"I haven't had one of these in ages!" Steve said, looking at the Cornish game hen on the platter before him. For this dinner engagement Johnny and Jenara decided not to test their guests' ability to handle spicy food.
Once again, Katianna and Jovo had joined Johnny and Jenara--and their creators/guests--for dinner. Cassie and Jordan had already been fed and were busy entertaining themselves with a holographic chutes and ladders game; occasionally they got a little too enthusiastic and had to be hushed by their mother. Krystina wasn't sure but she sensed that Jordan was a little more tractable than usual.
"Oh, I love what you did with them, Jenara. This candy glaze is something I've always wanted to try. My mother used to make them up like little turkeys!"
"It was just a hunch, somehow," Jenara replied. How much of our creators' preferences and personalities are reflected in our own? she thought as she overheard Steve and Johnny swap incredibly bad jokes.
"If people from Scotland are Scots, and people from Wales are Welsh, are people from Cornwall Corns?" Steve asked.
"Another corn-y joke like that and I'll show you how the airlocks on the ship work," Johnny said, toasting him with a bottle of Ferengi beetle beer. Katianna and Jovo looked as though they'd rather be someplace else.
"You know, in our dimension very gruesome things happen to people who engage in making bad puns," Jovo mused absently.
"They could happen here, if those two keep it up!" Kat replied. The adults laughed while the children insisted upon being told what was so funny.
"Oh -- that reminds me! What time is it?"
<The time is 1704 hours.>
"Jordan, it's time for your meds -- come here, honey!" Krystina bade her son.
"You may want to reconsider that," Jenara suggested. "Skywon's treatment should be taking hold by now. Those primitive medications could interfere with it."
"You're right, I should have thought of that," Krystina replied. "Never mind, Jordan!" Jordan, who'd gotten up from his game with Cassie to get his medication, promptly turned around and returned just in time to keep Cassie from attempting to turn the game upside down. Cassie, her fun momentarily abated, began to cry.
"It always starts like this!" Krys said as she got up from the table to settle her youngest down.
"What always starts like this?" Johnny asked Steve.
"It's mostly sibling rivalry -- they're both old enough to resent intrusions on their own turf, but not old enough to work around each other."
"My sister and I were only four years apart," Johnny said. "We used to get on each other's nerves all the time -- especially when she started dating!"
~There's more behind this, Johnny. Krystina seems extremely agitated; it just started happening now.~ Jenara thought to her husband.
~I'm picking it up, too. Really strong -- almost like she can't keep it under control, even though she's trying!~ Kat added.
Krystina picked Cassie up into her arms and had a seat on the couch. "It's okay. You just can't play the game upside down, baby doll. Everything's fine . . ." she tried to soothe. As she held her daughter she began to feel the familiar shake through her body that always came when her children cried or fought. Her breath was a bit shallow also. In a few minutes, Cassie was quieted down. She went back to playing with her brother and Krystina gave her a kiss and headed back to the table. She smiled at everyone as she sat.
"The perils of parenthood," she said as she sat back down.
Though she appeared outwardly calm, Jenara and Kat exchanged concerned glances. Looks were deceiving. Krystina was still agitated.
"I'm sure we'll find out soon enough," Jenara smiled, thinking of Adrianna, who slept quietly in the other room.
"Oh, no doubt you will," Krystina replied with a smirk.
Steve gently took her hand. He leaned over to her and quietly asked, "Are you okay?"
She shrugged. "I guess," she replied. "As okay as I get."
Suddenly Adrianna began to cry. "Oh, it sounds like someone doesn't want to miss out on the fun!" Jenara said. "Krys, would you like to come see our little one?"
"Of course! I miss dealing with them when they're still small and innocent!" Krystina said.
~I'll see what I can do, Johnny. Take over out here. Maybe you can get some insight from Steve.~
~I'll try, but I'm not sure what you're looking for,~ Johnny replied in thought.
