"Computer, time," Tarik asked as he snapped awake. He had fallen asleep in the chair next to Kassia's bed.
[The time is 0630 hours.]
At least I'm not late, Tarik thought as he got up and headed to the bathroom. Moments later, he'd re-emerged ready for another day of running the station.
Command of the station wasn't his favorite activity--not by far. He would have much rather have been conducting the raids on the Jem'Hadar bases. Tarik had seen the reports on the raids, and how heavy the casualties had been. A part of him wondered if he couldn't have somehow planned them better, or been able to modify them had he been on site.
But no, he thought. The Jem'Hadar were a vicious enemy, and hard-pressed at the moment. Between the destruction of their breeding creche earlier in the year and the destruction of their Ketracel White plant recently, they would be acting out of desperation. And desperation was not a good state in which to encounter the Dominion's foot soldiers!
"Computer, do I have any messages?" Tarik asked.
[Four messages are pending.]
Display messages on terminal, Tarik said as he positioned himself at Kassia's terminal.
Two were administrative reports he'd asked for earlier. One was a message from his grandfather--although he hadn't had the chance to talk with Sikal face-to-face, Tarik had been making it a point to correspond regularly, awaiting a break in duty so he could take leave and meet the family he didn't know he had.
And then there was the message from Amalgamated Dilithium. "Play message from Amalgamated Dilithium," Tarik ordered.
The face of the CEO of the mining company appeared. [Upon your advice and that of the Union, Colonel, we have conducted an audit of the New Canada operation. Superintendent Salin has been systematically defrauding the Company and we have sworn out a warrant for his arrest. The civilian authorities on New Canada should have him in custody by the end of the day. Thank you for your assistance; I will ensure that Starfleet is informed of your capable handling of the situation.]
Okay, score one for the good guys, Tarik thought as he noticed Kassia had awakened.
Kassia emerged from her room donning a black pair of pants and a dark purple sweater. Her face was still gaunt and white with dark shadows around her green eyes, making her spots more predominant on her face. At least she had changed. She was taking care of her appearance and that was a good thing. Tarik knew to keep an eye on that. When she started not taking care of herself, he would know there was trouble brewing. She met his dark eyes for a moment and smiled softly, though it was still hollow. She walked to the replicator and got herself a cup of sweetened herbal tea. She was staying away from caffeine for the time being.
"Good morning," she said, "Would you like some coffee or something to eat?"
"Coffee would be great," he said. "I'm not used to sleeping sitting up! Haven't done that since the Academy!"
She got the coffee and handed it to him. "There's no reason that you can't share my bed," she said softly. "You've shared it before . . ." She pushed the encroaching memories aside with a deep breath. Memories she didn't want.
"It would not have been right for me to intrude. You are not well and need to recover. And besides, I really didn't mean to fall asleep! I was trying to get some research done."
"Research?" she asked, curiously. "For that special project or something different?" She took a sip of her tea and sat down on the couch.
"The project, and a few other things. Running this station is nothing but a headache! I don't know how Wallace puts up with it!"
She smirked at that. "Administration isn't your desire . . . But it seems that you're good at it . . ." She had mentally picked up from his mind the mining dispute and its conclusion.
"I do the job that's in front of me," Tarik said. "What makes you think I have a talent for it?"
"I see that you handled the mining dispute well and that you're going to be commended for it . . ." she said. "That wasn't something you have been trained for and you have accomplished a positive outcome with just some research . . . I believe you would have a talent for anything you put your mind to, Tarik . . ." She met his gaze for a moment and then turned her attention to the porthole and the dark view.
"If it weren't for Troy I don't know what I could have done with that. But I'm glad that the miners are getting a fair shake," Tarik said, noticing Kassia's gaze drifting off. "Are you okay?"
She took a sip of tea and followed it with a deep breath. "I don't know if I'm ever going to be okay . . ." That haunted look in her eyes became piercing as she continued to stare off. Memories crowded her mind, though she tried pushing them away.
"You will. Dr. Strik is on his way; he'll be here in a few days," Tarik said, taking her in his arms.
"I just wish I felt so confident . . . " She replied. "The emotions and memories are in control of me. I can't push them away . . . " She began shaking a bit as she remembered being trapped in the turbolift with Kelly. Her mind recounted the event in full detail, like a movie, only she couldn't shut it off.
"It's all going to be okay," Tarik said, wishing fervently he'd finished off Kelly when he had the opportunity. Now that monster was roaming the galaxy, planning only the gods knew what mischief.
