Several hours later, before he was to resume his shift on the bridge, Commander Lataro walked back into sickbay. Dana was just arriving herself. A hot drink in her hand.
"Good morning, Commander," she said quietly, so as not to wake any patients. "Back again already?"
"I just came to check and see how Jenara and the baby were doing."
Dr. Maruu smiled and checked her files as she glanced over to where Jenara slept soundly with her baby's isolet nearby.
"Well, it seems that she slept well for most of the night. Her daughter only woke up once for a feeding."
"Do you mind if I just take a look at the baby again?" Jon asked.
"Not at all, just be careful not to wake them up. Jenara needs as much rest as she can get right now."
He nodded his understanding and quietly walked toward Lt. Chee and her baby. Looking at Jenara, she seemed so peaceful from how she was the night before. As if everything was all right and Johnny was going to return to her any moment. Then he gazed at Jenara's daughter. She was a healthy nine pounds exactly and measured 19 inches long. Her hair was light brown and covered her head. She looked like a cherub with her little chubby face. She was just a little thing, though not as small as T'Lan had been, after all, T'Lan had been premature, but she needed her mother, and she needed a father. His mind churned with thoughts as different possibilities presented themselves. Something was going to have to be done, he felt. He couldn't let things be the way they were.
Jenara sighed in her sleep, which made Jon turn to gaze at her for a moment, fearing his presence had awakened her. When he noticed it hadn't, he smiled and swiftly left sickbay for his duty shift.
Benton and Lataro arrived later that afternoon as part of the investigation into the Limpopo accident.
"Jenara, as much as we hate to do this, we need to ask some questions as part of the investigation," Benton told her. "Have you noticed any changes in Johnny's behavior? Unusual mood swings, discussion of death or dissatisfication with life, irrational acts--anything out of the ordinary?"
"No, not at all! He seemed as happy as he's ever been around me! I could sense if there were something wrong with him, but I didn't pick up on anything," she answered.
"Ah, yes--you are telepathic and empathic. Still, though, it is part of procedure, I hope you understand," Benton replied, trying his best to be sympathetic.
"I understand," Jenara said, sensing Benton's frustration at not quite being able to empathize with humanoid emotions. Still, however, the Kelvan was doing better than many humans in this situation.
"Do you know of anyone who may have had held a grudge against Johnny?" Lataro asked, running interference for the somewhat flustered Benton.
"No, not really. Johnny pretty much keeps to himself He gets along well with most people, but by and large he tends to be a loner," Jenara answered, struggling to maintain composure. After all this time, nobody really knew him!
"I think that will be all for now, Jenara. There are a few more interviews I need to do, and evidence to examine from the accident, but if I need anything more from you, I'll be sure to get in touch. And congratulations once again!" Benton finished.
Benton left her quarters. She expected Commander Lataro to follow him, but he didn't. She sensed that there was something he wanted to talk to her about. There was something on his mind. Suddenly, her daughter cried.
Immediately, she went to the bassinet that was in the living area and picked her up from the midst of some light blankets. Gently, she held her baby close and the crying stopped.
"What have you named her?" he asked, drawing a little closer to the pair.
"I decided on Adrianna Dyani. Johnny and I picked out several names. There were so many we liked, but Adrianna was at the top of that list," she explained.
"And Dyani?"
"It means deer. I'm not sure from which Native American tribe its from, but I found it in one of the name files I was looking through and thought it was a good middle name. Something to always remember her daddy by."
He nodded. "Jenara, I've been doing a lot of thinking about you and the baby... Especially the baby," he said, "She's going to need a father. And since biologically she is mine... I want to take responsibility."
"You can't! What about K'Lara and T'Lan... If you tell her, I don't know if she'll understand! I don't want you ruining your life over my child. I mean, you don't even remember what happened. Can you have such a connection to her?"
He looked at her quizzically.
"I know you came to see us this morning in Sickbay," she answered. "Tiadara showed me."
He was stunned.
"I can read minds to a point," she continued, "But only after the damage is done... I can't stop you from telling K'Lara if you feel you must. After all, as you've pointed out, Adrianna is your child as well as mine, but I just didn't want your life upset over something you had no control over. Something you didn't even remember."
"May I hold her?" he asked.
"Of course," Jenara said, gently placing Adrianna in his arms.
"She's so beautiful."
"Yes, she is," she agreed.
"I want the memories then. I know you can show me what happened."
She shook her head. "You would be ridden with guilt. I can't do it... It was all part of an experiment anyway. None of us could control ourselves..."
"But why should you be the only one to bear the burden?"
"Because I wanted the knowledge," she replied, "It was worth the price to me. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know the truth."
