The Weight of Guilt : Part Two of Two

A shuttle broke out of inter-dimensional near the Whitney's home and landed softly. As the virtual glass shielding deactivated, a man stepped from the shuttle. As he walked toward the house, the shuttle took off and disappeared the way it had come. Taking a breath, and straightening his jacket, he continued to the door. As he reached the door, he seemed nervous, as memories resurfaced of the man he had kidnapped for the Taelons. But pushing the memories away, he brought himself to knock on the door. Within moments, an older woman answered. She seemed friendly.

"Hello . . ." she said.

"Hello, yes, I'm Ron Sandoval" he replied, "I am looking for Tara Carmichael. I work with her."

Andrea nodded with understanding. She knew who he was; the other man in Tara's life. “Well, she took off to the waterfall about an hour ago. If you want you can follow that trail over there and it will take you to it . . ."

"Thank you," he replied with a slight bow of his head.

As he turned to head toward the woods, Andrea stopped him.

"Why don't you join us for dinner tonight . . ."

"That's a very gracious offer, but - "

Andrea smiled gently. "Anyone who is part of Tara's life is apart of ours."

With a bewildered look on his face, he continued to think about the response he had received. He had expected coldness, since his presence was usually greeted as such. He could see why Tara thought of this place as a safe haven from the world.

"Very well," he replied.

"Good," she smiled. "We'll see both of you later then . . ."

As the door shut, he continued to the woods and to Tara.

"Who was that?" Grace asked, as she sat in the kitchen helping out with getting the fresh peas ready for dinner that evening and slicing strawberries for the dessert.

"Oh, just someone to see Tara," Andrea replied, with a soft smile.

Thinking it was Ryan, Grace changed the subject.

As Ron caught site of Tara, pain coursed through him. She was in her under clothes, wet, lying on the banks of the pond near the waterfall sobbing. He knew things had been difficult for her. On their frequent talks, he had learned more and more about her, and the fact that she had been involved with someone else. But their feelings for each other went beyond what either of them understood. And his heart ached at seeing her so upset. He went to her, knelt down and placed a hand on her shoulder. Instantly, she turned and looked at him and forced a smile as she wiped away her tears.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, with her recent tears still shining in her eyes, but with a genuine smile on her face.

"I missed you," he replied. "I had to see your face and touch you . . ."

Gently, he caressed her face and she allowed herself to get lost in the loving gesture. Tenderly, she kissed his hand as it neared her lips.

"I've missed you, too . . ."

Sitting down he took her in his arms, comforting not only Tara, but himself. What would he do if he lost her? Could he ever return to that lonely existence he had before he allowed her into his life like a breath of fresh air?

Tara felt his emotions and thoughts as if they were her own. She couldn't send him back to that loneliness . . . Not ever . . . Her heart wouldn't allow it.

Andrea had roasted a large chicken for dinner accompanied by fresh peas, mashed potatoes, and fresh hot biscuits. For dessert there would be strawberry shortcake and coffee or milk. Grace smelled the biscuits cooking and she thought that she wouldn't be able to stand it. Finally she grabbed a few strawberries and spooned a small bit of the cool whip onto them.

"Dinner will be ready shortly." Andrea said, smiling. She watched Grace through knowing eyes. Grace smiled at her sheepishly.

"I just had to have something. I am so hungry tonight." she said as she bit into a strawberry.

"I understand that. Just save a little room for dinner."

"Speaking of which, who was that you invited to stay for dinner? Ryan MacLeod?" Grace asked. She had finished off the strawberries and whipped cream and was now drinking a little milk.

"No, it wasn't Ryan." Andrea answered.

"Then who?" Grace asked as the realization hit her.

"He said that his name was-"

"Ronald Sandoval!" Grace finished for her. The taste in her mouth went sour all of a sudden.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Andrea asked.

"What is he doing here?" Grace said with a moan.

"Grace, I don't understand what's wrong. He seemed nice enough." she replied.

*Yeah for a wolf in sheep's clothing!* she thought. But before she could reply Grace heard the door open and she heard the sound of Samuel's voice locked into conversation with Sandoval's. . . .

