After dinner, Tara and Jayson had gone through their usual routine to get Zoe to bed. But even the little girl seemed to sense something was wrong with her mother. But Tara had merely gotten her ready for bed as usual and didn't answer any of her little girl's poignant questions. Tara knew Zoe was too smart for her own good.
Jayson read Zoe her bedtime story, Tara got her a sip of water and together, with the night light on, they left the room.
Tara had just sat down on the soft couch with a hot cup of tea as Jayson took the seat beside her. She knew what was coming, but calmly just sipped her strawberry tea.
"So what happened today?" he asked her. "We're home. I'm assuming you can tell me about it here?"
She sighed and held the cup in both her hands as if trying to warm them from a sudden drop in temperature. For a moment, she couldn't even meet his eyes.
"Have you ever done anything that goes against everything you believed to be true?" she asked.
"You said something similar at the Department. What is this about?" he asked.
Again, she turned her green eyes away. This was the one thing she had never completely come to terms with. She had made strides in accepting it, and yet she had for one day turned into a murderer. To protect lives, but she had still become a murderer. She didn't know how Jayson would take it. After all, he'd been in Security most of his career. Of course, she had been a police officer for most of hers. Deep in her heart, she knew he'd understand, but the fear of his response was still strong.
"I murdered someone," she replied softly. She quickly took another sip of her tea.
"You've spent your whole career in law enforcement in one fashion or another . . . and killing people in the line of duty is part of the job when necessary," he replied trying to comfort her, taking a hand in his.
Finally she met his gaze. "No, this wasn't during duty," she said, swallowing the lump that was developing in her throat.
"I don't understand."
She paused for only a moment. "It took place toward the end of my time on Earth - well, within the last few months," she began, before launching into the memory she had so vividly relived earlier that day.
As she told him of pulling the trigger on Colin Grey, there was a pain in her eyes that he couldn't miss. "You didn't want to do that," he replied.
"No, I didn't," she replied, fighting tears that threatened to fall. "I merely had no choices left . . . The memory erasure didn't take."
"Like Ryan's?" he asked.
She nodded. "Similar . . . Colin Grey was unique among humans. He hadn't required a CVI to be loyal. His first loyalty had always been to Zo'or . . It was his unique brain chemistry that didn't allow the erasure to take. In Ryan's case, I believe it was the time and dimension jump we made . . . I'm not sure how it happened, but it was enough to allow the old memories to surface."
"And if you hadn't done what you did?" he asked.
"Colin would have reported to Zo'or about those in the Liberation Movement who were working as Double Agents within the Companion Protectors and also those working for the Ta'az since the two groups eventually worked together . . Zo'or would have had us all killed . . ."
"Your friends and yourself?"
She nodded. "Grace, Grace's baby, Jennifer, James . . . Probably even Ron . . Of course, for Ron and I he would have tortured us. Zo'or was not above that . . and the Taelons had effective ways of torture."
Jayson gazed at her with stunned surprise. This was something she had never told him before. "They tortured people?"
"Well, Ta'al never did . . . Na'ar never did to my knowledge. But I do know Zo'or did . . ." she replied. "He actually enjoyed it."
"And he would have tortured you?"
"Yes, and taken Zoe from me . . . He wanted her for some reason, though I never found out what . . ."
The haunted look still hadn't left her eyes. Immediately, he took her tea, set it on the table and pulled her into his arms. "The important thing is you're here now. You and Zoe are both safe."
"And Colin Grey?" she asked.
Jayson thought about everything she'd said over and over, but seemed to come to the same conclusion each time. "You did what you needed to do, Tara . . You lived in very different times than we do here; maybe not so different, but different enough where some rules had to be broken for your survival and the survival of others . . . If I were in your position, I might well have done the same."
"Sometimes doing what needs to be done means going against what we have always believed to be true," she said thoughtfully.
"Exactly," he replied. "Is that a quote?"
"Sort of," she said with a tender smile. "It was something James had said to me a week after that incident."
"He was a wise man," Jayson said, "And a good friend to you."
She nodded. "That he was . . ." Suddenly, she kissed him tenderly before melting into his embrace once again. "I'm just glad you understand."
"Tara, I know you and your heart . . . How could I not understand?" he asked.
With that, he held her closer, letting her know that he loved her, and that nothing could possibly change that.
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