As Kassia entered her quarters, she noticed the lights were dim . . . Troy was laying on the couch, an arm covering his face. She saw two sticks of incense burning on the coffee table . . . She recognized the fragrance - Peace . . . Appropriate, she thought. She also saw an empty cup next to the incense burner. He had manufactured some anti-intoxicant.
She could feel his emotions . . . He was miserable . . . Not only was he still upset over what happened to her, but now he felt as if he has failed her in some way. She sighed, and walked to the couch. She gently touched his arm and he moved it away from his face. His eyes looked into hers, everything reflected in their dark depth.
"Ready to talk?" she asked gently.
Slowly, he sat himself up, making room for Kassia on the couch beside him. She took the seat he made and continued gazing at him with her green eyes.
"We should have talked about this much sooner than now . . ." Kassia began. "I'm sorry about that . . . Please . . . Just tell me what you feel . . . I know that you are trying to support me and I do appreciate that . . . But obviously there is something you still haven't come to terms with . . ."
He shook his head as he looked at the floor, not daring to meet her concerned stare. She would see too much in his eyes . . . Not that she didn't sense it already from him . . .
"I'm sorry about Paul, " he began quietly. "I shouldn't have struck him . . . It was stupid . . . immature . . ."
"Yeah, it was . . . " she agreed, "So why did you do it?" She, of course, knew why, but she also knew he needed to express his feelings to her verbally.
He was quiet for a moment. "Because I was angry, Kass . . ." he replied. "I was angry with him for getting you hurt . . . Honestly, I was just going to leave . . . My intention wasn't to fight with him . . . But he wouldn't let me go . . ." he tried to explain. "And some of the things he said to me . . . I . . . I just lost control . . ."
She nodded and gently took his hand in hers. As she did, she saw the whole incident as if it had happened to her, with all its intensity. She heard Paul's words and felt Troy's emotions as well as saw his thoughts as it happened.
"But what's going on here is more than just Paul, isn't it?" she asked.
Troy looked into her delicate, spot-framed face, before turning away again. "Yeah . . . It is . . ." he answered.
She gently urged him on with a tender squeeze of his hand.
"Kassia . . . knowing what happened to you . . . It shouldn't have happened . . . And everyone who had anything to do with you being out there is responsible . . That includes Starfleet . . . and Captain Wallace . . . Not just Paul . . . If it hadn't been Captain Wallace wanting you to be a Starfleet Officer you wouldn't have even been sent on an Away Mission . . . Paul wouldn't have had a chance to screw up . . . You wouldn't have been . . . interrogated . . ."
She felt the guilt, anger and sadness well up in him to intense levels and knew why. She took a deep breath in, let it out and held his hand tighter.
"Troy, you can't always be there to protect me . . ." she said.
"I know . . ." he replied. "I'm trying to let you go . . . But its difficult . . . It hurts me to see you in pain . . . "
She nodded and tears misted her eyes. She knew he was referring to her nightmares, and her flinching away. He knew it was a sudden fear reflex because of what she had been through. He didn't understand her desire to continue in her chosen path, because of it . . . He didn't understand the excitement it gave her to be learning new things . . . and he didn't understand how right it all felt . . . What happened had been terrible and was the stuff that haunted her dreams . . . However, she had lived through the experience . . . Because of it, she was determined to keep going . . . To learn everything she could . . .
"I wish there was a way I could make you feel what I feel . . . " she said with a soft sigh.