"And what if I said it was worth it to me, as well?" he asked.
Jenara sighed. "Are you sure you can live with the guilt of being unfaithful? Even if it was beyond your control?"
He paused for a moment. He didn't know, but it was something that had happened. Something that had produced this child... His daughter...
"I want the memories."
~Tiadara, if this is too much for him to handle, can I take the memories back?~ she asked her Protector.
~It might be possible to suppress them,~ she answered, ~but it might not be completely effective.~
"All right. But I don't know if I can take them back once you have them. You have to understand that."
"I do," he replied.
Jenara, took the baby from him and gently placed her back in the bassinet. She was quiet, as if she understood something important was going on. Jenara then sat on the couch and motioned for Jon to sit next to her. As he did, she took a deep breath, grabbed one of his hands gently and closed her eyes. She focused on the memories that she had only just begun to come to terms with herself. She allowed all the memories of the abduction to drift from her mind to his. Everything from the dark room they were being held in, to when she had been shocked by the force field and knocked unconscious. To when Benton disappeared and Jon had been attacked by a beam from the ceiling. Then, when he and Jenara were together, alone... after the aliens had probed her mind. They had been flooded with pheromones that created impulses they couldn't stop. They kissed... and more.
Immediately, Jenara broke off the memories. There was nothing else to show him. Her cheeks were flaming red. She still was not totally over the incident. Though she had not been in control of her actions at that time, there was a part of her that was still ashamed of her behavior. As she took a deep breath and looked at Lataro he seemed more as if in a state of shock.
"Outside of that, the aliens took us and wiped our memories of the events, which is why you and Benton, or rather, either Benton didn't remember..."
"And this is what you've been living with since your memory was restored?"
She nodded. Trying to keep her own emotions in check. "I can try to take them back, if you'd like. I don't know if I can... But I can try..."
"No, that's okay... not yet." He got up and walked over to the bassinet and gazed down at Adrianna one more time. She was dressed in a white and pink sleeper and was staring at him as if trying to see him clearly. She was quiet. The only thing on her lips were a few little bubbles from her own mouth. Tenderly, he picked her up.
There were all kinds of emotions flooding his mind. Jenara felt that perhaps doing as he asked had been a mistake. He hadn't needed the memories. And yet, he seemed even more resolved about telling K'Lara.
"You're still going to tell her?" she asked with concern.
He nodded. "Adrianna needs a father, and I am her father."
"Would you do one thing for me first?" She asked.
"What?" he asked, staring into her green eyes.
"Please, just take a few days to think about it. Please. Don't do anything impulsively. Make sure this is what you want. No matter what, the baby and I will be fine. And you'll always be welcome to come visit either as father or uncle no matter what. But I want you to think about all the ramifications this can have for you and your family. Would you do that for me?"
He took another look at the baby and then back to Jenara. "All right, I will," he said. "I suppose I should get back to work." Tenderly, he handed the baby back to Jenara and touched her shoulder. "Thank you for the truth; no matter how difficult it is for either of us."
Jenara gave him an understanding smile and watched as he walked from her quarters.
It had been a couple of hours since her talk with Benton and Jon. After Adrianna had drifted back to sleep, Jenara had spent the time going through all the things she had acquired from her time together with Johnny. There were photos of them together. The family on Earth that had adopted her had taught her how valuable these type of mementos were. She gazed at photos from her birthday party and of their wedding day. She then accessed her journal and went through many of the entries dealing with her feelings about Johnny. And her heart ached for him even more. "Look for the bear," she whispered, as if the message had suddenly just come back to her.
"Computer, find anything about bears as it relates to the Navajo Indian Tribe from Earth."
<According to the Navajo beliefs Bears were bad omens or spirits, often associated with disease and death. They were feared.>
She sat back and sighed, then looked to her journal again. Maybe there was something there, she thought. If she kept a journal, maybe he did too.
"Computer, does Major Chee have a personal log?"
"Affirmative."
"Access it."
"Access code."
She sighed with exhaustion and just stared off. There were a thousand things she didn't know about him. How could she just guess her way through? She was not in the mood to hack into it. Then, she realized something. Maybe his message had a double meaning. Maybe the bear wasn't just meant to represent an individual. Maybe that was the code.
"Bear."
"Access Denied."
"Computer, what is the Navajo word for Bear?"
"Shash."
"All right, computer, try Shash as the password."
"Access granted."
Suddenly, Johnny's face appeared on the screen and her heart stopped. It was as if he were right there before her. Only, she could tell this was shortly after he arrived on board. He wasn't a Major yet. It hurt her to see him, but she wanted to hear his voice and if there was any chance that she was going to get to the bottom of this, she was going to do it.
