Troy hasn't slept at all as he got up from his bed. It was 0530 hours and he was determined to catch Tarik before his shift . . . Only Troy wasn't sure just when that was . . . So he figured the sooner he got there the better.
In minutes he was dressed in casual attire and ran a brush through his hair. Though his face looked worn from the lack of sleep, he looked decent enough.
Quietly, he crept from his room. He stopped at Kassia's bedroom door and looked in on her. She was still sound asleep, though it seemed she was still having troubling dreams as she moved under the covers restlessly. But it wasn't nearly what he had seen in her last night, so with only a bit of hesitation he continued out into the main part of the quarters and then headed out the door.
As Troy walked toward Tarik's quarters, he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He was a little nervous about just showing up, but he didn't feel like he had much of a choice if he wanted answers. And when it came to Kassia, there was no limit to what he would do . . .
He stopped in front of Tarik's quarters and took a deep breath, then initiated the sensor.
Tarik was just sitting down to breakfast when the door chimed.
"Enter," he said over a mouthful of scrambled eggs.
Troy walked into the room hesitantly, looking extremely haggard and upset. "Troy?" Tarik asked. "What's going on?"
"Actually, I came here to ask you that very question . . ." he replied. Though it was said in a normal tone of voice, the worry in Troy's dark eyes was evident.
Tarik had a feeling he knew what was going to come next. "Listen, if you're talking about Kassia, I had nothing to do with any of that."
"Any of what? The fact that my sister goes out with Captain Wallace for some kind of joy cruise and comes back a Starfleet officer?" he replied, his upset beginning to show. But he quickly reigned it in. "But it's more than that . . . Something happened to her while she was out there . . . "
"Captain Wallace asked Kassia to accompany us in an advisory capacity," Tarik said calmly and evenly. "The fact that she was offered a commission came as a surprise to me--I was the last person on the ship to find out! She made the decision to accept her commission on her own." Tarik took a deep breath. "Now, have a seat, Troy. You'll need it," he said seriously.
Troy didn't like the sound of that, as he slowly took a seat and looked at Tarik intensely. "What happened out there . . .?" he asked. "Last night, Kassia was not the same person she left as . . . And . . . she flinched when I went to touch her face . . ." He shook his head and looked down at the table for a moment. "I just want to know why . . ."
"You if anyone has a right to know," Tarik replied. "Kassia's first act as an officer was to accompany another, more senior officer on an unauthorized away mission with no advance planning. They were captured by the Son'a and they were both interrogated rather brutally. I found her and rescued her before the Son'a interrogator could do more serious harm than he had. The officer who led that mission was placed in the brig for his irresponsibility; his future in Starfleet is very much in question at this point. Physically, your sister recovered very quickly. Unfortunately, she's going to have to deal with this for a while mentally and emotionally."
Troy was visibly shaken, and his hand went to cover his mouth as he took all the information in. "And she still wants to be part of Starfleet?!" he asked incredulously. A mixture of anger and pain was evident in his eyes. "This is not what my sister should be doing! She was beaten and for what?"
The nightmare, the knife . . . The upset over their argument . . . Her flinching from him as he went to touch her face. . . It all made sense now . . . And she had gone through all that pain for what purpose, he asked himself? She should be in her shop where she was safe . . . Where she could help people without placing herself in direct danger . . .
"Kassia felt it was the best decision for her, Troy," Tarik answered. "What happened was absolutely senseless. It should never have happened; the officer that took her on the mission should have known better. The only good thing about it was that her actions, while a prisoner, may have saved the lives of many others. I asked her afterward whether or not she wanted to remain in Starfleet, and made it clear to her that, after what she'd been through, it would be no disgrace to resign. Not only did she not resign, she's more determined than ever." Tarik leaned in toward Troy a bit. "One thing you're going to have to learn, if you haven't figured it out already, is that your sister is a grown woman and can make her own choices in life. Granted, she may not have made some wise choices in the past--and I know exactly what's gone on in her past now--but how many of us can claim to have made consistently perfect choices? Would we be the same people if we had? All that aside, whatever
Kassia wants to do with her life is her decision alone."
Troy took a deep breath in. "But with everything else she's gone through in her life . . . she doesn't need this . . ." he replied quietly. "It just kills me that she was hurt and I wasn't there to help her . . . She wouldn't even tell me what happened . . . That's why I came to you . . ." A certain sadness crept over Kassia's brother, as his eyes hit the table again. "She's never kept things from me before either . . . Never . . ."
"Kassia still doesn't know what's discloseable and what's not, so she's being especially cautious. That, and the fact that what happened very deeply traumatized her," Tarik said, understanding what Troy was going through. "I have a telepathic link with your sister; I experienced a lot of what she felt firsthand. About the best that could be said was that she wasn't...violated." Tarik flushed a bit as he said this--not out of embarrassment but out of anger. "She wasn't held very long, and she managed to give back as good as she got by using her powers to create havoc behind the Son'a lines. You can be proud of your sister for that--there are fully-trained Starfleet officers who piss their pants and freeze up under those circumstances. But she showed more strength, more courage, and more grace than I think either of us expected she would be able to summon. Kassia was beaten rather badly, mainly repeated blows to the face. The worst of it came afterward, when she tried to process it for herself. She's still going through that, but she's much better off than she was just after I rescued her."
He nodded, but wouldn't meet Tarik's gaze. He just kept staring at the table top. "And who was the Officer responsible?" he asked, his voice quiet, still processing his pain and anger at the situation.
Tarik thought for a moment. Hell, it's going to come out sooner or later anyway! "It was Lieutenant Paul Deveraux."