As she closed her eyes, her mind wandered over every memory from the moment Wallace had asked her to accompany him on the Arizona-A . . . How excited she'd been . . . And when he had asked her about taking the position, she had mulled the idea over and over again . . . Afraid of not having Troy there to help her with this major decision and then realizing that she needed to stand on her own two feet . . . That she had been relying on him too much . . . To the point of being unhealthy for the both of them . . . She had been at peace with her decision because somehow she felt this was what she was meant to do . . . And she'd never blamed Paul for what happened on the Away Mission . . . In fact, she had been concerned about him . . . He had been tortured worse than she . . . As images of the Son'a Commander striking her face flooded her mind, she heard Troy take a deep breath in as if in pain and shock . . . and it dawned on her . . . He was feeling everything she had! She lead her mind forward . . . toward all the support she had received after her rescue . . . and how she was determined to go on. She wouldn't have if it hadn't felt right. If it hadn't been something she had wanted so badly . . . And then, she went to the following Away
Mission with Carter and how she had been so excited about learning everything . . . Overcoming her fears . . . And how she picked up things so quick . . . She was honored to be a part of Starfleet . . . even as only a brevet Ensign for the time being . . . Then there was Tarik . . . She loved him . . . Memories of her time with him played across her mind . . .
Before she broke the connection, she allowed all the love she felt for Troy to course through her. Memories of all their fun times together appeared as clear as if they had just happened . . . And she allowed her concern and worry for him and his life permeate. She wanted him to find love and joy and he couldn't as long as he was playing her protector . . . Finally, she opened her eyes and gently took her hand from his, gently laying it in her lap. She watched as his eyes slowly opened, the intense emotions reflecting in their darkness.
"I never understood how you felt about this before . . . I could see it and feel it, Kass . . . How did you do that?" He asked, stunned.
"It must be another form of my telepathy . . ." she replied, with the same question on her mind.
Immediately he embraced her. "I won't stand in your way . . . and now . . . I understand you . . . I understand how you feel . . . If Starfleet really is where you feel you belong, I'll find a way to back you . . . I can't guarantee that my anger is gone forever, but at least I know now what really happened out there . . . And making your own decisions is something you need to do . . . and . . . I need to accept that . . . One of these days you won't need me . . ."
"I'll always need you, Troy . . . " she replied, not letting him go. "You're my brother . . .And I'll always need your love . . ."
"How's the headache?" Tarik asked as Paul woke up from a drunken stupor. Tarik had managed to get Paul back to his quarters.
"Wha--oh! Zis you," Paul slurred.
"Yes, it's me. Here, take this," Tarik said, handing Paul a tablet and a glass of water. "It's a sober pill. I keep a few on hand at all times. You never know when they'll come in handy!"
Paul stared at the pill, then took it and the water. Within five minutes he was almost completely lucid.
"Ah! Zis much better. Merci, mon amis!"
"Now, do you mind telling me what this was about?" Tarik asked. "You've shown yourself to be an irresponsible lout before, but not as spectacularly as this evening!"
"Now you're going to chew my ass too--" Paul started.
"Don't give me that 'poor, persecuted Paul' crap!" Tarik cut him off. "You've had more second chances than anyone else I've ever met. You got yourself into trouble, it's your own damn fault! What did you say to Troy, anyway."
Paul told him everything, with some embarrassment as he remembered his joking around. "And now you zink zhat you can come charging to ze rescue again? Zaving me from myzelf?" Paul said sarcastically.
"No; I'm beginning to wonder if you're even worth the trouble. Let me tell you something, Paul: if you were just about any other man, I would have let Troy take you apart--and he is very capable of it, too! Where the hell do you get off saying some of the things you said to him?" Tarik snapped.
"I--I was jest joking--I thought noting of it," Paul stammered.
"That's right, Paul--you didn't think! That's your biggest problem! You say or do whatever you want, regardless of how it affects others! Troy had every right to be upset with you, and you should have known that!"
"Zo eet's all my fault now?" Paul asked. "In case you don't recall, you yourself said zhat you might not have picked up ze Son'a on B'aku! Zo why am I to blame?"
"That's why I went down there with an entire Marine platoon, not an untrained brevet ship's counselor! Paul, I was lying to cover your ass! The Son'a were there--we picked them up five kilometers away! If we'd known you were in the area we would have warned you. And had you followed procedure you would have known it, too, and gotten out of there. Or better yet, if you'd waited for the mission briefing you might have picked a different spot for your survey! I was there because I was ordered to be there; finding you and Kassia was a very lucky coincidence. I wouldn't have gone in alone, either--not under those circumstances."