Tara could feel Ron's discomfort as soon as Samuel greeted them. It wasn't difficult for her to figure out what had caused it. After all, she had helped rescue Arthur and knew who had been the one responsible for carrying out the Synod's orders . . . But she desperately wanted him to feel at home here, just like she did. That this place could be a safe haven for the both of them . . . Samuel and Andrea weren't privy to all the details about what had happened to Arthur, but Tara knew that if she explained the fact that his MI had broken down, they wouldn't hold his past actions against him. They weren't those type of people. They were kind and forgiving . . . even after their son's death. It was what made them who they were . . .

"Why don't I show you around the house," Tara said, squeezing Ron's hand tenderly.

"All right," he replied.

As Tara guided him out of the front room, she could feel Ron relax as they left Samuel there. As they made their way out to the back of the house, Tara led him to an old, sturdy swing set. Tara sat in one swing while Sandoval, looking around for a moment, finally took the other.

"I know you're uncomfortable here," she said, "But it does touch me that you came all the way up here to see me . . ."

"Zo'or thinks I'm on some lead to track down a Liberation spy . . ." he replied. "He doesn't know I came here . . . to see you . . ."

She sighed and smiled. "I just wish that you could allow yourself to just BE while you're here . . . No one here will expose your true self . . ."

"It's not that simple," he tried to explain.

She could feel the regret and remorse rising in him and she gently took his hand and held it to her lips for comfort.

"You don't know what I've done to them . . . What I've taken from them . . ." he said.

"You mean, Grace's husband, their son?" she replied.

A look of surprise crossed his face, the pain so evident in his eyes, and fear of what she might think.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"The same way I feel your heart . . ." she replied. "You can trust me . . . and you can trust them . . .”

Slowly, he leaned toward her and caressed her cheek, then kissed her tenderly. Tara's heart melted and she lost herself in the feelings of love that passed between them.

Grace stared into Sandoval's eyes and she felt nothing but hatred towards him; she felt outraged at his invasion of her sanctuary. Instantly both of them assumed their cold masks, as the warmth that had been in Sandoval's eyes only seconds before vanished. Before Grace could say the decidedly rude thing she was thinking to him, Tara reached out to take Ron's hand and he immediately became distracted. He looked at Tara and his eyes became so soft. . . .

At that moment Andrea chose to make her entrance carrying a basket full of piping hot biscuits. She sat them down on the table. As she looked around the room, she felt the tension.

"Dinner is served." she said.

Grace found a place sitting between Andrea and Samuel, unwilling to go anywhere near Sandoval if she could help it. Andrea noted her hostility but decided on saying anything against it. . .

"So, Mr. Sandoval, would you mind telling me where I have seen your face before?"

"Excuse me for a moment." Grace said during dessert. During most of the dinner she had kept her mouth shut, knowing once she opened it she'd say something that would be rude or hurtful. Moments before, Sandoval had excused himself, asking for directions to the bathroom from Tara before he quietly left.

Grace had every intention of avoiding the end of the house where the bathroom was located that Tara had directed Ron to. She went to another part of the house that passed a room that Samuel used as a study. As she passed the study, she saw Sandoval standing in there, looking at something on the wall. . . .

Grace quietly made her way up to the door. He was staring up at a picture, a portrait of Arthur. It was a beautiful oil painting of Arthur that Samuel had had made when Arthur had graduated from medical school. Grace watched him for a moment, about to speak out when she watched him as he reached up and wiped away tears from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry. . . ." she heard him murmur.

Stunned at this display of remorse, Grace backed away from the door. She had NEVER seen this kind of emotion from him.  Suddenly she remembered something about what Will had told her about the time he had lost his CVI. The man underneath the CVI was only concerned for his wife and had shown her such devotion and tenderness . . .

The man underneath the CVI. . . .

Confused as she ever was, Grace continued to make her way down the hall towards the bathroom as Sandoval emerged from the room to see her retreating form. . . .

Tara felt a shift in her mind. Something had happened. As she took another bite of her strawberry shortcake, she gazed around the room. Andrea and Samuel were talking among themselves quietly. She stood up with a smile.

"Excuse me for a moment. I'll be back . . ." she said, leaving the table.

Andrea and Samuel looked puzzled as they realized they were at the table alone.

As Tara wandered down the hallway, she spotted Ron standing alone in front of the study. His eyes were red. She instantly knew he had been crying. Swiftly, she went to him and took him in her arms. He buried her head in her shoulder and she cradled him with all the love she could give.