Kassia curled up against him for comfort and felt his grip tighten around her, making her, for the moment, feel safe. Her shaking lessened, but did not go away. "I hope you're right, Tarik . . . I just wish that . . . I wish . . . I wish I could have stopped Kelly myself . . . Stopped him from doing what he did to me . . . But I wasn't strong enough . . . I still think about what I could have done different . . . I know you said that I shouldn't, but I can't help it . . . The memory plays over and over again in my mind. It's inevitable that I would start thinking about what I had done wrong or what I could have done differently . . . If I had done some things differently, he might not have had the opportunity to . . . to beat me and then . . . then threaten me the way he did . . ." She felt defeated. Tears misted her eyes, but didn't fall. She had already cried so many tears.
"You were suckered, Kass," Tarik said. "Anyone can be caught off guard! It's happened to me more times than I like thinking about. We'll work on your ability to deal with these situations--I should have been working with you more often--but not until Dr. Strik's put you back together. Don't let Kelly rule your life, or he'll really have won," Tarik replied as he stroked her back gently.
"I can't stop the memories . . ." she said weakly with a gentle sniff. "Dr. Strik will help with that, I guess . . . I've read a little about him . . . He has done extensive work with trauma victims . . . I guess I fall into that category." She took a deep breath trying to settle her emotions.
"Trauma victims from a wide range of sentient species," Tarik said. "He came very highly recommended."
She nodded. This time, a tear fell from the corner of her eye. "I just don't want to be a victim anymore . . ."
"As long as you keep moving and keep fighting, you're not a victim!" Tarik said, drying the tear. "And you're doing both. You could have curled up into a ball and shut out the world. But you haven't. You're attempting to live, and that's what counts."
"I still can't get into the turbolift . . ." she replied, "I can't check in on my shop . . . I can't go anywhere . . . Just thinking about the turbolift . . ." The shaking started again and her breathing became rapid and shallow.
"Let's see what we can do about that," Tarik said as he tapped his combadge. "Tarik to Transporter Room. Two to transport to Commerce Section," he said. The site-to-site transport wasn't exactly permitted in a non-emergency situation, but rank did have its privileges. Moments later they rematerialized in the Commerce Section.
Kassia looked around and wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. It felt good to be there. But a little scary too. For the moment, she was lost for words as she gazed around the familiar surroundings that she had not been in since before that fateful day with Kelly.
"We can't keep doing this, you know," Tarik said. "But I figured getting you out amongst the real world for a while might be good. Lots of people miss you, you know."
"It feels strange to be here . . . good but it's a little frightening . . ." she admitted. She had been so isolated because of her fear from the trauma that she wasn't sure about being there. She did want to be there, but her fear was there also. As Tarik held onto her, she did relax. "Are you going to be able to stay with me for awhile? Or will duty call? And how am I going to get back to my quarters later? The same way?" So many questions assailed her mind and tumbled out.
"We'll work that out when the time comes. I do have to relieve Deveraux at 0800, however. Just take it easy--let Danni handle the shop. Maybe something in your inventory will help."
She nodded, thinking of possibilities . . . If nothing else, she could stay in the back room of her shop and read or meditate if things got too overwhelming for her. But it would be nice to see Danni . . . Danni had been doing a wonderful job handling the shop and she had also left several concerned messages for Kassia that Troy had answered for her when she hadn't been able to do it herself. It was amazing that she was even able to leave her quarters. If it hadn't been for Tarik, she might have never left it at all . . .
"I'll see if I can't stop by for lunch later," Tarik said. "I'll let Troy know you're at the shop so he won't be worried."
"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for everything . . . " Her green eyes met his concerned stare.
Tarik took her in his arms in a tight embrace. "Just get better for me, hon," he whispered in her ear. "You do as much for me as I've ever done for you."
She sighed as she melted into him. She wasn't willing to let him go. "Well, we have time yet before you have to leave . . . Should we grab some breakfast?" she asked, still not letting him go.
"Sounds good. Let's see what Harry's can do for us!"
With a gentle nod, Kassia smiled. "I don't think I've ever had breakfast there . . ." she said.
"Apparently they're the place to go for it," Tarik said. "Eggs, bacon, toast, all the Earth traditional foods. I understand they're starting to offer a Vulcan menu as well."
"Either way, it sounds pretty good . . . Maybe I can actually eat for a change," she said, knowing he would understand what she meant.
"You look like you could use something in you right now. Not eating will only prolong the problem."
They entered the diner and sat down. A waitress in a pink dress of a uniform promptly appeared at their table with a pair of menus. Tarik studied the jukebox at the table, and entered a selection. "My Girl" by the Eberle Brothers began playing.
A smile crept onto Kassia's face. For a moment, their eyes met, exchanging unspoken words. Then she turned her attention to the menu. She looked at the breakfast selections and seemed a bit bewildered. There was so much of everything she didn't know what to chose. "Wow, they have a lot here . . . Do you know what's good?" she asked.
