Karissa found her way to the Starlight Inn easily. In her hand, she carried a basket covered with a kitchen towel. She pushed the door opened and walked into the establishment. She went directly to the bar and straight to Tyran.
"Hi, there, I'm a friend of Danayal's. Is he around?" she asked, as if she didn't know Tyran at all. She wanted to protect the cover she had.
"Yes, he's in the apartment in the back - through that door. And who might you be?" He asked with a friendly smile.
"I'm Karissa Bentara. I met Danayal in the park almost two weeks ago. He might have mentioned me. I'm the mother of twins."
"Oh yeah, he did. I remember you," he smiled. "Go through that door. He should be inside, in either his room or in the living room. I can't leave the bar to show you myself," He apologized.
"No problem, I think I can find my way," she smiled. She then took off toward the door. Opening it slowly, she stepped inside and closed it behind her looking around the room.
The living room was empty, but she could hear loud rock music from a room on the left side of the apartment that she knew immediately was Danayal's room.
She approached the door and knocked on it loudly, knowing he wouldn't hear her any other way. She gripped the handle of the basket more firmly as she waited.
The door slid open, and he looked surprised. "Miss Bentara?"
"I come as a friend bearing gifts," she smiled as she presented him with the basket.
Pulling off the little towel uncovered cookies from As The Cookie Crumbles, and some other goodies she had grabbed along the way. There was also another book that was similar to the Harry Potter books he'd been reading and also a disc of new rock music.
"How did you know where I was? River?" He looked surprised.
"Well, you hadn't been to the park and River did mention you were here for the time being," she replied. "She didn't get into details, but I figured it had something to do with that test you mentioned to me . . . The thing you were nervous about."
"Yeah, I can better tell you anyway, so you know who you're dealing with. I'm a recovering drug addict and I was put in a rehab program...."
She looked at him and smiled. "But you're not using now, are you?" she said. There was a gentle kindness and understanding in her dark eyes.
"No, I'm not, but I did make a mistake recently. That's why I'm locked up in here, and why I have to wear a tracker. At least until I have to show up in court. Then they'll decide what happens to me."
"When's your court date?" she asked as she walked with him back into the front room. She took a seat on the couch and motioned for the basket. Inside, were also several napkins. She laid two out on the table like plates.
"This day, in three weeks. At least I can go out next week - that is if someone goes with me. I'm not allowed to go out on my own."
Karissa smiled. "Well, if you'd like to go to the park I'm sure I can work something out. I don't mind taking you . . . I'm sure the twins wouldn't mind either." She pulled out a couple of cookies each and motioned for him to eat. "I got these from As The Cookie Crumbles. These are some of my favorites."
"And of mine. You had those on the day of the picnic." He still was not very hungry, but he did take a few cookies, unable to resist them. "I'm impolite. where are my manners? Can I offer you a drink?"
"I could use a cup of warm tea . . ." she replied.
"I'll get you one; Herbal tea or Earl Grey?"
"I prefer herbal," she smiled. "It interferes less with my ability to relax." She smiled.
He returned her smile and walked to the kitchen. She could hear him fill a kettle with water, since he had to make the tea the old-fashioned way. There was no other choice, since he had no access to the replicators.
Karissa got up and followed him. "It's nice to have some homemade tea," she said as she heard the kettle start to make noise as the water began to simmer.
"Yeah, not that I have any choice. I can't access any of the replicators here."
She nodded. "But sometimes there's more satisfaction with doing it the old-fashioned way . . . Have you ever made cookies or bread from scratch?" she asked.
"Yeah, I did. Its fun to do and I have to cook here when Tyran's working the late shift. Tonight we're having chicken wings, vegetables and rice with curry sauce."
"Mmmmm," she smiled. "That sounds great! I enjoy cooking too. It's a way to relax and refocus my mind . . . But anything you enjoy doing can do that for you . . I also like to light candles in my bedroom, then turn off the lights . . . put on some background noise like a waterfall and just let my mind daydream. It works on particularly stressful days . . . Days where sometimes I wonder how I'll get through it . . ."
