Failures

They were almost back to Serenity. She was up with Sesshriani, watching as the planet drew closer. Pulling out her communicator, she reached Alec.

"I'm about an hour out," she said softly. "The mission was a disaster."

[So you said. Are you all right?] She could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine . . ." she replied softly. "Just let Tyran know I'm on my way home . . ."

[Will do] he replied. [Get some rest]

She closed the connection with a sigh. Sessh said nothing, only looked at her quizzically.

Upon landing, Jaya grabbed her bag and headed off from Sessh's ship, blending into the shadows as the sun slid under the horizon. She liked the darkness. She wasn't as easily seen and right now, that's what she wanted. Not only because she didn't want anyone to know she had been off Serenity, but because she didn't want to see anyone else. She didn't want to be asked questions she couldn't answer . . . She just wanted to go home.

As soon as she walked through the door, she set the bag down and walked toward her room, peeling her clothes off as she went. As she reached the bathroom, she started the shower and climbed in, trying to wash the last few days away. It was an impossibility, but she had to try.

“Starlight Inn, Danayal speaking, how can I be of service?” Danayal answered the comm. It was a busy night in the bar.

[It's Alec. Is Tyran around?] He asked.

“No, he went into the city with Joshua Peters, can I leave a message?”

[Let him know Jaya's back] he replied and closed the line.

"Sure whatever you say." He mumbled and went on with his work.

Around midnight Jaya could hear someone knocking...

She had been laying on the couch in her nightgown . . . a girly shade of pink that she didn't often wear. Her hair was still damp and pulled away from her face. In her hands, she was holding a cup of hot tea and on the vid, she was watching some mind numbing program that she wasn't really seeing at all. Her mind was a million light-years away.

But hearing the knock and sensing who was at the door, she called for it to open. She didn't feel like moving in the least.

"Come on in," she said, just loud enough to be heard.

"Thank you." Tyran had a bouquet of lavender roses with him. "I thought you could use something to cheer you up. Usually when Alec calls me to tell me you’re back, something went wrong..."

She took the flowers and forced a smile for a moment. They were beautiful and smelled wonderful. But he was right. Things had gone wrong . . . drastically wrong and it made her sick. It was also the second time in a row she'd failed . . . But there was a twist to this one.

"The roses are beautiful," she replied, her green eyes looking at him. "Thank you . . ."

"I love you,” he said tenderly. “What happened; you know you can tell me… Here. Let me put those in a vase." He took the flowers and did as he said, placing them on the table where she could still see them. "Take a deep breath and talk to me." He ordered gently with a worried look on his face.

"It all went to hell," she replied. "The Dark Shadow was there . . . I know he was there . . . He . . . he did this *for* me," She visibly shuddered. "He even left *my* signature behind as if *I'd* done the kill . . ." Tears misted her eyes. "Dr. Welsh, her husband and their son were all gunned down before my eyes . . ." She wiped at a tear.

Having the family leave their home for the exchange and assassination attempt had not been her first choice, but it had been effective in the past. However, she'd had no idea it would all go so wrong.

"He’s beginning to do more.... he’s in love with you, and thinks that was a gift. He’s wrong… dangerously wrong." Tyran sighed. "Does Alec know?"

"He knows it went to hell . . ." she said softly and closed her eyes, leaning forward. "This makes twice that I've failed in a month's time . . . Less than a month . . . Weeks . . ."

"He thinks he’s done you a favour, and I think he’ll go through any obstacle to get his hands on you… to force you to love him." Tyran sighed.

For the first time since she had started this job, she wondered just how long she'd be able to keep it up . . . How many more people would die before her eyes? People that were just beyond her reach of saving . . .

"Don’t blame yourself, honey; you can’t save the entire universe. Everyone fails in his job a few times; you have to learn to rise above that. I’m sure Alec has given you this lecture as well."

She was quiet for a moment. The only sound coming from her was her breathing. After a few minutes, she finally looked at him. "I have failed twice in a row, Tyran . . . I have never failed twice in a row like this . . . They're dead . . . I don’t get another chance to save them… Any of them… See, when I fail, people die."

"I know that, but it’s a risk of the trade. That’s what you have to learn. To let go, or you’ll no longer be suitable for the job."

"It bothered me before, but not like this . . ." she said softly.

"It’s the hardest job in the universe, honey, and you still have to do as I’m telling you or it’ll destroy you. Maybe you need a break for awhile?"

She nodded. She knew he was right. "I'll talk to Alec . . . Maybe if there are any other assignments in the works, they can be put on hold . . . Better plans can be developed . . . I *don't* want to go through this again . . ."

"Yes, you need a new approach, and Alec has to make better plans. Maybe he has another assassin in his service who can take over."