"Try the Spanish omelet," Tarik said. "That'll get you going!"
She looked over what he suggested and nodded. It came with something called home fries and a biscuit or toast. "Sounds very good. I think I'll try that. And some cranberry juice . . ." She set her menu down and smiled to herself. "I bet Danni's going to be surprised to see me . . ."
"She'll be very happy to see you," Tarik said, having answered a number of Danni's messages as well.
"It's going to be strange being in the shop, but it'll be a good thing, I think . . . I can see how the business is going . . . See some of the customers . . . And I can always go hide in the back with a book, if I feel the need . . . " she sighed. She was still fighting the fear, though it wasn't as strong since she hadn't had to deal with the turbolift.
The waitress returned and took their order. "Try to interact with people if you can," Tarik suggested. "It may be a little stressful but isolating yourself will only prolong the depression."
She nodded. "Maybe you should be a therapist," she smirked. It was one of the rare smirks she gave now . . . But it did show her ability to enjoy the moment was intact, even if it was barely.
"It's all experience, Kass. Training has nothing to do with it!" he laughed. "I've been beat down enough times to know where you've been. Take a look at something," Tarik said as he opened his mouth. Kassia looked inside to note that a molar was missing.
She shuddered. "That was when you were taken prisoner?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
Tarik nodded. "The Cardassians take a tooth for a DNA sample, so they can track you down later if need be. I wasn't even out of the Academy a year. It took me another six months to recover from that...and you probably have seen the nightmares I still have sometimes."
She nodded. "I remember them . . ."
"I just have to keep telling myself that as long as I get up in the morning, and do something with myself, they haven't beaten me. And you know what? In thirteen years they haven't beaten me. And they won't either," Tarik replied as their matching Spanish omelets arrived.
"I remember the prediction I made the first day we met," she smiled. "I remember predicting how being on this station would change your life . . . You have accomplished so much here and not just with your rank . . . I can't imagine anything beating you now . . ."
"I've been down, but never out," Tarik said as he took a forkful of omelet. "Ah! Bell peppers! Love them! You're going to make it, too. You're just too unique and too special to not make it."
She smiled again, as she took a bite of her own omelet. She nodded at its flavor. "This is good." Kassia replied. But she put the fork down and leaned over a bit. She suddenly felt as if she were kicked in the gut. Her anxiety level was rising. Was she going to make it? she wondered. She wasn't sure . . .
"Are you okay?" Tarik asked, seeing the change come over her.
She shook her head. "This just happens to me . . . " she replied quietly. "I'll just suddenly get scared or anxious . . . It comes on real quick . . ." She took a few deep breaths trying to calm the fear.
Tarik took her hand. "Just take it easy. You'll be fine." In reality he was starting to panic because he didn't know what he could do for her. Too bad we couldn't use slipstream to get Strik here faster! he thought!
In a moment, she was sitting back up again, but the shaking was back. "I'm okay now," she said, trying to be as strong as possible. But the fear was still with her. Just not as strong . . . She had managed to mute some of it. But her appetite was gone.
Tarik held her hand for a while, hoping to impart some small measure of comfort to her. He wasn't sure he was doing any good.
As she looked at him once again, she forced a smile. "I'll be okay . . . I'm . . . just not very hungry anymore . . . Maybe I'll be more hungry at lunch."
"Ma'am, could we have a container for this?" Tarik asked the waitress. "No use in letting good food go to waste. I'm going to have to get moving, but don't worry. You sure you're going to be okay?"
She nodded. "If I'm not, I'll let you know . . ."
"By all means. I'll be either in my office or on the command deck. Paul will be coming off shift soon, and Troy should be home by now if I can't get to you immediately."
She nodded. At least she had her support network available should she get too overwhelmed being in the commerce section . . . even if she could hide in her shop. But the memories would hit her wherever and whenever they pleased. That was something she couldn't control yet. So options were good. Support was good.
The waitress packaged up the remains of Kassia's breakfast as Tarik paid the bill. They walked out together to the shop, where Danni was opening up.
"Kassia! I didn't expect to see you back so soon!" she said excitedly.
"You take care now," Tarik said as he gave Kassia a final hug.
"I'll try," she replied quietly, before turning toward Danni. "Surprise," she said to her friend. "Thought I would spend some time here . . . maybe the day . . . Depends on how I feel . . ."
"That's great!!" Danni said, immediately embracing her. "I have been so worried about you! And so had Len . . . We've both been worried with what happened . . ."
"Well, its been a rough road so far," Kassia admitted. "But hopefully it'll start getting a bit easier . . ."
With that, she entered the store with Danni.
Tarik, satisfied that all was well on this count, headed for the command deck.