~ Just ask questions about her, about her life,~ Jenara replied. ~Something is really going on with her. Whatever it is, it isn't good. I'd like to try to get some answers.~
Krystina followed Jenara from the dinner table and to Adrianna's room.
Johnny turned to Steve. "Krystina seems upset. Do you know what might be going on? Hopefully we haven't created a problem."
"It's not you, or anyone really. She's got a lot of things to work out," Steve replied.
Johnny didn't need Jenara's telepathic powers to sense that Steve was holding back. "You're not saying everything, Steve. There's no need to hold back here--if you can't trust the people you helped to create, who can you trust?"
"I suppose you're right," Steve said. "I didn't want to say anything because I thought this was something Krystina should reveal on her own terms. I'm sure you've heard about her ex-husband."
"Yeah, I seem to recall a thing or two about him," Johnny said. The fact that his name was similar to Krystina's ex troubled him until Johnny learned that he was in fact named for Steve's brother. "Wouldn't mind getting my hands on him, either..."
"You'll have to stand in line," Steve said. "Well, he of course had his impact on Krystina, but underlying all that is a little something we in this century call bipolar disorder. Are you familiar with it?"
"That was cured in the 21st century!" Kat exclaimed. "There hasn't been a documented case of true bipolar disorder in well over three hundred years."
"Well, in this part of the 21st century there's no cure as of yet," Steve explained. "It's not been easy for her. The doctors can't seem to figure out what medications or doses to use on her."
"Maybe this is something our Medical staff can help with," Jovo proposed. "There's got to be a way to mitigate this thing, if not cure it outright."
"I'll talk to Skywon tomorrow," Johnny said. "Is Krystina likely to be a danger to herself or others?"
Steve thought for a moment. "I doubt it very seriously." He turned to the kids. "Those kids are her entire universe. She'd never do anything to hurt them, or risk their ending up permanently in their father's hands."
"If you run into trouble, let us know," Johnny replied.
As Jenara and Krystina entered Adrianna's room, they immediately went to the crib where a little infant lay crying, her face all red. Tenderly Jenara picked her up and gently bounced her in her arms quietly shushing her. The infant quieted down some, but not completely.
"Usually she stops crying as soon as I pick her up . . . She's not wet, but she does seem a little hungry," Jenara replied. She looked at Krystina with knowing eyes. "Would you hold her for me while I get a bottle for her?" she asked.
"I would love to!" Krystina replied enthusiastically. "Its been so long since I've held a baby . . . I miss it . . ."
The women exchanged smiles. Krystina sat in the gliding chair as Jenara handed her Adrianna. Krystina was immediately taken with the baby and the baby instantly stopped crying. She gently caressed Adrianna's face. She was so perfect. It was Cassandra all over again . . . Adrianna gazed up at her calmly. Almost knowing what she was thinking. Krystina just held the baby closer to her.
Suddenly memories came to her . . . Memories of her pregnancy with Cassandra and how difficult it had been. John had never been there for her. She had spent her pregnancy miserable and alone, except for her son who had been her saving grace . . . Other memories surfaced that were as equally unpleasant. Memories of the last time John had laid a hand on her. She had been pregnant. She had gone into shock afterwards, just like she had done every time he had struck her. But as she looked down at the baby in her arms, she thought of Cassandra and of Jordan and realized that they had been worth all the pain. But she still wasn't sure she would ever recover herself. Tears misted her eyes as she smiled down at the baby cuddled on her chest. Miracles are always worth the pain, she thought, caressing Adrianna's back gently.
Jenara stepped out of the bedroom to retrieve a bottle for the baby when Johnny explained the situation to her. "It all makes sense now," Jenara said. "I'm starting to pick up some really nasty moodswings at the moment."
"Really?" Steve asked, still trying to understand the problem for himself.
"She's ecstatic about holding the baby but there's also a lot of fear, anger and regret operating as well. It seems to be stemming from her past," Jenara replied. "What do you usually do during times like this?"