"I just keep wondering why I was so stupid. Why didn't I think that one joint of pot would be visible in my blood and urine tests." He sighs and prepared two cups of teas.
"You were thinking in the moment," she replied knowingly. "You weren't thinking of the consequences."
"Yeah, and now I'm suffering because of that. I'm pestered constantly. Dom will test me again and again; he complains that I don't eat enough... But I do!"
Karissa raised her eyebrow as she looked over his body. "Speaking as a mother, you are too thin," she replied. "But, speaking as your friend, I can also supply you with several batches of cookies from As The Cookie Crumbles if you'd like." Her smile was warm and her eyes sparkled at the delight of doing something that probably was a little naughty for him. But not anything that would get either of them in trouble.
"Tyran doesn't want me to eat too much candy and cookies and such. But I love them..." He said sighing.
She laughed softly. "Then I'll see what I can do. Do you like carrot cake?"
"No, but I love apple pie, and cheesecake..." He grinned.
"That gives me a few ideas then," she winked, taking her cup of tea and going back to the couch and the cookies. "So tell me, how have you been since the last time I saw you? I mean, apart from the obvious that we've already talked about."
"Fine, I guess. Angry, depressed... I just don't know what to feel." He swallowed hard. "I fight with Tyran, and I don't want to. Yet it happens. I feel closed in here; locked away from life."
"It's not surprising you'd feel that way," she replied. "You know, there's something I've used for myself often over the last two years and trust me, I have had to deal with some very deep, dark depression . . . I think it might help you . . . It's going to sound silly, but it can work. Whenever you start feeling depressed just say to yourself This too shall pass. Because you know what? Depression only feels like it lasts forever . . . But it never really does."
"I tried that, but it doesn't work. You know, you sound like that counselor they made me go to, when I was 12..."
She laughed. "Well, I was hoping something that I used might help," she said as she grabbed a cookie. "But the anger is what concerns me more. Do you have any way of channeling it in the house? I mean, is there any kind of activity you can do here at all?"
"No, not really. and I yell at Tyran a lot," Danayal said softly. "Sometimes I throw things at him that are in my reach."
"Have you ever tried Martial Arts or a punching bag?" she said. "I've practiced Martial arts for years and it helps with anger a lot . . "
"I hate sports, except swimming. I really suck at everything else."
She smiled. "Well the thing about Martial Arts is that it focuses your mind and it allows the body to follow. What matters in the end is how centered you feel . . ." She paused for a moment. "Danayal, I want to share something with you because . . . well, I want you to understand that you're not the only one to feel depressed and angry . . . That I've felt this before too . . . Two and half years ago, what I thought was my life was ripped from me . . .
"I wasn't who I thought I was. It turned out that I hadn't been created in the normal sense of the word. I hadn't really been born from my mother . . In fact, biologically; I don't think I have a mother. . . I learned that I was genetically engineered in a lab . . . That I had been nothing more than someone's experiment and if that weren't enough, they had made a failsafe in me that if I got pregnant my body would shut down . . . I almost died, taking the twins with me . . . I was so angry . . . I wanted to find the people that had done this to me and kill them . . . Right down to the very last one responsible . .
"What helped me through, were all the people who had loved me, not for what I thought I was, but what I really was to them . . . Then . . . as if that wasn't hard enough, almost two months after the twins were born, I lost the man I was in love with. He was the closest thing to a soul mate I've ever had . . . He was the love of my life . . . And I watched him die before my eyes . . I thought the pain alone would kill me . . . But eventually, over time, I started to live again. Now, I know that was a lot to take in, but I did want you to understand just where I'm coming from and why I want to be here for you."
"You say someone created you; that you don't have a mother. But your genes and DNA come from somewhere. Maybe you have more than one mother and more than one father, and they're all responsible for your existence..." He said, giving her a very different look on herself.