"What did I do, Tara?" he asked, pulling away to look into her eyes.

From further down the hall Tara glanced Grace listening. But this time, Tara sensed that she wasn't listening to fuel her hatred . . . she had suddenly saw something in him for herself that had touched her; something that made him a real person to her. Tenderly, she held his face and kissed him. As they walked by, Grace’s eyes met with Sandoval's.

For the first time, he looked at her, his guard down, his mask gone and whispered, "I'm sorry for the pain I have caused you . . ."

Tara then continued to lead him out the door. Once out among the coolness of the evening, she let all the tension she had felt melt away. They walked farther into the grassy backyard toward an old barn. It was no longer really used for animal. But it was a good place to be alone. Once inside, they found a mound of hay and laid down together still holding and comforting each other.

"I wish that I wouldn't have been so gullible when the Taelons arrived," Ron confided. "So much would have been spared in my life . . . In others lives…"

"I know," Tara replied. "Because of who we are suppose to be, we have to play some kind of twisted role . . ."

"But you haven't done what I have, Tara," he continued, tracing her face with his fingers, relishing her every feature.  "I can feel that in you . . . I always felt that in you . . . That you had a goodness that the Taelons couldn't touch . . ."

She sighed and cuddled into his arms further. His hand gently travelled down to her abdomen where Tara's child was growing . . . his child perhaps.

"I hope this child gets your compassion and goodness . . . She'll be much better off taking after you."

Tara shook her head. "You forget that what you have done was not YOU doing it . . . This is the real you. You love, have compassion, you feel regret, remorse . . . If you had none of these things, then I would be inclined to believe you . . . But you have everything . . . including a living, beating, loving heart . . ."

Determined to show him his worth to her, she kissed him. He returned the loving gesture eagerly. They decided together that the barn wouldn't be a bad place to spend the night.

*"I'm sorry for the pain I have caused you . . ."*

Grace watched them go as Sandoval's words replayed in her mind. His words, and what's more, his eyes haunted her. For the first time since she had met him, she had seen a glimpse of the REAL man that lay underneath the CVI and the Implant façade he was forced to maintain every day around Zo'or in order to survive. For the first time, she knew about what Will had been talking about when he had told her about the Ronald Sandoval he had encountered when Sandoval's CVI had burned out originally.

*"I'm sorry for the pain I have caused you . . ."*

He was just as human as she was. He was also being forced to maintain a façade that was not who he really was; just like she was. For the first time she since had known him, Grace was able to see Sandoval in a different light.

He was as much a victim of the Taelons as all those who had died under their hands. . . .

Tears slipped from Grace's eyes as she continued on to her bedroom. Her remaining appetite was gone. She lay on the bed, clutching the pillow as she did so and her tears just flowed.

"God, how could I have been so blind? How could I have allowed my hatred of the Taelons be focused on someone who could not control their own actions? How?" she murmured. She cried until she fell asleep. Andrea had long ago become concerned when no one returned to the dinner table and had gone in search of Grace, Tara, and their guest.

She found Grace asleep on top of the covers of her bed, fully dressed.

"Poor dear." Andrea muttered as she sought to remove Grace's shoes from her feet without waking her. After she removed the tennis shoes, she wrapped Grace in a blanket and closed the door behind herself. She went to find Samuel and see if he had seen Tara or their other guest since their mysterious disappearance at dessert. . . .

Samuel wandered into the backyard which was the direction he’d seen Tara go. As his eyes spied the barn, a smile touched his face. Quietly, he made his way to the barn and to a window. From the light shining down from the full moon, he could see Tara and Sandoval in each other's arms, their bodies hidden in the shadows, but the look on their faces said it all. He sighed with a nodded and continued back to the house.

As soon as he entered, Andrea met him.

"Did you find them?" she asked.

A chuckled escaped him and he nodded. "Yeah . . ." he replied, "I found them."

With that knowing glance, she smiled. "The barn?" she asked.

He nodded again. "I don't think we'll be seeing Tara and Mr. Sandoval until breakfast," he smirked.

They both chuckled to each other as Samuel placed his arm around his wife.

"I love you, you know . . ." he said, and kissed her.