"Ride it out as best I can, try to be there for her, keep the kids diverted. That's all anyone can really do," Steve said.
"I'm amazed you've managed it so well," Jovo said. "Most people would have left long ago."
"If she can put up with me, then she's definitely got a lot going for her!" Steve laughed. "It's just a matter of riding out the cycle."
Just then Adrianna began to squeal again. "I'd better feed our little piranha--be back shortly!" Jenara said.
As Jenara entered the room, Krystina immediately began getting up. But she motioned for her to stay and handed her the bottle. "I thought you might like to feed her too," Jenara smiled.
"Yeah, I would," she said, instantly placing Adrianna in the crook of one of her arms and feeding her the bottle. So much went through her mind. She loved this opportunity to hold and feed the baby she had modeled after Cassandra, but it was difficult to be assault with all the unpleasant memories she had.
As Jenara watched her creator tenderly take care of her daughter, she sensed everything going on. And with the new information, she decided to try and ask a few questions. "So how are you doing?" she began.
"I'm all right . . . Not great, but okay," she replied, keeping her attention on the baby.
"Oh, you're not all right, are you? I mean, not really . . ." Jenara replied outright. "Remember, you're dealing with a telepath!" She smiled to lighten the comment.
Krystina looked up into Jenara's green eyes. "Then you know how I feel and what I've been thinking . . ."
Jenara nodded. Of course, what she hadn't mentioned to everyone else was that she hadn't experienced emotions this intense from anyone, except in trauma victims. And that was something Krystina indeed was. "Seems that your Ex husband is playing a great deal in your thoughts and that doesn't seem to do you much good."
Krystina got quiet and looked back down at the baby. "Everyone knows that my Ex was the biggest jerk on the face of the Earth . . . Maybe even the galaxy . . . My marriage had its moments of being good, but there were far more bad times . . . He wasn't exactly loving and supportive," she said.
She nodded. "I understand . . ."
A few more moments passed in silence and Krystina picked up Adrianna, who had fallen asleep and placed her on her shoulder with the burping towel she had found on the back of the rocker. Gently she burped her and then held her close. Adrianna didn't even stir. Krystina sighed at how wonderful it felt to hold a baby again . . . To hold Cassandra again as a baby.
Slowly, Krystina got out of the rocker and gently laid Adrianna back down in her crib. She smiled down at the sleeping infant and gently touched her cheek. She looked at Jenara once again. "Thank you . . ." she said.
Jenara could tell Krystina was fighting back tears.
"No, thank you . . ." she said. "Are you ready to rejoin the others?"
Krystina nodded and they left Adrianna's room.
They returned to the other room to find their cohorts engaged in increasingly exaggerated storytelling. "And there I was," Johnny said, only a little drunk. "Surrounded by T'rais. I didn't know I was going to make it out of there--all I had was that pistol! So, I said, what the hell, and began shooting..."
"Were you killed?" an almost equally-inebriated Katianna asked.
"Hell, yes, I was killed! How do you think I tolerate this stuff?" Johnny said, indicating the Ferengi beer. The children, fortunately, had adjourned to another room and were being quiet.
Kat saw Jenara and Krystina. She had been picking up the intense emotions and could still feel them coming from her creator. Though she was inebriated, she was still very concerned. ~No one should have to go through something like this,~ She projected to Jenara and the others. ~Maybe we shouldn't wait until tomorrow . . . She's obviously in some kind of distress though she's not showing it . . . Jenara, I know you're sensing how strong her emotional swings are right now . . .~
~Yeah, I definitely am . . .~
~Would you want to go through a night like that? Would any of you?~ Kat asked.
"Jovo, do you think you can handle things here?" Jenara asked.
"I'm not that far gone," Jovo replied. "You folks going somewhere?"