Paul was silent once more. "You lied to ze Captain for me???"
"Damn right I did. Had it been anyone else, I would have been there right alongside Wallace hanging that son of a bitch out to dry. But gods help me I like you, Paul, so I did something I've never done in my entire career up to that point. And not just because you saved my life--any corpsman there at Thermopylae could have done that. I took you there over the objections of
Dr. Cherrin because I saw the hunger in your eyes, and thought you could do the job. And you did. And deep down inside I see something in you I recognize in myself."
"Zhank you..."
"You're not off the hook yet, mister! You have a long way to go in the maturity department. Forget the high standards of Starfleet officers--most adults don't pull the crap you pull! So do yourself a favor, Paul, and grow up!"
Paul started up again. "If you zink zhat--"
"Don't even start it. Or I will finish it," Tarik said. Paul backed down.
"You want entirely too badly to be the conquering hero. It isn't worth it, believe me! I don't know all of what happened on the Discovery. I've had my own demons to fight, and I know what they can do to a man. I can only imagine what they're doing to you. Get some help, Paul, before you destroy not only your career but your soul. I say this to you as a friend, and as a brother."
That got Paul's attention. "But--but we are not--"
"You're as close to one as I'll ever have, my friend. I wouldn't have taken this kind of time and effort with just anyone. Don't envy anyone else their position in life. If you ever got it you might find it an uncomfortable fit."
Paul sighed. "Perhaps you are right."
"Think about it. In fact, try thinking a little more in general, particularly before you open your mouth. Because I guarantee you I'm not going to pull you out of the next one," Tarik answered. "My time is too precious to waste on someone who insists upon making an ass of himself--even if he is my brother!"
Tarik left Paul's quarters to find Kassia waiting outside. "I thought you'd still be with Troy," he said, surprised.
She shrugged her shoulders, as she looked down for a moment. "He's just having a difficult time accepting things . . . He's trying though . . . and he's made some progress . . ."
"At least he's trying. Paul, on the other hand, I worry about. You would think a grown man would show better judgment. If it weren't for the fact that he's exactly the same way sober, I'd chalk it up to his being drunk!"
Kassia sighed and shook her head. "Paul has a lot of potential . . . I've seen what he can accomplish if he would make the right choices . . . He will do it eventually . . ." she said, with certainty. "I mean, he'll always be Paul, but he'll mature in time . . . However, how much time is what is in question I suppose . . ."
"If he doesn't get himself killed first! You wouldn't believe how many people are ticked at him right now!" Tarik said, laughing "But I told him straight--he'd better learn to keep his mouth shut and think before acting or the next time he won't be so lucky. I'd thought things were settled with Troy until tonight, for that matter."
"That was my fault," she replied sadly. "I knew he was having a hard time with everything, but I didn't talk to him about it. I figured he would come to me if he needed too . . . Instead, he wasn't talking to me, because he was trying to be supportive . . . " She looked down at the ground, unable to meet Tarik's gaze. "So instead, he just bottled everything up . . . Even tonight, he was trying to leave the bar . . But Paul persisted in trying to keep him there . . . Troy just blew up . . ."
"No, it's not your fault," Tarik answered, drawing Kassia's face up to meet his. "Troy is a grown man; if something is bothering him, he needs to speak up. He does support you, Kassia. I think he just wants to see you happy and safe. Don't take so much of this upon yourself! Paul can be irritating even when he's sober, and the two of them should have talked this out under better circumstances--but not so soon. If there's anything I can do to help..."
"I don't know . . ." she replied. "I just didn't realize how upset and angry Troy was about everything . . . Did you know he is actually angry with Captain Wallace? This is going to take time . . ."
"Why would he be angry with the Captain? I told him that it was your decision to accept what was offered; that you weren't forced or coerced into anything. Wallace offered; you accepted--end of story. He's got to learn to let you live your own life!"