The next morning, as the golden rays of sunlight hit Tara's face, she slowly came awake. Her stomach churned, but she was able to quell the feeling. Her cheek rested on Ron's chest and she could hear his heart beating. Suddenly, he was caressing her back. She rose up on her elbow to look into his face.

"Good morning," she greeted with a smile.

He returned her smile. "Good morning," he replied, leaning forward to kiss her. "How did you sleep?"

"Very well," she replied. "And you?"

"Something tells me that you already know . . ." he answered with his smile growing just a touch.

Tara sighed and rested her head on his chest once more unwilling to give up the moment, but she knew that sooner or later they would have to rise and dress. However, she was going to delay it until she couldn't any longer . . . He seemed to agree as he continued to caress her.

Grace awakened early the next morning before everyone was up except Andrea. She dressed before heading down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Andrea was just getting breakfast started when she entered the kitchen.

"Good morning!" she said.

"Good morning." Grace said, pouring some coffee. A moment of silence passed before Grace spoke. "I am going into the city this morning. I want some time alone." she said.

"You're going to Toronto? Don't you want breakfast first?" Andrea asked.

"No, I want to go before anyone else wakes up. Would you give Tara a message for me?"

"Of course, honey."

"Will you ask her to meet me in Toronto at Miller's Bookstore this afternoon at 12:30? Do you think that Samuel will mind driving her there?" Grace asked.

"I'll bring her if need be."

"Good. Tell her that I have a perfect Italian restaurant in mind if she'll come meet me for lunch." Grace said.

"Okay, honey. You can take my car if you want." Andrea said

"Thank you."

With that, Grace left. . . .

When Tara and Ron finally exited the barn, they were arm in arm. But before they entered the house, he stopped her and looked into her eyes.

"When I first got here, I saw you crying at that pond . . ." he said, "Would you tell me what's bothering you?"

She looked at him. "I . . . I . . . This baby that I am carrying is . . . going to cause either you or Ryan pain . . . and . . . I . . ." Suddenly tears sprang to her eyes again.

Instantly, he took her in his arms and caressed her.

"Don't worry about causing me pain . . ." he said, "You have given me so much these last few weeks . . . that nothing will ever hurt me . . . Whether or not that child is mine, I will love it for being yours . . ."

Tara 's demeanour softened once more and she smiled. "I really love you, you know . . ."

"And I love you . . ." he replied.

Once in the kitchen, Tara poured them both cups of coffee and they sat down at the counter. It was a beautiful day, they both thought, though they also knew he had to leave. If he spent too much time away from Zo'or, suspicions would be aroused and he wasn't going to place them in danger.

Andrea walked in smiling. "How was your evening?" she asked.

A light blush crossed Tara's face and Ron smiled.

"It was very . . . pleasant . . ." he chuckled.

"Would you care for some breakfast? I made some fresh muffins . . . blueberry."

"That sounds wonderful . . ." Tara replied, getting up to grab plates and butter.

"I want to thank you for your hospitality," he said. "And I regret anything that I might have done to hurt you."

Andrea gave him a puzzled look. "Will you be leaving us today?"

"I have to," he replied, taking Tara's hand. "I don't have a choice . . ."

After breakfast, he put the call into his pilot and he made ready to leave. Andrea could tell that Tara didn't want him to go. As the shuttle came out of ID, Sandoval hugged Tara quickly before the pilot could see.

"I'll see you upon your return . . ." he said.

As he left, Tara's heart broke.

"By the way," Andrea said as they headed toward the house, “Grace would like you to meet her in town today for lunch . . . She says she has a great Italian restaurant in mind."

Tara nodded. The distraction would be nice.

Grace stood outside of Miller's Bookstore, waiting for Samuel and Tara to arrive. She glanced at her watch again and saw that it was almost 12:30pm.  She was so nervous. While she waited, Grace's CVI replayed the previous night before in her mind. She saw Sandoval differently now . . . Slowly her hatred was melting away . . . At that moment, she saw Samuel's truck pull up to the curb. Tara got out as Samuel winked at his daughter- in-law.

"Hello, there," Tara greeted. She was trying hard to be happy and greeted her friend with a smile. But she was already missing Ron.

"Come on. The Restaurant is down the street. You don't mind the walk, do you?" Grace asked.

Tara shook her head no.