"Computer, replay journal from beginning."
Instantly the image of Johnny began to move and talk. She sat there, watching and listening. Know that these were his personal thoughts. If he were still alive it was something she wouldn't have done. But now things had changed. Forever, she would keep this close to her heart as a reminder of who he was.
[I've decided to keep a personal journal of my experiences on the Virgo. Given the black marks on my record prior to my commissioning, I never thought I'd make it aboard a deep-exploration vessel. I can only be grateful for the opportunity this presents and cherish every moment. Today, I was introduced to the senior staff, of whom I am now a member. Again, a novel experience for me.
One officer in particular stands out. Lieutenant Tomme, Chief Science Officer. Something about her rests well with me: I'm not quite sure what it is, but I wouldn't want to risk anything exploring it. I sense my position here is tenuous as it is. I'm the lowest-ranking of the senior officers on a vessel which is not primarily a combat vessel. Marines have never been completely welcome in Starfleet, and I don't want to wear out my welcome here... Not that I really could; what could they do, hand me back to the Kelvans? Nonetheless, anything I wish to pursue with Ms. Tomme or any female officer aboard this ship must be dealt with carefully.]
Tears misted her eyes. In the beginning, she had never thought much about Johnny when they had first been introduced. She had been so wrapped up in her own dilemma about the baby. But she did remember giving him a second glance. She was just too confused with her own issues to bring someone else into them. Someone who might not want the issues she had to bring with her. Before lingering too long on this entry, she had the computer forward to the next entry and then the next. Then another entry caught her attention. It was only a few weeks after the first.
[The platoon is shaping up nicely, although equipment requisitions tend to be a nightmare. We still had some gear we brought over from the Ilion but most of it got trashed in the fight with the Kelvans. I've been able to forge some "informal" working relationships with certain officers, particularly Benton and Garek. The experience aboard the Ilion soured me on Kelvans, I'm afraid, but Benton seems like a decent sort. Very much a professional. I hit it off immediately with Garek, which surprises me, given my previous experiences with Betazoids. Then again, I only want equipment from Garek!!! As Chief Engineer he's able to get just about anything he needs; the quartermaster is probably wondering what Engineering is doing with crew-served weapons, but the exercise is good for his brain!
[And then there's Jenara. At least privately I've come to refer to her by her first name. I'm having to keep a careful hold on my thoughts because my research informs me that Tanzarans are powerful telepaths, and after that unfortunate experience with that Betazoid bartender back at Nueva Tijuana, I'd rather not let my thoughts get too loose! Fortunately on that count, our specialties couldn't be more opposite if we tried. She's responsible for seeking out the unknown and learning from it. I'm responsible for seeking out the unknown and killing it. Who'd have thought I'd have it bad for a scientist?! Every staff meeting I keep focusing on her, almost to the point I forget what we're talking about. That's been embarrassing more than once.]
A slight laugh escaped her as she listened. She'd caught a stray thought here and there, but had never picked up anything stronger then. Her own emotions had a lot to do with that. But to see how much he had been attracted to her to begin with just made her miss him even more. He was always a gentleman, she thought.
The next entry to grab her attention was after the Xenon III campaign. That was a turning point for their contact with one another. Even if it had started slowly.
[I've had so much work I haven't been able to keep up this journal! Unfortunately, not all of that work has been pleasant. Lots of letters home explaining to parents that their kids won't be coming home. I'm going to need the full nine-day sing when I get back. At least most of the transfers Captain Maruu let me take on are working out, and Barek is working out well as platoon sergeant. Why this guy wasn't a DI back on Mars I've got no idea!
But that doesn't make up for those who've fallen in that senseless war. I've seen the ghostland, and it has seen me. But sometimes I've learned that the ghosts don't always bring bad news. It took the ghost of my top sergeant and a damn Cardassian prison guard to tell me what my heart's been telling me all this time! She seems to be reciprocating, even initiating, but I don't know quite where I stand just yet. Somehow she seems to be hiding something, and I can't quite put my finger on it. A husband or lover at home? It's been known to happen on these long deployments. If so, I wish she'd be honest. The last thing I want to do is cuckold some poor guy back home!!]
There was so much we hadn't said to each other yet, she mused. She could see how he might have thought that. The next entry to get her attention was one that took place shortly after the salvage mission to the Kirk, and something about it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Maybe it was how Johnny appeared, or maybe it was the inflections in his voice, but something was definitely wrong. She listened carefully.