"He was upset with him for offering me the position to begin with . . ." she explained. "Placing me in harms way, so to say . . . It's that protective side of him . . . But I do understand him a little better now and he understands me a better also . . ." She sighed and smiled softly.
"'Harm's way?'" Tarik said, astonished. "Hon, forgive me for pointing this out, but we're on a space station in the middle of a war zone!!!! And he's the one who brought you here! If you want safe, try Earth or Risa!" he laughed.
She nodded gently. "I also discovered something new I can do . . ." she said
Tarik caught the look in her eye. "Really?" he said, smiling. "Do tell!"
"I can transfer memories and emotions to a person as well as retrieve them . . . " she explained. "It might be easier if I showed you . . ."
"Intriguing," Tarik said, inwardly excited about the possibilities. "Is there anything special you need to do?"
She shook her head, her green eyes dancing a bit with excitement. "Just give me your hand . . . It works better when I have a physical connection . . ."
Tarik took her had, holding it firmly but warmly.
Kassia closed her eyes and focused. Without effort, she brought forth Troy's emotions for his sister. The pain he felt over what had been done to her, the helplessness as he watched her toss and turn through nightmares . . . The rejection he felt when she would flinch from him . . . And the anger he felt toward those he held responsible for her injury and why . . . Still other memories and feeling came. At the bar, when Paul had insinuated that Troy felt attraction for Kassia . . . the rage that came . . . The memory of his father trying to rape her had come to mind . . . and the sting of his father's knife as it had pressed into his gut . . . But then, there was joy . . . Kassia's smile was always ready for him. She was always ready to help him and listen to him . . . The love he had for her was predominant against all the bad . . . It was what truly motivated him . . .
Kassia ended the link and let out a breath sharply. "I need to work on controlling it though . . ." she replied. "That was a little much . . ."
Tarik rocked back. "Whoa! I'll say so!!!" he said, both excited and overwhelmed. "How did you make this little discovery? It'll revolutionize counseling, you know!"
"While Troy and I were talking . . . I touched him . . . I . . . I wanted to know exactly how intensely he was feeling . . . I don't know what actually prompted me, but . . . That's what I got from him . . . Feelings upon feelings upon memories . . ." She explained. "I didn't know what was happening until my own mind wandered and he picked up on it . . ."
Tarik made the connection. "And what were you able to show him in return?"
Would you like to see?" She smiled.
"Of course!"
She took his hand again, and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she brought forth her memories. Her own mind was easier to control. Images of her excitement on being aboard the Arizona-A and Captain Wallace asking her for her decision. Her emotions turned over and over again, going through all the possibilities . . . But then a sense of just knowing the right path came over her. She was so proud as she wore her uniform and how she couldn't wait to get started learning . . . But her mind did wander to the B'aku world, and the Son'a Commander. The pain and fear were clear . . . and then the after affects . . . the nightmares and flashbacks . . . But there was a sense of determination. Images of her second Away Mission flooded her, where though she was apprehensive, she was thrilled with what she was learning. She was never more sure about a choice in her life . . .
Her mind wandered to her time with Tarik and love was overhwelmingly present. The way he touched her . . . kissed her . . . And then Troy . . . Worry was what she felt . . . She loved him . . . He was her only family . . . And she wanted him to be happy . . . to find happiness . . . To find love . . . and not always feel he had to watch over her . . .
With a smirk on her face, she let her mind wander to the nights she had shared with Tarik . . . and all the intensity of her desire and love passed to him. As she broke the connection, she grinned mischeviously. A devilish glint in her eyes. "Of course, that last part was just for you . . ."
"I should hope!" Tarik said, overwhelmed. "I was wondering if there was any way you could deliver a message to him for me."
"What message?" she asked.