Grace began walking slowly so that they could talk as they went.

" Tara, I wish I knew how to begin this," Grace said.

"Begin what?" Tara asked; her curiosity peaked. But her intuition told her it was about Ronald Sandoval.

"I've been acting stupid these last few days."

"No . . ." Tara replied, "Not stupid . . . In fact, you’ve responded very normally . . . Most of us have to have someone to blame for things that hurt us, and we usually pick the most convenient target," she continued, "I'm just sorry that I hurt you by showing you Ron's emotions . . ."

"I wasn't hurt by them. I just didn't want to accept the fact that the man I saw as one of my husband's cold blooded murderers could feel such emotions as he does. I wanted to him to be like James Pike or some other cold serial murderer. But it was when I looked into his eyes last night . . . the truth stared into my eyes and I saw not a man like James Pike, but someone who was a human being like myself. I saw for the first time, a man who wasn't my enemy, but as someone to be pitied for all the guilt he's carrying around on his shoulders. His eyes are haunting me, even now . . ." Grace's voice broke as she spoke.

Tears misted Tara's eyes and she smiled. "I know . . . Under that cold facade he is more human than you can possibly imagine," she replied, "And I wish that I could take that guilt away . . . But all I can do is love him . . . Now, you understand a little of what I have been feeling . . ."

"It may take some time, but I think I will eventually be able to see him as you do."

"Even just this small glimmer of understanding is enough for me," she said, placing her hand gently on Grace's shoulder. For now, the matter was settled.

In moments they reached the restaurant. Grace could smell the food from the door.

"Come on! I feel like a nice big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs."

"Hmmmm, cheese ravioli sounds better!" Tara replied, following Grace inside.

The following week proved to be uneventful. Grace and Tara were truly able to rest without any unexpected surprises. Paul brought Monica and the baby over to see the girls, but other than that, there were no visitors before the morning that Ryan came to pick them up and take them home.

As the shuttle came out of ID space, Grace and Tara tearfully said goodbye to Andrea and Samuel. Ryan stowed their suitcases back onto the shuttle as the girls climbed aboard.

Samuel and Andrea waved good-bye until the shuttle disappeared into ID space once more . . .

As the shuttle landed back in D.C. Grace quickly grabbed her things and left. She had sensed that Ryan wanted to talk with Tara. She now understood another dilemma of Tara's all too well. As she walked away from the shuttle, Ryan took Tara in his arms and pinned her back against the shuttle hull.

"How was your trip?" he asked gently.

She smiled and caressed his face. "It was relaxing . . ."

"I hear Sandoval came up to see you . . . needed some advice from Zo'or's Head of Security on some lead on a Liberation agent . . ."

She knew he didn't believe it. Those that knew what had really happened wouldn't have believed it either.

"He did come up to see me," she said and turned her eyes away.

The pain in her began to rise again as she felt Ryan's hurt resurface. But he wasn't going to show it. Instead, he caressed her face and leaned forward to kiss her.

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked.

"Only if it wouldn't be a bother . . ." she said.

"Not at all . . ."

Quickly, he grabbed her things for her and led her away from the shuttle and to his car.

Grace was amazed at the paperwork that piled up during her absence. When Grace had left from visiting Da'an than morning she thought she had seen an amused smile on the face of Liam. . . .

*That little. . . .I'll get him back later.* she thought as she finished another report.

Suddenly there was a knock at her office door. Grace looked up to see Sandoval standing in the doorway, an actual slight smile of amusement on his handsome features.

*Like father, like son. . . .*

"Sandoval, how can I help you?" she asked, not sure how to address him just yet. She motioned for him to come on in. He took a seat across from her after shutting the door behind himself.

"I wanted to thank you." he said quietly.

"Thank me for what?" Grace asked.

"For allowing me to invade your sanctuary like that. I know that I'm not your most favourite person on the face of the planet. . . But being able to spend time like that with Tara. . . .It meant more to me than you will ever know." he said.

Grace sighed.

"Well, it was worth it, I think. Your invasion I mean. I think that for the first time since we've actually known one another, we actually see each other as fellow human beings. I won't lie to you, Sandoval; there have been times I have been so disgusted with you that I was tempted to find a way to. . . ."

"To kill me?" he finished for her.