[Now I understand why Lataro's nose was so bent out of joint! Something's definitely going on around here that isn't right. If the XO doesn't know about the deployment of an entire damn Marine platoon from the ship until it actually happens somebody is trying to hide something. My bet is on Lt. Sinclair, the Intel Officer. I don't think she likes me very much at any rate, but this is exactly the sort of thing Intel would cook up! I need to keep an eye on her and start keeping better notes on what's going on. I can't afford to let anyone else know about this. I can only hope to Changing Woman that Jenara hasn't picked up any of this. I've been spending more time with her lately, and I know my thoughts are leaking! Just before that god awful shore leave I caught Private Maxon reading my thoughts; what is it about Betazoids? Nonetheless, I'm keeping this journal secure as I can. If we make it back to Earth, a tribunal will want to see this!]
Jenara sat back and looked at the image of Johnny and all the readings he had taking. He had included them as a file with his entry. There was all kinds of data there that proved that the salvage mission had actually been an illegal action. She couldn't believe she hadn't picked that up from him with all the time they had spent with each other. This was certainly something he had intended her to find in the event of his passing, but somehow he had hidden it from her while they were together. And he did it to protect her. Tears sprang to her eyes. She still couldn't believe he was gone. It didn't seem possible. But now she had an idea who was behind this.
"Computer, access Johnny Chee's meetings log and list the meetings for the day before his death."
The computer ran down a couple of names that she didn't recognize, but then Sinclair's name came up.
"What would she want with Johnny?" she thought out loud.
<Cannot comply. Insufficient data.>
"Computer, continue playing entries," she said as the wheels in her head kept turning.
After several more, another grabbed her attention.
[If I didn't know then, I know now! Perhaps I don't really need a helmet after all: my head seems thick enough! Not only do I love her, I need her! And she needs me. What happened to her is further proof that while other civilizations may be advanced that doesn't necessarily mean they're ethical. As if what happened to my people wasn't proof of that even within human civilization! We need each other both in the sense that a man needs a woman and a conspirator needs a confederate; if what's going on aboard this ship is what I think it is, we could be in a lot of trouble very shortly. The captain is not acting his usual self; I've heard this from any number of people in the lounge and in the corridors. It seemed to have happened after Xenon III. Either that campaign did something to him or something there did something to him. The other senior staff, the Lataros, Benton, Wallace, they're picking up on it, but I don't know, and I don't dare ask publicly. I'd better start running the drills harder. This could get worse before it gets any better, and outside of Jenara and the troops I brought with me I honestly don't know who to trust!]
Suddenly, a memory flashed in her mind. Commander Lataro asking her to do a voice analysis. It had been Johnny's voice and the Captain's voice. But why would they have wanted his voice verified? For the life of her, she couldn't remember what was being said. After all, it wasn't her job to listen to the words. It was her job to analyze the voices and make sure they weren't forged. But then, maybe that was the key. She had verified that it was indeed the Captain. They must have been concerned of it being forged, but why?
There was one more entry that caught her attention. It was just after her birthday. Jenara watched it intently.
[I thought she knew!!! Maybe she wasn't reading as much of my mind as I thought! I had every intention of taking care of her, and the baby once she told me what happened. But it is true; women need to hear these things, and hear them publicly. That settles it: as soon as I can, but before the baby is born, we're getting married. I don't care what it takes, it's going to happen! Seeing how Benton and Lataro reacted, though, was heartening. I know them now to be men of integrity, and men I can trust. Kalmar's one of the good guys, too. I had my doubts about him, but if we're going to make it through what may be coming up, he's going to be critical. There are enough Bajorans aboard this ship to make the word of a Prophet carry more than a little weight. I wonder if he knows anything and is just watching us to see how we handle it. The spirits do love their practical jokes!"
With that, she broke down in sobs. I knew... I just needed to know who the father of the baby was. And I needed to hear it from you. Oh, how I miss you! For several minutes, she had no control of herself. Tears just flowed unabated. Suddenly, Adrianna stirred. No doubt she had picked up on her mother's distress.
Quickly, Jenara got a hold of herself and went to her baby, picking her up and holding her close. "Everything's just fine, angel. Momma loves you. Momma's here."
As Adrianna quieted back down, with her customary bubbles on her lips, Jenara knew she had to do something about what she had found. This went beyond Section 31, she thought. Maybe even to the Captain. She had to talk to someone.
Tapping her com badge, she said, "Lt. Chee to Commander Lataro."
[Lataro here,] came the quick response.
"When you have a free moment, would you come by. I have a few questions I need to ask."
[I'll be there after my shift.]
"Acknowledged."
With that taken care of, she continued to hold Adrianna, though her mind would not quiet down.