Karissa smiled. "You could be right," she replied. "But I might never know . . I . . . Promised the man I loved that I wouldn't go after these people. By not doing so, I guess I'll never know the truth . . . But I'll be alive," she said.
"And you need to be, for the twins, and for your friends. For me . I do consider you a friend."
Her smile brightened. "And I consider you one of my friends too . . But I can tell you, there are some days those feelings come back up for me and I start doubting who I am . . . and it's people like you who remind me that I'm more that what I was meant to be."
He nodded. Suddenly he heard the back door and his mood dipped down dramatically. He knew it was Dominic, since the doctor had the key code for the door.
Because of the shift in his mood, Danayal suddenly felt he didn't want to be tested. His body stiffened at the thought. The mood swings were showing themselves - the ones that often scared Tyran.
"It's all right," Karissa said softly. "I can see its Dr. Sebastian, right? I know him in passing . . . There's nothing wrong with your blood or urine now, right?"
"I don't want this!" He growled angrily. When these moods of his kicked in, he wouldn't listen to reason; not from anyone.
Karissa could sense his anger. "Danayal . . . Danayal . . ." she said trying to get his attention. "It's not Dr. Sebastian's fault. The courts have ordered this . . . right? And if you try to avoid it, it'll look bad . . After all, you have nothing to hide now."
She hoped to god she wouldn't have to restrain him . . . that somehow she was reaching a part of him that would not react with his anger toward Dominic. She wasn't even worried about herself. She knew she could restrain him easily, but she didn't want to have to . . . She wanted their friendship to keep growing and if she had to stop him from doing something in anger to keep him from hurting someone else or himself, she would; though it would cost her this tentative bond. But she didn't want things to be this way . . . Not when they didn't have to be . . . Not when she could work with him . . . Though seeing his anger and feeling it, she knew she'd have to suggest medications to Dominic once she had a free moment . . . At least to temper them a bit.
When Dominic entered, he could see Danayal was on the verge of one of his temper tantrums as Tyran called them. His eyes were flaming with rage, as he stared angrily at Dominic. "I don't want you here! Leave!" He yelled angry.
"You know I can't do that, Danayal," he said calmly. "I see you have another visitor . . ."
"Yes, hello," Karissa replied. "You're Dr. Dominic Sebastian?" she asked.
He nodded. "Yes, that would be me. I've got to give Danny here a few tests; nothing that should take too long. Right, Danayal?
Danayal was too angry to even listen. "Back off, I don't need those tests! I'm warning you, if you touch me, I... I... I'll kill you! That's what I'll do!"
Karissa grabbed Danayal and turned him to face her. "What are you hoping to accomplish?" she asked, concern in her dark eyes. "Think, Danayal . . . What are you trying to do? Get in or out of trouble?"
"Back off!" He struggled against her; the look in his eyes was angry, filled with hate. But something was holding him captive... her eyes... "Leave me alone! All of you!!!"
"I can't do that, Danayal . . . I care too much to let this rage take you over . . ." Karissa said, unwilling to move away. "I know deep down you don't want this . . . You don't want to hurt anyone . . . You don't want to be angry . ."
She could feel his body was tensing up, but that the look in his eyes was getting calmer. She seemed able to reach his feelings inside, and for some reason it made him start to calm down...
She smiled gently and took one of his hands in her own tentatively. "Everything's going to be all right, Danayal. You're not alone anymore . . and even if I have to come here every day, I'm going to remind you that you're more than you think you are . . . That you deserve more from yourself than this . . . I promise you, I will be here for you."
He inhaled sharply. He was still not completely calm, but he would no longer push those around him away. That much she could feel from him...
"Is it all right for the doctor to perform his tests now?" she asked gently, her eyes never leaving his . . . They were filled with warmth and caring.
"Yeah," He said, sighing deeply. He felt a headache, like he often did after getting that angry.
Dominic had never lost his smile, but he did let out a breath of relief. "Let's see how quick we can make it, shall we?" Dominic said, quickly prepping the equipment he needed. Within five minutes the tests were completed.