She shook her head. "I'm the only one . . . I know . . ." she replied, running a hand through her hair. "Maybe instead of focusing on just saving these people, I really need to focus on a plan to get to the Dark Shadow and take him out . . . Originally; my purpose was to force the confrontation. It's why I was trained to kill so efficiently . . . But now, I don't know when I'll be face to face with him, though I'm sure that's what he's trying to build up to . . . I think I'd just rather have it on my terms, not his."

"You like to be in control, and if you feel you’re losing grip, you panic, just like Danayal."

She raised an eyebrow. "It's that obvious, is it?"

"Yes," was his short reply.

She sighed and shook her head. "I need a break . . . I need to not think about this or him for a little while . . . I definitely have to talk to Alec. I'm sure he'll understand . . ."

"I’ll be with you, and then we’ll go find a vacation spot..."

She nodded. "Tomorrow . . ." she said, the dark circles showing under her eyes.

"No, now..." Tyran said firm, but gently. "In fact, I’ll call him over. I know you won't sleep anyway."

"But Alec might be asleep and this isn't something that can't wait until morning . . . Unless you know something I don't."

"I know he’s not sleeping, since I saw him in the Starlight Inn before I left. He was talking to Danayal, because the court asked for a progress report from Alec."

Reluctantly Jaya nodded. "All right . . ." she said.

“Starlight Inn... right I’ll get him.” He put the channel on hold. “Mr. Conklin, you’re wanted on the comm. It’s Tyran."

“I take it you're with Jaya?” Alec asked as he reached the comm.

[Yes, Alec, and she wants to talk to you. We both want that, and it’s urgent.]

“All right,” he replied. “Give me about fifteen minutes and I'll be there. Conklin out.”

Tyran closed the signal. "He’ll come here, as I said." Tyran sat down next to her, leaning against her, stroking her hair for comfort.

Trying to relax, she took refuge in his nearness. She wanted to sleep, but knew it wasn't going to come. However, she also knew the next step was to force sleep . . . Tonight, she didn't feel like fighting it.

The vid was still on. The program had changed to something else equally as mind-numbing. But neither of them seemed to see or hear it. They only heard the door as Alec arrived.

As the door slid open, Alec walked in.

"You look like hell, Jaya," he said taking in her immediate appearance.

"Thanks," she replied with a forced smirk.

"Alec... this won't work, the plans you’ve had have failed twice." Tyran said. "I want Jaya to take a leave of absence for awhile."

Alec didn't react right away. "I think you could be right," he said looking her over once again. "You need time to recoup. I can see it in your face. This has taken its toll on you."

"We knew it would eventually," she replied.

"And I'm in a position to give you the break you need . . . There are no current assignments on the table at the moment and with any luck there won't be until after the New Year. I think maybe you should take this time to relax . . . De-stress . . . maybe enjoy the holidays for a change . . . I know Joshua and Lara are inviting you both over for Christmas morning to watch Rachel open gifts . . . Maybe after that you can take Jaya up to the mountains. You do have that cabin you haven't been to in years. It could be made ready for you two . . ."

"Who told you I have a cabin?" He asked genuinely surprised. "And I haven’t been in there for at least five years; I have no idea if it’s still standing to start with!" Tyran said. He had totally forgotten about the place.

Alec smiled. "Well, I know . . . and I also know that it's been kept up for you. There's a woman that goes up there about once a month to dust things off and check everything over. You might remember her. A Mrs. Sullivan. Apparently the last time you left you asked her to watch the place for you . . . and she has ever since."

"I’ve totally forgotten about that, but I did pay her for it. It was before Dan came into my life."

"I know . . ." Alec smiled. "All you have to do is let her know you're coming and she'll have the place ready. But I suggest you go after Christmas . . . Or maybe Christmas night."

Jaya looked at Tyran and gave him a gentle smile.

"No, on Christmas night we’ll go to the Starlight Inn, all of us… you too, Alec, or have you forgotten the grand dinner was mine to organize this time?"

He smirked. "Yeah . . . How could I forget? Well, you do what you need to. Jaya, you get some sleep . . ."

"I don't know if I can . . ." she replied.

"Tranq her, Tyran, and don’t let her argue with you about it," he said. "Now get some rest, Jaya. No backtalk. Goodnight . . ."

With that, Alec left.

Tyran nodded. "Go to bed. I’ll sleep here as well. Danayal will stay at the Starlight tonight."

She nodded. "Bring the tranq," she sighed. She didn't like to be drugged, but she saw the necessity of it at the moment.

"Will do." He got a hypo that Dominic pre-loaded for her moments like this, and gave her the injection. "Sleep well, my love."

Within fifteen minutes, she was drifting to sleep with Tyran beside her.

Tyran waited and made sure she slept. When he finally heard her regular breathing, he closed his eyes, drifting away to his own dreams.