Her consciousness returned slowly to her. She was so comfortable she didn't
want to move, she thought, as she sighed and wriggled herself to get even more
comfortable. But she could hear the sounds of the ocean pounding the shore and
she remembered where she was. With great effort, she opened her dark eyes. She
was still facing the surf. A full moon was shining down, making everything bright.
The party . . . she remembered with a smile. Suddenly something caught her attention.
It was a small box, wrapped in shiny purple paper, and topped with an opalescent
bow. Slowly, she pushed herself to sitting. Without touching it, she knew who
it was from. He had come after all, she thought bittersweetly. Had she slept
so soundly she hadn't heard his footsteps . . . That was a rarity. With great
care, she lifted the little gift and opened it. Inside was a simple disk, and
a note. Grabbing the note, she read it. "Happy Birthday, Love Ryan."
It was simple, but hit home for her. She lifted the disk and looked at it. Written
on it was a title: "Lets Do Things Our Own Way" The first thing she
would do once back in her quarters was listen to whatever was on it.
"Computer, what time is it?" she asked.
<0032 hours> came the reply.
She was concerned. Every day for the last few weeks, she had been sleeping 6-10 hours a night, which wasn't like her. She had attibuted it to the depression she was feeling, but she wasn't sure. For a fleeting moment, she thought about seeing Will in the morning for a check-up, only she's couldn't get beyond her irrational fear of going to sickbay. It always brought a shudder to her. Maybe he would consider making a housecall, she thought. She again looked at the disk in her hands. Her mind immediately returned to Ryan. Part of her wished she had been awake when he arrived, but on a logical level, she knew what would have happened. She was so weak around him . . . She loved him so much . . . But she had to be strong, she thought. Gathering herself together, she stood up. Near a table was a bag that held other gifts that she had receieved during the course of the party. She knew Ciara must have gathered everything together for her. But there was one gift that wasn't in there. She still wore the Bajoran earring . . . Gently her hand went to it touching it. She smiled softly. Finally getting herself together, she wrapped her towel around her waist, grabbed the bag, and carefully put Ryan's gift in it.
"Computer, end program," she said.
Instantly, the image of the beach faded away, and she was left standing in the empty holodeck grid. Remembering all the fun she'd had, she left to her quarters, hoping she could keep that good feeling for at least a few hours more.
Once back in her quarters, she unpacked
her bag of gifts. There had been some books, since most of her friends knew
her penchant for old-fashioned paperbacks. There were music programs and other
miscellanious items . . . each and everyone special to her, because of who had
given them. Suddenly, she pulled out Ryan's gift. She looked it over several
times. She was just about to put it on when something else caught her eye. It
was the envelope that Ming had given her with the instructions to open later.
It was later, she thought. She looked for the gift he had given to her as well.
It was packed at the bottom of the bag and back in its box. She was just about
ready to open it up and pull out the strange stuffed mouse, until she thought
better of it and decided to read the card he had given her.
She opened the envelope and gently pulled the card out. It was written in Chinese,
she realized, as she admired the artistic characters before her. But she had
no idea what they meant. Quickly, accessing the Universal Translator, she waited
for the translation of the beautiful script. It was simple. We're even.
Suddenly she started putting the pieces together. There was something that was inside the mouse that had given her that euforia at the party, she realized. But she wasn't upset. In fact, it had made the day one of the best she'd had in awhile. She was also pretty sure why he had done that, but she was still going to talk to him anyway. However, seeing the time, she knew it would have to wait until morning. Going back to her original plan, she grabbed Ryan's disk and put it on.
As it began to play, she heard the guitar melody and then Ryan's voice . . . She closed her eyes as she listened to the words, overwhelmed by the emotion in them. She imaged him right there singing to her. As the song ended, she pictured him going to her and caressing her face. As hard as she tried, she couldn't hold back the tears.
"Why can't we just do things our own way?" she asked herself, as a tear trickled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. Of course, she knew why . . . because she loved him and wouldn't let him sacrific his career for her. She couldn't . . . but being without him was breaking her heart . . . and breaking his, she realized. What was she going do, she thought . . . Maybe it was time not to care anymore. She didn't know . . . She wiped away the new tears from her cheeks and stood, walking to her bed. As she laid down, the familiar nausea in her stomach started again. She quelled it as best as she could as she got comfortable.
"Computer, play "Lets Do Things Our Own Way" in a continuous loop," she said.
As the song played again, she allowed
her eyes to close. She willed herself to feel him beside her and comfort her.
Its okay, she could hear him say . . . Again, she felt weak as she gave herself
over to the song and emotions. She couldn't fight it and drifted to sleep once
again with Ryan on her mind.