It had only been four hours since Kassia had reopened her shop, but people had already been streaming in. However, she was taking a break from the psychic readings under doctor's orders. As Danni minded the front of the store, Kassia decided to utilize the time with meditation. She had missed so much of her daily meditation that her gifts were starting to control her rather than the other way around. At night, she was dreaming about the lives of the people onboard the ship. During the day, she heard stray thoughts constantly. Sometimes she felt as if she were losing herself to it. That somehow her mind was erasing her identity and replacing it with everyone else. But Troy had managed to help her through it so far. Until this morning . . . After the accident on the transport and the seriousness of her injury, coupled with the fact that the doctor hadn't really known how to treat her because she was truly an unknown species, Troy decided that it was time they try to find some answers about her background. Last night, he had stayed up late, doing research and had found some remarks about a species in the Briar Patch that was reclusive. No one was sure where they were from, but there were people around the Briar Patch that had met them. After speaking to a few people, Troy had taken their shuttle and left that morning to go meet one of them . . . a Mr. Fentoro, who was sure he could help. She couldn't shake the uneasy feeling she got as he left, but no disastrous images came to mind. Maybe she was just afraid of what he would find out, she pondered.
As she sat on the rug in the back with candles and incense burning around her, she breathed in deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. As she did this, she tried to clear her mind. She attempted to relax, but still, she couldn't push the voices away. Images of other lives came to her mind and though she tried to push them away, they would come crashing back. With frustration, she opened her eyes and slammed her fists onto the deck. What was wrong with her, she kept asking herself over and over again?
Suddenly, the door opened and Danni poked her head in. Kassia immediately picked up the concern on her face and in her being.
"Sorry to interrupt," she said. "I know you were meditating . . ."
"Trying to meditate," Kassia replied with a frustrated sigh. "You didn't interrupt anything. I haven't been very successful yet."
"Well . . . Captain Wallace . . . he's here to see you . . . " Danni said. "He says its important . . ."
The hairs on the back of Kassia's neck stood on end. This wasn't a social call and that had her concerned. Swiftly she got to her feet and brushed her hands off.
"Go ahead and send him back, Danni. I'll talk to him here."
With a soft nod and smile, the girl disappeared out the door. Within moments, Wallace walked in. Kassia tried greeting him with a smile, but a sick feeling filled her stomach.
"Hello, Kassia," he said.
"Hi, Captain, what brings you here today?" she asked, trying to keep a hold of herself.
"I have some news for you . . . maybe you'd better sit down for it," he replied.
Her mind couldn't help it as she probed his for answers. Tears stung her eyes as she grabbed the back of a chair and lowered herself down. It was about Troy. Her breath became fast and shallow. He could see that she already knew, but continued.
"I'm sorry . . . your brother's shuttle was hit by an ion storm. We lost his ship's signature and have only found a few pieces of wreckage from it . . . Kassia, we have listed him as missing . . . but presumed dead . . ."
With that, the flood gates opened, and the tears fell freely as unbridled pain coursed through her.
"NO! NO!! NO!!!" she cried, "He can't be gone . . . NO! Its not possible! I would have known it . . . I . . . I would have been able to save him!" She hid her face with her hands unable to control her sobs. The only person who had always been there for her, the only person she ever truly considered family was gone . . . How was that possible, she thought . . . and how could she have not known? "This can't be happening," she continued to cry.
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and as she opened her eyes, she found Captain Wallace kneeling before her. He took her hands in his. "Kassia, I wish there was something I could do to easy your pain. But after all the times I have had to give news like this, I know there are no words that can comfort. But if there is anything I can do . . . just let me know . . ."
She nodded, and was grateful for his offer, but the pain in her heart was too overwhelming. The tears wouldn't stop. Slowly standing back up, he withdrew his hands and began to walk away. He stopped long enough to squeeze her shoulder, letting her know that he was there and that he understood. With one final look at her, he left the room, letting Danni know to leave Kassia alone for awhile.
For hours, she had stayed in that back room. She just laid down on the deck, curled into a little ball and cried. She didn't eat, or drink, or sleep. All she had done was cry. After awhile, the tears had stopped, but only because her body had become dehydrated. There was nothing left to use for her tears. But the one thing she was sure of was that her heart was broken into a million pieces. Troy had always been her rock. The one that had protected her, the one who had always kept her mind and ideals in check. He had always been the one person she had always been able to turn to. He had always been there. And the one time that she could have saved him, she failed . . . her visions had failed to warn them . . . It was her fault . . . And what good was her gifts if they couldn't help her keep the people she loved and cared about alive? Who was going to be next? Tarik? Paul? Danni? Would she fail them too, she wondered.
