Karissa stood on the pole, carefully balancing on one foot. The other lifted
gracefully to the side. Around her were several more poles and balance beams
of varying height. Her hair was pulled back, away from her face and she wore
a black catsuit. It showed every curve of her body, including her growing belly.
With feline agility, she jumped from the pole and landed on a nearby balance
beam. For a moment, she seemed to lose her balance, but compensated almost instantly.
With a few more steps, she hopped to another pole, and then another.
Suddenly, the holodeck doors opened.
She held her position as she watched the figure enter.
Immediately, she sensed it was Ryan. Their shift had ended an hour ago. She
had immediately come here. Ryan, stopped and looked up at her curiously as she
balanced gracefully above him. She stood almost perfectly still as she smiled
downward.
"What are you doing?" he asked, returning her smile, but with some concern.
"I am practicing my balance," she said. "The larger I seem to get the more my center of gravity shifts . . . I want to make sure that if a situation arises where I need to move swiftly, I still can . . . "
With ease, she jumped from the pole and onto the deck before him, landing with hardly a sound and on her feet. Just like a cat. She looked at him, her dark eyes sparkling.
"So what brings you here?" she asked.
"Well," he smiled, "Dinara and Nige have invited us to dinner. Would you want to go?"
"Of course!" she replied enthusiastically.
"And how are you feeling today?" he asked, gently placing a hand on her stomach.
"Very well," she replied.
Since Ciara had given her the medication to help with the nausea and dizziness,
she had actually started feeling like herself again. But she was finding that
her uniforms was getting a little snug. The one thing she had read was carrying
twins was going to cause her to show earlier than if she were only carrying
one. Her stomach was proof of that. But as she
thought of the babies, her mind wandered, as it always did of late. Wandered
to the baby she lost . . . and then to Ryan . . . and Ming . . . and Will .
. .
"Where are you?" Ryan asked gently, sensing her mind wander away, as he caressed her face tenderly.
"I was thinking that I might need to stop in sickbay . . ." she said.
Since the revelation of her genetic engineering, she had realized that her fear of hospitals and sickbays were most likely due to tests that had been performed on her after she was born. Though the fear was still there, the knowledge had made it easier to deal with and get past.
"Dr. Hancock?" he asked.
She nodded. "He needs to know about this . . ." she said, touching her slightly protruding belly. Her stomach was definitely growing larger by the day.
"I know," Ryan replied. "Want me to come with you?"
She shook her head. "No . . . That's okay . . . I should do this alone . . ."
Ryan nodded. He could tell that she
appreciated his offer, but she wanted to be able to gauge Will's response, and
by going alone, it would be less uncomfortable for everyone. As it was, she
was unsure how William would take the news, and as much as she wanted Ryan by
her side, there was the chance that this would embarrass William . . . It was
definitely the right decision
to go alone.
"All right then . . . I'll let Dinara and Nige know to expect us . . ." Tenderly, he kissed her. "It'll be all right . . ."
Karissa had changed before leaving the holodeck. She chose a loose, trapeze blouse in black and matching pants. It hid her growing abdomen from view. As she entered sickbay, she knew William was still there, apparently going over several reports that covered what had gone on in his absence. He had not reviewed the one about her yet. But something else was going on within him. She sensed that he was disconcerted . . . She didn't know what had happened while he was gone, but she now knew it had been something life changing . . . Maybe he wouldn't be ready for this, she thought. Maybe this wasn't a good time . . . Just as she was about to turn around and leave, he saw her. He set down the PADD that was in his hand and stood up. He walked to her.
"Karissa," he replied with surprise. Her fear of sickbay seemed to not be so pronounced, he thought curiously. Though she did appear to still be quite nervous. "Is everything all right?" he asked.
For a moment, she was lost for words. "Well . . . I . . . I don't know . . ." She knew she sounded like an idiot, but everything she had planned to say changed. Now she wasn't sure what to say.
"Here, let me have a look at you," he said, as he lead her to a bio bed.
Before she could stop him, he was running a tricorder over her. Now it didn't matter what she said . . . The truth would be a little hard to conceal, she thought . . . Everything was there, on the tricorder read-out. She watched as Will's brows knit together with surprised concern.
"You're pregnant . . . " He scanned her further and reviewed the DNA.
Karissa heard him take a sharp breath in, and for a moment time stood still.
She can't be, he thought. The fetuses appeared to be farther along than they should have been, if they had been produced that night in the holodeck . . . But then he realized that he was basing his assumption on human physiology . . . and one thing everyone knew was that Karissa was not completely human . . . How can I be a father, he thought, how could I now? Visions of the Floran he'd killed pierced his mind . . . What is this? Replacing the life I took with another, he thought cynically . . .
Karissa could feel his emotions as if they had been her own. She could feel his confusion, anger and grief . . . But it wasn't entirely attached to her or the babies she carried. She could sense it was from his recent Mission that he had only just returned from . . . She hadn't been made aware of what had happened, but she now knew it had entailed something life altering. Images began forming in her mind, and she saw the alien. She saw Will fire his phaser until the cell ran out . . . She could feel the fear and grief . . . As she pulled away from his memories, she gently touched his hand.
"I'm sorry . . ." she said. He was not ready to deal with this, she realized. He had too much to process already, and this was more than he could handle right now. She knew it from the moment she had walked into sickbay. Only she hadn't been able to leave fast enough. Maybe she should have just held off on this conversation . . . until she had found out what William had gone through on his Away Mission. "I shouldn't have come today," she sighed, and removed her hand, as she looked away. "In fact, I was about ready to leave again when you caught me . . ."