Jenara nodded. ~We're going to sickbay. Comm Lt. Skywon and have him meet us there!~
~Understood.~
"You know, there's an observation site on Deck 14 where you can actually see the Apollo landing sites from the Virgo, Jenara said. "I think you might be interested in that."
Johnny picked up immediately. "Yeah, I should probably walk this stuff off. Let's take a little walk. Jovo's got things under control here!"
Krystina and Steve held each other's hand as they followed Kat, Johnny and Jenara out of the quarters and into the corridor. Steve could feel her hand shaking in his. He could tell she was cycling. As their eyes met, he could see her racing mind reflected there. Her eyes always seemed to show her emotions.
The all too familiar emotional upheaval had begun yet again, Krystina thought as her mind traced memory after memory and she couldn't stop it. Her thoughts came crashing in at her at break-neck speed. Only her mind couldn't decide if it was cycling up or down . . .
Kat and Jenara looked at each other again. Whatever was going on was intense. They needed to hurry. Not that they thought anything truly bad would happen, but that it would end Krystina's suffering . . . Or at least some of it . . .
The door to Sickbay slid open; Lieutenant Skywon was there. "You requested my presence?" the young Vulcan doctor stated.
"What can you do for bipolar disorder in a human female?" Jenara asked.
"Bipolar disorder in a human hasn't been observed in centuries," Skywon remarked. "As I recall, though, the treatment should be fairly simple by our standards." He consulted the ship's medical database. "Here it is. 10 cc's of depronoloamine should prove efficacious," he said as he replicated a hypospray of the drug. "If you will roll up your sleeve, Ms. Stressman..."
Krystina had to be coaxed into accepting the treatment, but ultimately she came forward and did as requested. "Your arm will feel stiff for the next few days, but that's completely normal," Skywon said as he administered the drug. "Avoid alcohol and other depressants for the next 72 hours while your brain chemistry resets. This will treat the physiological aspects of the disorder. The psychological aspects will, of course require more time. You will want to consult a counselor as soon as possible."
"I already have a therapist," she replied. "I see him next Tuesday. He's a . . . trauma specialist . . . " More memories surfaced of the abuses she had gone through not just with John, but through all her life . . .
Skywon nodded. "Very good," he said. "Now this might also caused you to become sleepy. That is also perfectly normal."
She nodded. "Okay . . . and my bi-polar disorder will actually be gone in 72 hours?" she asked with disbelief.
"It will be as if it had never existed. Just remember that this is only a beginning. There is more involved than just the pharmaceutical intervention. Stay in counseling and focus on building healthy attachments in your life. Your prognosis is excellent; yours was a relatively minor case according to my research."
She smiled, feeling the fingers of sleep working themselves through her consciousness. "I'm glad," she replied. "And I do plan on getting my life together . . . Its what I have always really wanted," she said. "Man, I'm suddenly so tired! I guess that medication works fast!"
They returned to the party for a few more minutes, but it was evident that the medication was taking its hold on Krystina. Jenara talked with Johnny briefly, then turned to her. "We'll watch the kids tonight if you'd like. You look like you could use some sleep!"
"You're probably right," Krys replied. "I hate leaving the kids, though..."
"I'll stay with them and let them know what's going on," Steve said. "I'll join you later. Get some rest!"
Krystina woke up the next morning to find Steve sleeping soundly beside her. The alien liquor had taken its toll, for sure! For the first time, though, Krystina couldn't feel the chaos that had so long pervaded her mind. Her mind felt quiet, at peace somehow. Could this be what normal feels like? she thought.
Her mind traced back through her memory and found a time where she had felt like this . . . It had been many years ago and only for a period of six months. She had been on a medication that had worked, but only for that length of time. As she thought about it, she realized that this was how she felt then . . . She was what she had wanted to be. She finally felt normal. She was almost scared to think about it. Afraid the feeling would go away. But it was wonderful. With a gentle smile to herself, she snuggled under the blanket and closer to Steve, who was always there for her. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift back to sleep.