Suddenly, she heard the door slid open and Danni poked her head in. Her dark eyes looked around the dim room for her employer and friend and found her slowly pushing herself to a sitting position from the floor.
"I just wanted to let you know that I closed up the shop and I was just about to head out..."
"All right," Kassia replied.
Danni took in Kassia's appearance and was hard pressed to contain a shudder. The woman was as white as snow, which made her dark spots look painted on her rather than natural. Her green eyes we dull and empty, surrounded by a ring of red from all the crying she had done. And there was just an absence of life that was usually always present.
"Would you like to come with me and grab something to eat? I was thinking about hitting that place called El Taco," she asked.
Kassia shook her head, not meeting Danni's eyes. "No, that's okay. Thanks though . . . I'm just not all that hungry," she said, and she wasn't. Though her stomach was empty, she was afraid that if she put anything in it, it would come right back up due to her distress. "I'm just going to go home and make myself some tea . . . maybe just go to sleep . . ." She was fighting the sobs again.
Danni nodded her head in understanding. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye . . ."
"Bye, Danni," she said.
The young girl paused long enough to look at Kassia. There was a finality in that statement she didn't like. But feeling she was probably just over reacting, she continued on her way out the door.
Once Kassia was alone, she stood up and grabbed onto the table as a wave of dizziness hit her. Slowly, she gathered her things and headed out the door and to her quarters. People she passed tried to engage her in conversations, but she walked by as if they weren't there. Nothing else mattered to her than getting home and hiding . . . maybe this was all some kind of bad dream, she hoped. But she knew better.
Once inside her quarters, she did manage to drink some cool water, but she had to keep her eyes shut. All around here were reminders of Troy. Every photo, every knickknack . . . They had picked out everything together . . . He was her brother . . . had been from the moment she had been taken in by his parents . . . He had loved her and protected her from them. He had protected her from a lot of people and things . . . and now he was gone . . .
With her fluids replenished, the tears began to fall again. She couldn't live without him. She didn't want to. Without him, she had no family. She was alone. He was the only family she knew. The only family that mattered . . . and he was gone forever . . . Curled up on the couch in her personal hell, her eyes strayed to the far table. The phaser that Toren Len had let Troy use to protect her on the transport was just sitting there. Toren hadn't come to pick it up yet. Slowly, she got up and went to it. She carefully lifted it up in her hands and examined it. Then, a ceremonial dagger from a tribe on Galos V also got her attention. She had acquired it from a trader that had passed through a few weeks prior. It was elegant and sat gently on a bed of purple satin to accentuate the purple gemstones in the handle. Carefully, she lifted it up. The blade was sharp enough to cut through thick objects as easily as if it were slicing through butter and had been used for ritual sacrifices. Quickly, a set of actions filled her mind. She didn't care if they were coherent or not. But she was going to end this pain one way or another. She couldn't live like this . . . she didn't want to live like this . . . Not without her family . . . not without Troy . . . She ran to her room and grabbed a thick leather pouch. She placed the phaser and dagger inside the bag, wrapped up separately in thick bath towels. She then went to the replicator and replicated a bottle of the strongest drink she could think of. With that, she contacted Holo Pursuits and arranged a suite for the remainder of the night. They were happy to oblige her.
Opening the bottle of liquor, she took a long swig, letting it run down her throat. She felt the warmth spread through her as she put the bottle into the bag and headed out the door, sure of what her actions were going to be.
Tarik entered the restaurant, not quite sure what to expect. He'd spent extensive time on Earth, but had never managed to visit Scotland. Tarik, the son of poets, had read the great Scottish poets and authors--Burns, Milton, Sir Walter Scott--and saw much in the Scottish people that reminded him of his own. If Hamlet could be considered a Klingon play, then Macbeth could certainly be considered a Romulan epic, Tarik thought as his mind turned to Shakespeare's Scottish play. At one point he'd even been a candidate for the Montgomery Scott Prize in Engineering at the Academy.
MacDonnell's was among the first of the shops to reopen after the attack; even Tarik's escapades with the phaser cannon had not damaged its facade, although the statue of the yellow clown wearing a kilt and carrying a set of bagpipes could have used a round or two, he thought as he passed the garish decoration. The staff was a combination of chaos and efficiency; each member clad in a kilt and wearing a tam 'o shanter on his or her head. Tapestries of the same clown marching with bagpipes, waving Claymore swords and Lochaber axes, playing golf, and herding sheep hung around the restaurant, but none was quite as prominent as the one depicting a map of Scotland and St. Andrew's cross. From the back, Tarik could hear the complaints of an overwhelmed grill cook--"Th' grill's gettin' ready tae overload, sair! She canna take nae more!"