"Well, yeah. I mean I *DID* work for the agency too. I could have found a way to be rid of you if I’d wanted to. But then I became convinced that you were a necessary evil. A friend actually convinced me of that. . . .As the saying goes `Better the devil you know -"

"Than the devil you don't." he finished. She nodded. "I am taking a risk by even being here but I had to speak to you. How much did you see of what happened in your father-in-law's study?" he asked.

"I saw your tears and I heard your words. I can never see you in the same way as I did before." Grace said.

"Grace," he paused as he realized he had used her first name. "Grace, I meant every word I said. I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. If I hadn't been so gullible then my wife and I might still be together today, living the life that we were meant to have since the day I fell in love with her." At some point in the conversation he had laid his hands on her desk and Grace reached forward to lay her hand briefly on his.

"Sandoval," She paused realizing that she was still calling him by his last name. "Ron, I know a lot more than you think. I know you are worried about Zo'or finding out all the things you've been hiding from him. I promise you, he won't hear them from me. You're important to Tara and I don't want to her hurt. What's more, for the first time, I see that you have rights as a human and that's what I am fighting for. . . .To better and protect humanity," Grace said. He smiled.

Suddenly, his global beeped. With an annoyed sigh, he took it from his belt and resumed a cold façade before answering it.

"Yes, Zo'or?" he asked.

[Report to the mother ship immediately.]

"Of course, Zo'or." He said and snapped his global shut with disgust.

"He never lays off, does he?" Grace asked.

"No, he doesn't." he said standing up. He turned to leave and then turned back to Grace. "How's Da'an?" he asked.

"He's good. He still misses Boone I think, but he's adjusting to Major Kincaid," Grace replied.

Sandoval nodded. "Good. You do whatever it takes to protect him, but please protect your child first.  Zo'or is ruthless and he has his sights on both Da'an and your unborn child." Sandoval said. He thought for a moment. "And Grace?"

"Yes?"

"Your secrets are safe with me."

With a puzzled expression on her face she watched him leave. . . .

On the mother ship, that afternoon, Na'ar wished to speak to Zo'or via the data stream. As Na'ar's face appeared, Zo'or greeted him. Sandoval stood nearby in case Zo'or wanted him for anything.

"I have a request of you, Zo'or," Na'ar began.

"What is this request?" he replied.

"Since the Synod has appointed me Companion to the United Kingdom and Ireland, I have been in need of a Head of Security. No one here has shown me the qualities I am looking for . . . But then . . . It has come to my attention that your Head of Security has not been able to perform her duties for you as of late, due to her current condition . . ."

Sandoval's eyes immediately filled with concern. But he tried to hide it.

"Yes," Zo'or replied, "Dr. Belman and Dr. Christian have both informed me that Commander Carmichael should not join me aboard the mother ship. That she should remain on Earth during her pregnancy . . ."

"Then, may I request her services as my Head of Security?" he asked.

Zo'or gazed at his fellow Taelon in the data stream. "Why is it that you seem to favour my Implants, Na'ar?" he asked.

"Is it not obvious?" he replied, "Yours are the best . . ."

Zo'or smiled at this compliment as he thought things over.

"Very well," he replied, "With Agent Sandoval as my Protector I have no use for a Head of Security . . . I will have her report to you within the day . . ."

Na'ar bowed slightly before he closed the data stream. Zo'or shot Sandoval a tormenting glance.

"And what do you think about Tara Carmichael being sent to the UK?"

Hiding the deep breath he was taking, he replied, "As always, your decisions are the wise ones. After all, you have no need for her."

Satisfied with his response, he wave Sandoval out of the chamber.

As Sandoval left, he fought to keep his facade in place. Once Tara was transferred he would hardly see her . . . But she would be safer away from Zo'or . . . Taking a deep breath he continued down the corridor.

"So you're leaving when?" Grace asked.

"At the end of the week . . ." Tara replied. "I can hardly believe it . . . I'll miss you so much . . ."

With that, she embraced Grace warmly. She was thrilled that she would be working for Na'ar and not Zo'or . . . but it also meant she wouldn't see Ron as much . . . It wasn't fair, she wanted to cry. But life was rarely fair . . .

"You'll miss him . . ." Grace said, voicing Tara's feelings.