A sarcastic gasp of disbelief escape him. "Paul?" he echoed, shaking his head and staring up at the overhead for a minute. "Great . . . The man who saves my life practically ends my little sister's . . . Do I give him a medal or kill him?" Troy was only half joking. He didn't know what to think anymore . . .
"Considering that as commander of the landing party he got it even worse from the Son'a; Captain Wallace, Lieutenant Anderson, and I all tore him several new and interesting openings; and he spent ten days in the brig, I think he's learned his lesson about being irresponsible," Tarik replied. "Paul's my friend--he's one of only two men I feel I could call a brother--but he's got more than a few lessons to learn about not being headstrong and impulsive. But don't take it out on him, Troy. He's been doing a pretty good job on himself. Your sister bears him no ill will. Kassia and I both visited him in the brig. I've never seen a man lower. Kassia talked to him in his misery and tried making him see that if he would think his decisions through, he would be on the right path. She's a natural at counseling, Troy, far better than many of the clowns the Academy has been putting out recently. I would--and have-- trusted my psyche in her hands. And this is what she wants to do with her life!
You've talked a lot about how much she's suffered, and how much she's lost in her life. She trusts you implicitly, Troy. Don't take this away from her, or you'll be taking away more than you think."
Troy sighed with resignation. He knew there was no changing her mind. Kassia, when she had made decisions without him in the past, had always stuck to her guns . . . Even if he wanted to, he couldn't change her mind . . . All he would succeed in doing is pushing her away from him. And Paul . . . He didn't know what to think or feel about that. If Kassia still trusted him, then who was he to do anything . . . For a moment, he imagined the physical blows she received and closed his eyes against the vision.
"I'm a smart enough man to know that there is no changing her mind once its made up," he said. "But how will I know she'll be safe when she leaves again on another Away Mission? I know its not my choice to make for her, but I worry . . . I have been her only protector since she came to live in my home . . . Until we came here, that is. . . I feel like who I am is somehow being turned upside down . . . That my relationship with Kassia has been somehow divided . . ." He tried to explain. "Maybe you don't understand . . . Kassia might not be my sister by blood, but she is my sister . . . It worries me to think that this job could cause her to lose her life . . . And I can't be there to protect her . . ."
"Actually, a few days later Kassia went on another away mission with Lieutenant Commander Carter--who followed procedure to the letter. She not only performed very well on that mission, she actually enjoyed herself!" Tarik answered. "I promised you a while back that I would make sure she learns how to protect herself. And I've been ordered by Wallace to do so after what happened. She'll be able to handle herself quite well before long. But think about this: suppose someday you wanted to settle down and have a wife and a family. Do you think they would appreciate you running off to Kassia's rescue all the time? You've got to let go a little, Troy--for her sake and your own. That doesn't mean you love her less. It means you love her more by letting her find her own life, and ending her worries about you finding yours."
Troy raised a ridged-brow. "She's been worried about me?" he asked with surprise.
"Kassia worries about everyone close to her. You of all people ought to know that by now! She was worried about Toren Len developing an attraction for her. She worries about me every time I do something more involved than paperwork. She was more concerned about Paul than herself when we pulled her off B'aku. And she worries about you, whether or not you'll find what will make you happy. Family is important, but you've got to develop your own life, too. Otherwise you're no good to anyone. Besides," Tarik replied. "In most races women live longer than men anyway. Who's going to protect frail old Kassia after you're dead and gone? You can't do the job forever!"
He took in Tarik's words. He was right. Kassia did worry about everyone around her. It was a big part of who she was . . . He just hadn't realized that she had been worried about him . . . about not finding happiness . . . He'd never imagined a time without Kassia, and maybe that was part of the problem, he realized . . . Maybe Tarik was right about a lot of things. . . Suppose something happened to him, like something could have with that ion storm . . . Who would watch over Kassia then . . .? Maybe it was time to let go a bit . . .
"Just promise me one thing, Tarik . . . Make sure you show her how to gut anyone that so much as lays a hand on her. If I can't do it, she sure as hell should . . ."
"You have my word on it, my friend," Tarik replied. "Now, have a seat and help yourself to breakfast. I rise early anyway; I don't have to be in for another hour. You look like you could use some chow!"
Kassia sat at the dinner table staring down at a vegetable omelet and home fries. She had eaten some of it, but she was finding it hard to eat much at all. She was still upset over her discussion last night with Troy. The last thing she had wanted to do was hurt him, and it was killing her inside. She wanted to tell him what had happened, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew how he'd feel and she didn't want to put him through that . . . But the upset of not knowing, for him, was almost just as bad. With a troubled sigh, she took a sip of her cranberry juice. What was she going to do?
Suddenly, she heard the door slide open. She didn't turn and look. She knew it was Troy. She couldn't sense his emotions clearly. They were all jumbled together making a mass of feelings she couldn't navigate through. She was worried. He approached her.
Instantly, she felt his arms go around her in a tender embrace. His cheek stopping against hers. She could feel every emotion in him as it slowly unraveled. He had gone to talk with Tarik . . . He knew . . . He knew it all . . . and . . . he was going to accept things . . . He was going to accept her decision . . .
"Kass . . . I love you, and I want you to know that whatever you decide to do with your life is completely up to you . . . I'll back you all the way . . ." he said. "And if you ever need to talk, know that I'm here to listen . . ."
Tears glistened in her eyes as she leaned back against him. "You know everything?" she asked.
"I know everything, Kass . . . I know about Paul, and the Son'a . . . I know what happened to you . . . I also know that you turned around and went right back out on another Away Mission . . . I never gave you credit for being so resilient . . . I'm sorry about that . . ."
As she turned to him, she smiled, her green eyes bright with the unshed tears. "Thank you," she said, and returned his embrace. "Your belief in me means more than anything else right now . . . I love you too . . ."