Karissa handed Maya over to Ciara as Ming held Luc. Both children seemed very contented to be handed over and smiled at their temporary caregivers.
"We're glad to take them for a little bit," Ciara smiled, giving Maya a gentle squeeze of love. "Ming and I love these little guys an awful lot!"
"I know," Karissa replied. "But I still want you to know how much I appreciate this."
Their eyes met and Ciara distinctly got the sense that something more was going on. "So what are you going to do with this free time?"
"I, uh . . . have something I need to take care of," she replied. She looked down for a moment and swallowed at the lump in her throat.
Even Ming noticed this and both he and Ciara exchanged glances.
"Well, don't you worry about Luc and Maya. You go take care of whatever it is that you need to take care of," Ciara replied.
"That's right," continued Ming, "The little ones are in good hands . . ."
"Thank you," Karissa smiled gently, though it was filled with sadness. "I love you and I'll be back soon!" she said as she kissed both Maya and Luc's cheeks. "I'll see you in an hour."
"Take as long as you need, Karissa," Ming said.
With a finally nod, she walked away.
"What do you suppose she's gone to do?" Ciara asked.
Ming shrugged. "I don't know," he said with some concern, "But maybe whatever it is, is something that will help her in her grief."
"Let's hope so . . ." Ciara replied.
Karissa had worked on this program for a long time. She had put all her energy into it. Once she realized that she was stuck in her grief she knew this was the only thing she could do. Painstakingly she had created this and she hoped it would be enough to help her begin to see the end of the grief and start to move forward. Or at least to take away some of the pain and guilt she felt . . .
"Computer initiate program BentaraEvans282," she said quietly. She could feel the tears already welling up in her eyes. Could she really do this? She asked herself.
"Program initiated," the computer replied as the doors opened.
There was no time to think anymore. She stepped into the holodeck. There she found herself in a large, white, airy room. The ceilings reached up to vaulted ceilings that were pristine in there color. There was a doorway that lead outside and windows that let bright light into the door. So much so that there was no other light source. White, sheer, billowy drapes hung from the windows and floated in a gentle breeze brought in through the windows. Around there were couches and pillows. Everything white accented by gold. It was beautiful . . . Just like how she wanted it. Then suddenly, from the doorway, she saw a shadow . . . There he was. He walked forward, stunningly alive dressed in white. She couldn't believe how real he looked. She had worked very hard on this and yet, she hadn't been prepared for how she would react. She tried to remind herself that this was only a hologram that she had programmed herself, but she couldn't escape her reaction to seeing him.
Immediately the Ryan hologram rushed to her. "I never thought I'd see you again!" he said as he took Karissa in his arms. "The last I remember I was entering the gateway and--how is this possible?" he asked suddenly, pulling away from Karissa just a bit. "Is this some sort of afterlife experience?" he asked, skeptically.
Tears rushed to her dark eyes. "This is something somewhat like that . . ." as she took his hands in hers. "God, I've missed you so much, you have no idea. She couldn't fight it as the tears began trickling down her cheeks.
"How long has it been?" Ryan asked as he took her hand. "It seems like only less than a second ago for me..."
"It was right before Christmas when . . ." she couldn't look at him. "It's now March."
Suddenly she melted into tears. "Ryan, one of the reasons I'm here . . .
I . . . I need to say this. I have to. Its been eating at me since the day I lost you . . . I . . . am so sorry . . ." She couldn't hold back the sob, though she tried. Memories of the Naussican plunging the knife into Ryan's stomach paraded in her mind again as she spoke. The pain just tore at her as it always did. "I am just so sorry, I didn't get to you sooner . . . That I was too late to stop that Naussican from . . . hurting you . . ."
"Kari, honey, the risk was mine to take. I knew what I was getting into, and I knew my odds were long. You don't need to destroy yourself over this," Ryan told her. "Even if you had made it out of the chamber in time there's no guarantee you could have saved me. The Nausicaan might have just hurried the job."
Tenderly she felt him wipe away her tears and she couldn't help looking into his brown eyes. "But I was there to help you . . . and I really think I would have . . . I feel it . . . and I did kill that Naussican . . . But I was too late to stop him . . . I see that one moment in my mind all the time and it hurts . . . Feeling like I should have done something. That I could have done something had I just gotten in there a few seconds earlier. Regardless of what you said . . . I could have stopped him. I could have . . ."
"Karissa," Ryan said sternly, "it wasn't meant to be. Fate unfolds that way sometimes. It's not always fair at the moment, but in the long run things do work out. Of that, I'm convinced."
He embraced her and as she felt his arms go around her, she knew that she wasn't going to be able to go through with the second half of her plan. She had come here with two goals in mind. One was to tell him she was sorry, since the events of that day has been weighing so much on her mind, and two, was to finally say good-bye to him. But now, though this was only a hologram, as she tried to remind herself, she couldn't say good-bye. For this time she had, it felt as if she had Ryan back, even if it were just pretend, and she wasn't willing to give that up . . . "I love you . . ." she whispered.
"And I love you too...my last thoughts were of you, and wondering if I'd ever have the chance to tell you how much I love you. How much I'd cared for you and wanted to do the best by you...there was so much we didn't get to do or say..." Ryan replied, openly weeping.
With a watery smile she kissed him gently. "Maybe we can still do some of them . . ."
"I'd like that very much," Ryan said quietly. "I don't want to miss out on anything now that I have a second chance." He placed his hand under Karissa's chin and drew her into a gentle kiss.