Tara nodded. "At least Ryan will be with me. Zo'or decided to transfer him with me as well . . . But . . ." she sighed, "It seems that as soon as I find some shred of love somewhere, it's snatched away . . ."

"But at least it's not to death . . ." Grace reminded her.

Tara forced a smile. "You're right . . . At least Ron and I can somehow make time to see each other . . . We'll find a way . . ."

As Tara left Grace's office, Grace got an idea. She would send her friend off with a few good memories. Immediately, she pulled her global from her pocket.

"Augur, I need a favour . . ."

That night, Grace surprised Tara at her home.

"I have a surprise for you," she said, her warm brown eyes twinkling.

"What is it?" Tara asked.

"First," she said, "You need to put this on."

She handed Tara a blindfold. As Tara lifted it up she cocked an eyebrow at her friend.

"All right . . ." She smiled, placing it over her eyes.

Grace moved behind her to tie it in place.

"Can you see anything?"

"Not a thing," Tara replied.

"Good!"

Grace then grabbed Tara's hand and led her from the house and into her car. As Tara got settled into her seat and Grace started the car, music began playing softly.

"I'm assuming I'm going to like this surprise?" Tara asked with a smile.

"You'd better!" Grace laughed.

They drove for awhile just enjoying each other's company. But soon, the car stopped, and Grace was leading Tara out of the car and onto the street. Then a door opened and they walked into a building. Though Tara couldn't see, her other senses were running high. She could hear muffled giggles and rustling of clothing. She could also smell food. Just then, Grace stopped her.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"Of course!" Tara replied.

Instantly, someone was beside her ripping off the blindfold. She was then surrounded by many of her friend's faces as they shouted "Surprise!" The one who had released the blindfold was Ryan. Tara's face lit up as she saw everyone. They had all gathered at the Flat Planet cafe just to wish her well . . . Of course, Ryan was leaving with her, but he had obviously been in on the plans.

"Thank you! All of you!" Tara replied in awe and excitement.

She spent the next several hours, chatting with her friends and nibbling the food that had been supplied. She even made a point to say a special thank you to Augur.

"Anything for a friend," he replied. But Tara noticed the way his eyes travelled to Grace and she nodded to herself with understanding.

Then, to her surprise, Liam entered with Da'an.

"It has come to my attention that you will be leaving us," Da'an said, as Tara went to him.

"Yes . . . as you know, I will be Na'ar's Head of Security," Tara replied.

"My only regret is that you could not have worked for me."

Tara smiled with understand. It had been Ta'al's wish for Tara to work under Da'an, but the Synod had chosen to place her with Zo'or. Tenderly, she reached out and touched his arm.

"Mine too . . . I would have liked that opportunity," she replied, "But life is meant to take unusual turns . . . it helps us grow . . ."

Da'an nodded.

~I promise I'll keep in touch~ she told him.

A smiled crossed his face as he bowed slightly.

Then, someone Tara didn't recognize came up behind her. He was dressed in black from head to toe.

"Tara Carmichael?" he said.

"Yes?"

"I'm here to pick you up."

Grace was next to Ryan and could feel him bristle a bit.

Images touched her mind and she smiled. She knew what was going on.

"I suppose that's my cue . . . Thank you, all of you . . . This has been a wonderful evening and I will not forget it anytime soon."

As she began following this man out the door, Ryan moved to follow her. But Grace gently laid a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Let her go," she said softly. "As much as I know it must hurt, you have to do it."

Reluctantly, Ryan looked at her with the pain in his eyes then walked away.

Outside of the Flat Planet Cafe, Tara was greeted by the sight of a long black limousine. The man opened the door for her and she got in. Just as she had suspected, Ron was there, waiting for her, holding a bouquet of pink roses . . .

"I couldn't let you go without our spending one last night together . . ."

Immediately, she took the roses, placed them to the seat next to her and cuddled into his arms. He embraced her and she could almost feel the tears before they misted his eyes, joined by her own. Leaning back up, she looked into his dark eyes filled with all the emotions that he couldn't bring himself to express. She took a deep breath and ran her hand though his hair.

"Let's not waste tonight thinking about what will come tomorrow," she said. "Let's only think about now and what we feel . . ." With that, she kissed him.

Two days later, Tara Carmichael and Ryan MacLeod transferred to the UKITD - United Kingdom and Ireland Taelon Division.*

As Tara pulled out of her memory, Jayson was looking at her with concern.

