What a Mess (Part Two of Two)

Logan had tried to scream out in pain, but the blood running down from his nose and into his mouth stopped him. He had been looking for the Doctor and when the computer had informed him that she was in the holodeck, he decided to see into the imagination of the Doctor. Having seen the carnage of dead holo-characters, it had probably not have been a good idea to come at her from behind. Slowly picking himself up from the floor, he felt his jaw and knew almost immediately that it was probably broken. Realising that verbal communication was probably a bad idea, he waved his free hand to show that he was OK.

"We should get to sickbay." Rahel suggested. "I think I've broken your jaw, but it should be easy to fix."

Slowly with the assistance of the Doctor, they made there way to Sickbay and Logan sat on the edge of one of the bio-beds whilst Rahel went to retrieve a tricorder. She opened the tricorder and started to scan Logan's jaw, puzzled at the results.

"That can't be right." She stated. "From these readings your jaw is fine, but was recently repaired. I’m reading at least three recent fractures."

"In a couple of hours, it will look as if it was never broken at all." Logan remarked, finally finding his voice.

"How is this possible, Logan ?" She asked, gazing at him curiously.

Rahel looked at Logan's face and noticed that bruising was starting to appear on his cheeks, then suddenly as if she was watching the bodies own healing process in fast forward, the bruising faded away in seconds.

"I don't understand. I've never seen anything like this before." She replied with surprise, gazing closer. "People just don't spontaneously heal this fast. What's causing this ? It's obviously something." With that she met his eyes with a questioning look.

"It's a long story, Rahel." Logan replied. "One which I must ask you never to repeat to anyone else."

"OK." Rahel said, resting her arm on the bio-bed.

"When I was working in Starfleet Intelligence, I was sent on a mission beyond the Briar patch with three other officers. Long-range probes had detected warp signatures and we had been sent to investigate. Six months later, the runabout was discovered with the autopilot set to return to Earth, with myself and our XO in stasis and seriously hurt."

"What happened?" she asked curiously and with concern.

"We'd been infected with some kind of virus that had started to attack all our internal organs." Logan replied. "From what I've read from my medical file, there was no way to repair any of them using normal methods of organ regeneration, the only thing that had kept us alive was stasis. What they needed to do was attack and destroy the virus and then work on organ regeneration."

"They obviously found a way . . ." Rahel replied, surprised it was something she hasn't heard about with her background in medical and science. "What exactly did they come up with to heal you ?" Now she was completely drawn in by her curiosity.

"They managed to use modified Borg nanoprobes, which should have identified and destroyed any infected tissue." Logan stated. "We were moved to a remote outpost where research was being carried out on recovered and captured Borg technology. Commander Pierce was the more serious of the two of us, so the Doctor's used the modified probes on him first." Logan was silent as he remembered when he had been told what had happened.

"What is it?" Rahel asked gently. "I know there's something you're holding back. I can feel it . . . "

"The probes managed to identify the virus in the damaged tissue, but in destroying it they also destroyed the surrounding tissue." Logan recounted with sadness. "The Commander never had a chance, he died three days after the probes were introduced. It took them another month to realise what had happened and once they had, I was next. The probes had been re-programmed to not only destroy the damaged tissue, but also to repair it afterwards."

"Obviously they work very well," Rahel replied. "I'm sorry you had to go through so much." She could sense his emotions as he felt them. Some so similar to her own, yet different. But emotions were emotions, no matter how they happened, she thought.

"It took the probes nearly a month to repair all the damage and afterwards they went dormant." Logan stated. "And they've been with me ever since, fighting any injuries I may sustain. I'm not indestructible and I'm no superman, but they keep me at 110%. The Doctor’s can’t even say whether they’ll one-day shutdown completely or keep me alive indefinitely."

"Starfleet Intelligence only wanted me alive so that they could find out what happened, but after a year with no recollection of what happened they allowed me to leave." Logan said. "That's when they told me exactly what they had done to me and what had happened to Commander Pierce. That's when I made the switch to Security. I thought if I had this ability, I might as well use it to its fullest."

"What about your eye ?." She asked, observing him closely.

"That was already destroyed before I was put into stasis. When they examined it more closely, they realised that someone must have removed the damaged eye and replaced it with a cybernetic implant." Logan stated. "To this day I believe that whoever put us into stasis must have also performed the surgery. Whether they were responsible for our infection, or simply wanted to help I guess we'll never know. I know Lana was glad to hear that I was still alive after six months of not knowing."

Rahel nodded. "Your sister," she said. "I know how Ash was when there was news that the Baltimore had been attacked along with the ship she was covering, the USS Toussaint L'Ouverture, in this quadrant, actually."

Images of the dead on the ship surrounding her, pierced her mind again for a moment. She took a breath and mentally shoved the memory away.

"Ash went crazy until he finally found out I was one of the lucky survivors.." She replied with a smile that wasn't really a smile. It was more of a mask that had been expected over time. Widely accepted as the truth, even by its creator for the most part. But not lately. Not now.