Tarik took Kassia's hand and began to concentrate. He focused on the love and security his parents had shown him in life; their nurturing and encouraging him in his chosen path in life even if it was at variance with their own. He focused on the enjoyment and challenge he experienced while he was in the Academy, learning and exploring new topics even if they weren't directly related to what he planned on doing. He focused, too, on the many days and nights of terror and pain and misery that have been the warrior's lot in life since the very beginning, and on the frustration he'd felt for so many years at being passed over for prime assignments. At the end of that, Tarik decided to show Troy the joy and elation he'd felt when he arrived at SB901, knowing a tough job lay ahead of him, but also opportunities. Tarik spared all but the most intimate of details in his relationship with Kassia--how she'd taught him to laugh again, and to feel joy. And how much he, too, had been concerned for Kassia while she was being held captive by the Son'a. Finally, Tarik sent Troy an image which Tarik was intimately familiar with, hoping Troy would see its significance: a change-of-command ceremony. It was time for Troy to discover the next thing in his life now that he no longer needed to be Kassia's exclusive guardian. Tarik wanted to emphasize that Troy was not being rejected or dismissed, but rather that a new phase was beginning.
And at that, Tarik broke his link with Kassia. "I didn't think I could do it so well! I must have had help along the way," he said, winking at Kassia.
She smiled. "I'll make sure he gets this message . . ." she said. Gently she reached out to him and caressed his face.
Tarik returned the gesture, and put his arm around Kassia's shoulders. "I just hope he understands it and accepts it, for his own sake!"
"I think he will . . . " she said as their eyes met. "He wants to accept it . . . and maybe by sharing my emotions and you sharing yours, he'll get to that acceptance faster . . . "
"As I said before, if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I want to be a friend to him but sometimes I wonder if he trusts me."
She laughed. "Believe me, you he trusts! If he didn't, he would have never gone to you for answers . . . You might be about the only one he didn't place any blame on for what happened to me . . ."
Tarik breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good to know! I've been thinking that perhaps the three of us should get together sometime...I think that would be good for everyone!"
"That's a great idea! Perhaps to celebrate that promotion of yours!"
Tarik was shocked. "How did you know about that? That's not official for another week! I was going to surprise you!"
"Well . . . its a little hard to surprise a telepath . . . Remember, I was just in your mind . . . Things get through . . . I hope I didn't ruin anything . . ." she said, looking at him seriously.
"Okay, but next time keep in mind that I would like to have some surprises for you!" Tarik replied testily. "This is going to take some getting used to!"
She looked up at him through her dark lashed and smiled softly . . . almost with an innocence . . . "Is there any way I can make it up to you?" she asked.
"Actually, now that this has come up, I would like you to teach me some things, seeing as how I'm teaching you my stock in trade," Tarik said, a little less upset than he was a moment ago. "I want you to show me how to shield my thoughts. There are times when I think that might be useful."
She giggled. "Better yet, I can even teach you to shield only certain thoughts . . . Or you can simply shield them all . . . There are several different techniques you can use . . ."
"That would be appreciated. I'd hate to think of what might happen should I encounter a telepathic opponent!" Tarik replied. "And there are other reasons, as well..." he said slyly.
"You'd definitely not want to go up against a telepath without knowing something on how to shield your mind," she said seriously. She hadn't thought about that before . . .
"Fortunately most of the telepathic races the Federation has encountered have been peaceable," Tarik said, deliberately not trying to think about classified reports he'd seen on a Gamma Quadrant race that was both highly telepathic and extremely hostile. "Any help you could give me would be appreciated. Besides, I can think of a few poker games where I may have been robbed blind by a telepath!"
With that Kassia laughed. "I could see some smart telepath cheating! I'll show you tomorrow some things you can do . . . " She replied. "However, I did want to ask . . . When is my training schedule with you going to start?" She smirked.
"I wanted to make sure you were settled first," Tarik said seriously. "But that's not what's going through my mind right now," he said, suddenly smiling.
"Oh really . . . ?" she replied, as she gazed at him.
"Really," Tarik said, grinning as his arm slipped down to her waist and he drew her in closer.
"Ah . . ." she smiled brightly, "I believe I know what's on your mind, and I didn't even have to read it . . . " She giggled and caressed his face.
Tarik responded by giving her a kiss--not a deep one, as they were still in public, but just enough of a kiss to make his later intentions plain....