"Jes a wee bit more, lad! We ken do it!" the manager responded. "Good day, sair! Ken I take yer order?" he asked Tarik.
Tarik perused the menu for a moment. "I'll have the haggis, an order of seaweed pie, and a flagon of mead" he answered, looking away at a huge kettle of extra-thick porridge bubbling behind the counter.
"Aye, sair! Haggis an' seaweed pie fer th' gentleman! We'll bring out the mead fer ye. That'll be five credits fifty!"
A bit steep, but maybe the food makes up for the atmosphere, Tarik thought as he paid the bill. He then selected a seat near the window (underneath a banner portraying Loch Ness, complete with a serpent sticking its head up from the water) so that Kassia could spot him when she was able to join him. It's not like her to be late, he thought. Maybe business is picking up again.
Danni didn't know why, but instead of going home, she headed out into the commerce section. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong with Kassia and she had to do something . . . Kassia has literally looked like death warmed over and she just had this sick feeling that things were going to go from bad to worse if some kind of action wasn't taken. And the only thing she could think to do was to find Tarik and tell him what she had seen of her friend.
She knew that Kassia and Tarik usually got together for dinner several evening a week, and she knew approximately the places they frequented. And if not the places, she knew the area they would go together.
As she walked by restaurant after restaurant, she found many unfamiliar faces. Just as she was about to give up all together, she saw the funny statue out front of the Scottish Restaurant. She almost turned around thinking that he wouldn't be there, but something told her to look. Just as she got close enough to see in the window, she breathed a sigh of relief. There he was, sitting there, drinking and waiting . . . He must be waiting for Kassia, she thought. Without hesitation, she entered the place and went to Tarik's table.
"Hi, I don't know if you remember me, my name is Dandrane Languedoc . . . I work for Kassia . . . I need to talk to you about her . . ." she said, her heart pounding hard in her chest.
Tarik looked up from his meal. "Really? What's wrong?"
"I'm . . . not really sure . . . Captain Wallace talked with her earlier today and well . . . She didn't come out of that back room until after closing and . . . she looked terrible . . . I have never seen her like that before . . ." Danni explained. "But something was wrong . . . Something IS wrong . . . "
"What did the Captain have to say? Could that have affected her?" Tarik asked as he got up, alarmed.
"I don't know . . . I didn't hear what he told her . . . But . . . I just get this feeling that it was about her brother, Troy . . . I don't know why . . . Maybe her abilities are wearing off on me," she said forcing a smile, though she didn't feel like smiling at all.
If Wallace went out of his way to bring her news about Troy, it can't be good! Tarik thought. "Take me to her," he bade Danni.
"She said she was going back home . . ." Danni replied. "Wanted to fix some tea and sleep, she said . . ."
"Well, let's get to it!" Tarik said as he headed out the door, Danni in tow.
When they reached Kassia's quarters they announced their presence with the sensor, but there was no answer. They tried it again with the same results.
Tarik entered the code, and the door slid open.
The first thing the two noticed as they entered was that the place was dark, except for one light that gave just a hint of a glow. It was eerily quiet as they looked around.
"Kassia?" Danni called out. "Kassia, are you here?"
"Lights at full illumination," Tarik ordered the computer. The lights came up.
Still there was no answer.
"Well, she has been here. That's the bag she came into work with this morning," she said, point to a medium sized bag sitting on the couch.
"Is there anything missing?" Tarik asked.
Danni shook her head. "I wouldn't know . . . I haven't been in here very often . . ." she replied.
Tarik surveyed the area quickly, noting the position of every one of Kassia's belongings. Something was missing.
"Her dagger is gone," Tarik said. "She picked up a ceremonial dagger from Galos V a few weeks ago. That's missing. She had an old phaser here, too, and that's gone. And I smell liquor. Something is very definitely wrong!"
A sudden fear went into Danni's dark eyes. "What would she want with all of that?" she asked. She was afraid of what the answer was . . .
Tarik tapped his combadge. "Computer, locate station resident Kassia, authorization Tarik-mu-339." Then, to Danni--"Whatever it is, it's not good. Weapons and liquor never get along well!"
Danni took a sharp intake of breath. She had a sick feeling in her stomach.
<Station resident Kassia is at Holo Pursuits> the computer replied.