"Lana was much the same, since our parents were killed during the Dominion war I'm her only living relative." Logan replied, suddenly realising something.

*How could I have been so stupid ?.* He said to himself.

"All this must be difficult for you ?." Logan continued. "Being back in the Gamma quadrant."

Rahel let out a small breath and look down for a moment before her green eyes met his glance. "Things have been . . . different." She offered. "When I was sitting back on a Starbase, I couldn't wait to get back out here on a ship. Now here I am and I'm back in the Gamma quadrant." She was quiet for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. "And it's not so much the Gamma quadrant as it is seeing the dead . . ." She said quietly.

Knowing that between Juno III and First Officer Vossik brought back memories she thought she had buried.

"If Ger'Tax had tried escaping while I had been in Sickbay, I probably would have killed him and not thought twice about it." She admitted. "Is that strange for a doctor ?" She asked.

"No." Logan replied. "I probably wouldn't have thought twice about killing the Jem'Hadar either. There's no love lost between me and them. But it must be hard for a Doctor to see so much death and know that there was nothing you could do to prevent it. But you shouldn't let it get to you, Rahel, we were too late to help most of the personnel on Juno III and there was no way you could have known that Ger'Tax would have a bad reaction to the 'White'."

"But there was Vossik." Rahel stated.

"That was an unfortunate accident, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Logan reassured her. "You did all you could to save him."

Tears misted her green eyes, but they did not fall. "But it wasn't enough . . ." She said quietly. "I . . . thought I had the memories of the Baltimore safely tucked away . . . but . . . apparently I don't." She sighed. "I was in the holodeck trying to burn off some of the agitation and anxiety that have been coming up with the reoccurring nightmares . . . " She shook her head and turned away. "I shouldn't even be telling you." She added with a sigh, "Ship's Chief Medical Officer in Mental Health Crisis. That will look good, I'm sure."

"Looks like we've both got our secrets." Logan announced. "Yours are hidden deeper than mine, but I'd still not like everyone to know about my nanoprobes. For one thing, there's the medical value they have. Should anyone manage to extract them from my system, they could make a tidy profit. I'd die of course from the next injury I sustained. Apart from myself and the Doctors that treated me, you're the first to know the whole truth, not even Lana knows the truth. You'll find no evidence of my time at the outpost and my mission to the Briar patch was classified and compartmentalised. I've managed to pass off the more serious injuries I’ve sustained as minor, until now. What you need is to get all this out of your system, talk it through with a counsellor."

"You have my word, I won't tell anyone about your secret." Rahel replied. Not only did she understand what he had said about the nanoprobes value, but also she felt his urgency for her to understand. He didn't show it, but she could feel it.

"As far as *I* go . . . I don't believe we have a counsellor aboard, yet, do we ?. And really . . . except for the nightmares, I'm all right." She didn't know if she was saying that for his benefit or her own, trying to get them both to believe it. She had been so sure that she had left the Baltimore behind. Now she wasn't so sure at all. "I'm all right." She said again.

"I think you're relying on your brother for all your emotional support." Logan suggested. "He could be too close to you to really allow you to release all your pain. You're trying not to show him just how much pain you are in, which is putting a strain on you. And you're right, the nearest Counsellor is thousands of light-years away, but maybe what you need is a friendly ear. Isn't that half the job of a counsellor anyway, to listen."

She was quiet for a moment before she nodded her agreement. "Yes, that's a good part of it." She replied as she gazed at him.

"Then I'm willing to listen." Logan offered. "If you're willing to talk."

She knew he was going to make the offer, she had felt it. And yet hearing it was still stunning. For a moment, she didn't know what to say. She hadn't really talked to anyone about what happened, except for Ashraf and even their conversations about it had been limited. Most of what he knew where through her actual memories from her mind. Could she talk about it, she wondered.

She gazed into Logan's eyes. "I'll try to talk . . . I've just . . . never talked about it before. Not really."

"Not today." Logan suggested, noticing the way Rahel's body had relaxed once she'd offered to talk. "You look exhausted, Rahel, you need to get some sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow."

She nodded. Maybe this time she would get more than two hours of sleep. She needed her four hours to feel normal. "Want to meet up at the holodeck ?. If nothing else we can program a nice spot to sit." She smiled gently.

"That sounds like a good start." Logan remarked.

"Tomorrow then, same time ? I'll try not to break your jaw this time." She smirked with a hint of embarrassment.

"21:00 hours, holodeck one." Logan replied, noticing that the Doctor was slightly blushing.

He stepped off the biobed and rubbed his jaw one last time before
leaving sickbay.

Rahel stood there for a few more minutes contemplating this twist of fate. Tomorrow's meeting was sure to be interesting if nothing else. But could she talk about the Baltimore, about the horrors she had witnessed. She pushed the thought away, she wasn't going to worry about it for the rest of the evening. She was going to do what Logan suggested and try to get some sleep. Hopefully, this time, there would be no nightmares to wake her. With that last thought she headed toward her quarters.

~Are you feeling any better ?~ She felt Ash ask.

She thought about it for a moment and smiled. ~Yeah, I feel better.~