing the door behind him, he left to do what he could to help develop a cure for the virus. Hopefully Ming had made some progress and they'd have something soon.
Developing a cure for wounded feelings he suspected would take a great deal more time and effort.