"All clear," Dominic announced with a smile. "I'm sure everyone will be glad to hear that . . ."
Karissa smiled.
"I am for one." Danayal still looked unsettled. What always followed after his anger was depression, compounded by fears of being unwanted, and feeling insecure...
"Well, I'll go and file the report," Dominic said. "It was good to meet you . ." He feigned that he had forgotten her name.
"Karissa . . . Karissa Bentara," she replied extending her hand.
Dominic took it. "Good to meet you . . . Look after him, would you?"
Karissa laughed. "I'll do my best," she said as she watched Dominic leave.
As soon as the doctor was out the door, she turned her attention back to Danayal.
"Are you all right?" she asked gently.
"I don't know. I have a headache. I feel down... I want to be alone."
She sat down beside him. "You know . . . why don't you let me stay long enough to get you something for the headache . . . Once I'm sure it's gone, if you still want me to leave, I will . . ."
"I just want to sleep... I couldn't sleep last night..nightmares. please, leave me alone." He went to his room, and closed the door.
She sighed. She still went to Tyran, got a couple of pain relievers and went back to Danayal's room. With the pills and a glass of water in hand, she entered his room quietly, seeing him on the bed. "I'll be gone in just a moment," she began, "But I wanted to make sure, in case you changed your mind, you had something to get rid of the headache . . ." She put the items on his bedside table. "I hope you sleep better tonight . . ."
He sat up and took the pills; he swallowed them with the water. "Thanks. I think I'll try to sleep... Sorry that I got angry." He lay down once again and closes his eyes.
"It's all right," she said gently. "Let me know when you can go to the park . ."
With that she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Sensing that he was lapsing into sleep, she went back out into the bar to find Dominic and Tyran there . . . waiting for her.
"Hello, guys," she said with a smile.
"How is he? He got angry again, I heard." Tyran looked at Sarah. "Watch the place a moment. We have something to discuss."
She nodded and Tyran dragged them to a quiet corner where they sat down.
"Yes, he got angry again," she confirmed. "He's got a lot of pent-up rage . . Not surprising with his background."
"Well, you're the first person I've seen who can reason with him when he's like that . . ." Dominic replied.
"It's all part of being a counselor and an empath . . . But I need to suggest some medications before the rages get out of control," she said. "I think he'll really benefit from some pharmaceutical therapy."
"He can get rather violent yes, and he's always sorry when it's over. But when he's in the moment itself." Tyran shook his head. "Sometimes he really scares the shit out of me."
Karissa nodded with understanding, picking up the memories that surfaced within him. "Give Danayal 125 mg of Samictal and I think that should also be tempered with 150 mgs of Imandrapine once a day, preferably at night. Can you handle the prescription?" she asked Dominic.
"Of course," he replied.
"And you can make sure he takes the medication?" she asked Tyran.
"Yeah, but it's better if Dom tells him he needs to take them. He won't be so willing to take them otherwise, since he's not sick. He'll want reasons why," Tyran said. "What exactly do those pills do anyway?"
"They'll help him level his moods, and temper his anger . . ." she replied. "They'll also help with his depression . . . which also feeds into the angry, by the way."
"Yeah. well I think Dominic should tell him why he's getting the medications. He won't take my word for it, or yours, Karissa, because we're not medics in his opinion. Dom is."
"That's what I figured would happen," she replied. "Anyway, Dominic, you have my med recommendations. I will leave it in your capable hands. I'll be back again to see how he's doing and talk to him some more . . . Anyway, I would stay longer, but I have to get home . . . The twins . . . " She smiled.
"I understand. Dom can handle him. knowing Danayal he'll be awake in an hour or so."
He let Karissa out as Dominic left to visit other patients of his. But he'd be back the next day to handle the medications with Danayal and Tyran, both.
Tyran knew that would be interesting, at least in his eyes... He wondered how Danayal would respond. With a sigh he went back to work.
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