“A memory intrusion?” he asked knowing that look in her eyes well enough.

“I was remembering a time with Ron . . . It was before I even know that Zoe was his child . . .” she said softly.

She explained the memory as well as she could. He continued to hold her tightly, unwilling to let her go. He wanted to comfort her and ease the pain he knew she felt. It was voiced by the unshed tears in her eyes and the tension in her muscles. The pain was so real and fresh after these intrusions of hers that he almost wished she could have the CVI removed. But he also knew an attempt would kill her.

At least he knew that her love for him was just as strong. It was the one thing he never worried about. He knew she loved him for himself and not his alternate, Ron Sandoval. But it was difficult to watch her hurt over memories long gone, yet felt as if they had just happened all over again. He didn’t know how she didn’t end up a mass of confusion.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked gently, continuing to hold her tight.

She shook her head. “There’s nothing that can be done . . . and my fears are real . . . Zo’or could have him . . . could destroy him . . . and I can’t stop it . . .” Finally tears fell from her eyes. “I know Ron would want Zoe and I safe, but his life shouldn’t be part of that bargain . . .”

“If you were back there, would you be able to stop Zo’or from hurting him?” he asked.

Tara wiped away the tears and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know . . . Probably not . . . Perhaps we would have placed him in greater danger . . .”

“I think it’s a wise woman that can recognize that,” he said kissing the top of her head.

She was quiet for a moment as she wiped at more tears. “But how can I accept that? I feel …responsible.”

Tenderly, he caressed her face. “I’ll tell you what . . . I’m going to give you a mild tranq – the one Dr. Hancock prescribed for you on the Station. We still have some. Then I want you to get a good night’s sleep. I think that’s what’s going to help you the most.”

Reluctantly, she nodded. Within fifteen minutes of taking the tranq, she was drifting back to sleep.

*She was walking in a meadow. The sun was warm, but her heart still ached. She found a large oak and sat beneath it, her back against the trunk. Immediately, she broke into tears again over Ron. She was so worried and didn’t know how to live with herself . . . The weight of the guilt she had because her life was now relatively peaceful and she could be who she was when he couldn’t and might even be hurt because of it was breaking her.

Suddenly, she heard a familiar gentle voice.

“ Tara . . . do not be so fearful. Ron is all right,” the voice said.

As she turned, she saw Ta’al standing beside her.

“He is? What happened?” she asked. She knew better than to doubt his appearance in her dreams.

“I have protected him,” Ta’al replied. “Zo’or has suspected you are not dead for some time and had tried various ways to get the information from Mr. Sandoval without his knowledge. This time, however, he came very close . . . It was I that took Sandoval away from you, but it was Zo’or you felt. Our paths crossed in the process. When Sandoval awoke, he merely felt as if he’d had a dream . . . So take comfort. He is well . . .”

“As well as he can be . . .” she said. “What if I’d been able to go back? What would have happened to us? Would I have been able to help him?”

Ta’al was silent as he took a seat beside her. “ Tara, because of your uniqueness, Zo’or would have stopped at nothing to possess you again . . . You and your child Zoe,” he said. “He might very well have used Mr. Sandoval against you . . .”

“Could he have known about our attachment?” she asked with surprise.

“He did not suspect it for some time, but even a Taelon without understanding of emotions would have been able to see it sooner or later,” Ta’al replied.

“So he would have been in more danger…”

“Yes, and you most likely would have joined me in the Great Void,” he replied. “And your daughter would have been in his hands.”

The thought made Tara shudder. That was the last thing either her or Ron wanted. They would have given their lives to keep Zoe safe. Finally a small measure of peace came to her.

“Ta’al, you always know how to give me perspective,” she smiled tenderly.

“As you once did for me,” he replied with his own majestic smile. “Be at peace, Tara . . . You were meant to be where you are and Ron understands this . . . and for your own peace of mind, know that I am watching out for all of you.”

As his image vanished from her, she smiled, encompassed in a warm light.*

Suddenly, her eyes opened. She was in bed with Jayson beside her. Smiling, she kissed his tenderly, but softly so as not to wake him. Finally knowing that Ron was all right and that everything was how it should be, she snuggled closer against him, closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.