He pushed the DNA results to the back of his mind, but continued to be the doctor he was. "Well, how are you feeling with this pregnancy? Any morning sickness? Any pains anywhere? Cramps?"
"I've just been a little tired," she replied, knowing that he was not going to comment on the DNA that he had scanned. "I was having morning sickness and some dizziness, but Lt. Tierro gave me something for it, and I haven't had a problem since."
He looked at the tricorder scan again. "You seem a touch dehydrated . . . Increase your fluid intake a bit and that should prevent any trouble . . . How about headaches?"
She shook her head. "No headaches . . ."
"Very well," he replied. "If you experience anything out of the ordinary notify me immediately."
"I'll do that," she replied, "You know . . . if you should ever want to talk . . . about anything . . . just let me know . . . It is my job to listen and try to help." She smiled gently.
As their eyes met, understanding passed between them. He understood she knew what was going on within him, and she understood that he knew about his child, but needed time to deal with it.
"Perhaps I might do that," he replied. "Well, your babies look healthy and so do you."
"Thank you," she smiled.
As she got up from the bio bed, she adjusted her blouse. He could see that she was already showing.
"When are you scheduled to come in for your next prenatal exam?"
"I should be on the schedule for next week," she replied.
"Very well," he replied. "We'll see you then."
She smiled and said a final good-bye before she left, but she was unsettled. She was concerned for William. He was a doctor and he had taken a life. It was the opposite ends of the spectrum. She understood what he felt. She was a counselor and she had taken life . . . Each time it had been necessary, but that knowledge didn't always help . . . She knew he was conflicted. He was suppose to preserve life and save it . . . Not destroy it and she knew that was weighing on him. With a heavy sigh, she reached her quarters. It was time to get ready for the dinner get-together.
As she entered, she immediately headed for the shower. She tried to relax, but found it very difficult. Not only was her concern for William forefront in her mind, but she realized that now all the fathers knew about the babies she carried. The thought pained her again, as she thought of the child she lost. But at least she felt that she had done what was necessary. They had all been informed in one fashion or another . . . Only she wished the circumstances had been better for Will when he had found out. She should have waited to tell him . . . He wasn't ready to deal with the news . . . The one time it was left up to her to tell, and she messed up the timing. With Ming, he had been the one to discover her pregnancy. With Ryan, he had learned of it through her loss . . . With a sigh, she dressed in her crushed velvet pants outfit in gemstone purple. She pulled her hair back and up, leaving loose strands to frame her face. As she stared at her finished reflection in the mirror, she sighed. She had been responsible for so much pain and distress . . . Suddenly, she felt hands on her shoulders, as Ryan's face appeared in the mirror next to her own.
"How'd things go with the doctor?" he asked.
She sighed. "He knows . . . But he's in denial at the moment . . . " she replied. "He seems to be dealing with a lot of other things . . ."
"I can understand that... I've read his and Mr. O'Neil's report of that mission. What he's going through isn't easy for anyone, let alone him. We'll just have to let him come to terms with everything in his own time . . . I remember the first man I killed face to face. He was a Klingon. He came at me, bat'leth raised to strike. I barely manage to fire my phaser in time to kill him. Just like Hancock, that was in self defense, but it took me a good few weeks to get over that. I'm sure he'll accept everything if we just give him some space."
"I'm sure he will," she replied back with a soft smile. "I know what he's going through too . . ." Memories of the people she had killed over the years came crashing into her mind. It had always been in defense, either of herself or of others. But there was a certain regret and sorrow that never fully went away after something like that. "Taking someone's life, regardless of the circumstances, is always a difficult thing . . . I just feel like this news wasn't what he needed right now . . ." She felt a strong twinge of guilt course through her.
"Well, what's done is done. He's just going to have to muddle through all this like myself and Lieutenant Wang," he replied, squeezing her shoulders gently, attempting to comfort her with his touch. "Anyway, are you ready for dinner?"
"I suppose," she replied with a tender smile, turning to face him.
Memories of that night in the holodeck with the three was now a bittersweet memory. It had brought her and Ryan together, but it had also caused so much pain . . . She was still processing the guilt. Something she hadn't thought she would feel . . . But she pushed it away as she looked into Ryan's eyes.
"Well then, we'd better get going. They'll be wondering what's keeping us," he said, as he took her hand, kissing it gently. As she smiled softly again, he lead her from her quarters.
William sat at his desk still going over files. Apparently a lot had happened while he had been gone, though he was drawing close to the end of the pile. It had been an hour since Karissa had left sickbay and he had done his best to distract himself. He wasn't ready to deal with what he had learned . . . As he completed reading the file on Ensign Daria Mulhariki, he set it down and reached for the next PADD. The name on it was Lt. Commander Karissa Bentara. At first, he was going to set the PADD to the side and grab another one, wanting to deal with her later, but something caught his attention. The word spontaneous abortion appeared in the first paragraph. She had apparently lost a child . . . As he read, not only did he discover that she had been pregnant with three children and had lost one of them, but she had almost lost her own life in the process . . . He also discovered a curious notation in her file. As he cross-referenced it, he found the information had a security lock. Using his codes, he opened the file . . . It was more detailed information on Karissa, and it was recent . . . He hardly believed what was before him on the screen . . . It was beyond comprehension that this could happen in Federation space . . . that this could be the truth . . . Karissa Bentara had been genetically engineered . . .
With a weary sigh, he placed the
PADD down on his desk and rubbed his eyes. It was all too much to take.