"Let's get moving--she's armed, intoxicated, and more than likely very disturbed right now," Tarik told Danni. He then tapped his combadge again. "Tarik to Captain Wallace--I'm at Kassia's quarters; she's not here, and things look a little suspicious. I'm told you last spoke with her. What's going on?"
Tarik listened to Wallace's explanation as he hurried to Holo Pursuits. <I've got Deveraux out in a runabout searching the area, but we haven't turned up anything yet. I'll let you know as soon as we find something. Contact Security if you need any help--don't try to be the hero!> Wallace replied, keeping in mind the incident at Soma a few days earlier.
"I don't think it's like that at all, sir. She's just very hurt right now. Have someone from Sickbay and one Security crewman meet me at Holo Pursuits, but keep it quiet!" Tarik said.
Kassia was sitting on a beach under two full moons. She could see everything almost as if it were daylight, and yet, she saw stars in the dark sky. As she took another sip of her liquor, she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the ocean lapping against the shore. Palm fronds gently swayed in the breeze creating a soft music to go with the ocean. The dagger was beside her on the sand with the phaser. Taking the dagger in her hand, she watched the sharp blade shine in the moonlight. This was the place. This was the time. Tears came to her eyes again, though now, she felt almost numb. The pain had overwhelmed her so much, that nothing was left of her . . . nothing but a hollowed-out shell . . . she had nothing to offer anyone, and least of all herself. If she couldn't even save her brother, then how could she save anyone else . . . She didn't want to . . . She wanted to die. Lifting her wrist, she placed the dagger against it. With one swift cut, she drew blood. As she watched the red liquid spill down her arm to the almost white sand beneath her, she was detached, as if watching a movie of someone else doing this thing. It didn't even really hurt, she realized . . . Putting the dagger down, she grabbed the bottle of liquor and took yet another sip. How long would it take for her to bleed to death, she wondered. Though it didn't matter. If it took too long, she had the phaser . . . Either way, it ended and it ended tonight.
Suddenly, the holo suite door opened and she grabbed the phaser, placing it against her temple.
Tarik entered and saw the blood pooling on the sand. "Kassia! Don't do it!" he yelled, seeing her brandish the phaser.
"Tarik . . . Just go . . ." she cried, the tears falling down her cheeks. "Don't watch . . . I'm not worth it . . . Just go . . please . . ." She held the phaser against her temple, ready to pull the trigger.
"Dammit, you are worth it--to me!" Tarik replied. "There is more to life than pain!"
"How can I be worth anything?" she asked, partially in pain, partially in anger. "I couldn't even save Troy . . . I . . . am . . . worthless . . . These gifts are worthless . . . And how can I go on, knowing that? Knowing I have no family . . . because I killed him . . ."
"Kassia--you mean a lot to us! Right now the Captain has a vessel out looking for Troy as we speak! If he didn't think there was a chance Troy could have survived he wouldn't have done that! And Paul's leading the search. Danni was worried about you; that's why she came to me. No gift is worthless, Kassia. We all make a contribution!" Tarik said.
"But I killed Troy . . ."
"We don't know that. Even if he is dead, you didn't kill Troy--an ion storm killed him. He could have just as easily been killed at the bar. It's not your fault, whatever the outcome!"
"He wouldn't have been out in that shuttle if it hadn't been for me . . . And Me . . . I should have known that was going to happen . . . I should have . . ."
She starting sobbing again and started to curl up in a fetal position, but pulled out of it, still clutching the phaser.
"No you shouldn't have...any more than I should have known that my parents were going to be killed while I was away at the Academy. I've had a death wish ever since--but you showed me a different way to live, and I'm a better man for it! Don't betray that which you've restored to me!"
For a moment, the tears seemed to stop, and their eyes met . . .
"Hand me the phaser, love. You've got it set wrong anyway--it's in a feedback cycle. Pull that trigger and you'll take out half the holosuite and a lot of decent people who have nothing to do with this. You don't want that, do you?"
"Tarik . . . I . . . I . . . " But she never finished the words. Suddenly, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, as she collapsed backwards onto the sand, convulsing.
"Where's that man from Sickbay?" Tarik snapped as he picked up the phaser. There was no feedback loop; that was a calculated bluff on Tarik's part. Come on, baby, hang on! Help is on the way! he thought as he gently caressed Kassia's face, which was already turning death white.
The medic rushed in, scanning Kassia with a tricorder. "She's had an aneurysm bad one, too!" he said. "Jenkins to Sickbay--emergency transport and prep for surgery!"